Gods!

Maizy suddenly found herself standing a short distance from her own body. WHAT, god of mysteries, stood before her.

"YOU WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT SHARE THAT MEMORY WITH ANYONE. EVER." WHAT shouted into Maizy's consciousness at soul-evaporating volume.

Maizy just looked at him, unimpressed, and thought in his direction, "Why? Give me a good reason."

WHAT set his head on fire and leaned in close, but she didn't feel any heat.

"I WILL SMITE YOU."

"Don't listen to him, Maizy! He lost his license to smite!" Path shouted mentally from the corner of the room.

WHAT jumped in surprise.

Then THEE, god of mysteries, wiggled into existence next to Path, holding a magnifying glass in front of his face.

"This should not be possible!" THEE shouted, then zipped over beside Maizy without using her legs.

What did you do!?  HOW DID YOU DO IT!?  TELL ME!

Maizy ignored her and ran over to Path. "PATH! How is this possible? Amazing! I can hear your voice in my head!" she thought at him, going in for a hug—only to pass right through.

"I can hear yours too!" Path beamed. Then he grew serious. "WHAT tried to kill you! He's the one who sent the armed serpent. He told me when I... died."

WHAT set his entire body ablaze and sent the rudest emoji he could imagine directly into the minds of both Path and Maizy.

"Is that... Jazz hands?"

WHAT wasn't finished. "I WILL KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY."

Maizy raised an eyebrow. "So you really are the pettiest of all gods."

"Hah! Hah!" HECK, god of mysteries, suddenly laughed his way into existence beside THEE. "By FRICK! I love this one!" He held out his fist to Maizy, who understood what to do.

She smiled—and fistbumped a god.

"He's not going to kill all your friends and family," THEE stated with a smile—Maizy could tell she was trying not to laugh. "He would get in so much trouble if he did that." She gave WHAT a stern look. "Not just with me and HECK here, but with a lot of other gods." She turned to Maizy. "I'm THEE, by the way, and I really want you to tell me how you brought Path back to life. It's the talk of the multiverse!"

The gods don't know how I did it?

"No, we don't," WHAT said, as he put out his flames and sat on the floor, looking depressed.

"I know how she did it," Path said with a smile. "CPR."

"Oh my gosh, Path! How do you know about CPR?" Maizy was astonished—and delighted.

Path's face went serious. "They don't know what CPR means. Don't tell them."

Immediately, all three gods scooched closer and leaned in.

Maizy caught on. "I'm not going to outline CPR in my thoughts. That's mortal-only knowledge. Forbidden to the gods."

HECK looked at THEE. "That's not a thing, is it? That can't be a thing... right?"

THEE laughed. "Haha, no, HECK, that's not a thing."

HECK looked at Maizy. "Ooh, she's clever." Then he looked at Path. "They're both clever. But you knew that when you bought them, WHAT."

YOU BOUGHT US?  Maizy could not believe her... mind?

THEE cleared her mental throat. "Speaking of forbidden knowledge, you two are already in trouble—and you could get yourselves in a lot more trouble if you share details about your... time spent with WHAT before you were born." She looked deadly serious. "If you share that knowledge with these mortals here"—she gestured at Grandma, Mom, Blossom, Pathy, and the Postmaster—"you're likely to bring down another apocalypse on this world. Trust me when I say, this place has had enough of those."

She looked directly at Path. "That goes for you too, inexplicable one. Your very existence is unknown territory."

Then she turned to HECK and WHAT. "Don't tell anyone he mysteriously appeared next to us when we stopped time for our chat with Maizy. We don't want Them coming to investigate.  They will cause all sorts of trouble for us."

Maizy was about to ask a question, but THEE wasn't finished. "You two," she said, using an invisible force to yank them directly in front of her—occupying the same exact space—"if any other gods try to ask you questions about this, or anything else about your interactions with us... SHUT. THE. FRICK. UP."

She looked at them and asked, "So, what do you do when some other god asks you questions?"

"SHUT THE FRICK UP," they replied in perfect unison.

"We are not your enemy. Well... WHAT sort of is. But HECK and I definitely do not want you two to cause an apocalypse, or a cataclysm, or an exodus from this world." She gave them both a look. "Just live your lives. And when it comes to other gods..." She stared them down.

"SHUT THE FRICK UP." Maizy and Path had this down.

Maizy wanted to ask a question, but she never got the chance. THEE stated, "There. Now that that's out of the way…"

And just like that, time began moving again.

Maizy remembered her state before the divine intrusion, then shook her head at Grandma. She signed, "That no work," and thought she could feel someone patting her head.

Grandma had lived through 250 wobbles and was cleverer than most. "The gods just froze time and messed with you, didn't they?"

Maizy's eyes shot open, then she looked away, not knowing what else to do. Then Maizy felt...  something. Like a very gentle shockwave.

Is that what it feels like when time gets frozen and restarted?

"Okay! Forget titles, for now. Let's talk about Maizy and Path's encounter with the Armed Serpent so we can finish up this debriefing," Grandma suddenly announced. She picked up the paper with Maizy's titles, folded it, then stuffed it somewhere in her poncho.

"Maizy, to save time, please show Pathy just the part where you beheaded the snake." She then whispered, "Don't show her the parts where Path gets eaten or when you brought him back to life. THEE's orders."

That's probably for the best, actually. No mom wants to see their kid get eaten by a giant snake.

Maizy walked over to Pathy and showed her the memory.

When Maizy was done, the Postmaster walked up to the paper-like wall and used her shrinking glove on the portions where things had been written. As she touched each section, the shiny paper shrank and the colored wax flaked off.

"Aw, my artwork!" Grandma made a fake sad expression.

Hah! It was Grandma that drew those silly things?

The Postmaster started writing on the wall, saying, "The scribblescroll isn't a toy, Floor."

So that's what it's called.

"I have, um, communicated with the Insect Queen, and she claims that the gods expanded the size of one of her regular portals. That's how the armed serpent escaped her realm." The Postmaster then wrote "Armed Serpent" at the top of the scribblescroll, followed by, "• Escaped Insect Queen's realm."

"I don't believe that for one micromoment!" The Head Librarian obviously didn't like the Insect Queen—whoever or whatever she was.

Maizy walked up to her aunt, poked her, then shook her head. She walked over to the Postmaster and gestured for the crayon.

The Postmaster wasn't sure what to do, so she simply said, "Now's not the time for playing with crayons, sweetgum."

Bloom spoke up, "She can read, Petal. Haven't seen her write anything yet, though." She said the last part with some skepticism.

"SHE CAN ALREADY READ!?" The Postmaster threw one hand in the air while simultaneously handing Maizy the crayon. Maizy thought she heard her mutter something like, "this child..." as she climbed up the Postmaster's poncho and onto her back. "I guess I'm an uppee now, too."

"She's just trying to deliver a message to us!" exclaimed Pathy, and everyone but the Postmaster chuckled.

The Postmaster turned around to face away from the wall, and Maizy wrote, "WH AT didit" after "realm" on the scribblescroll. Then she hopped down and stood next to Path. He couldn't read yet but he nodded anyway, pretending he understood.

Then both Blossom and Grandma gave Bloom a look of pure disgust.

What's that all about?  Maizy wondered, but the answer came immediately.

"Your handwriting is terrible!" Blossom seemed far too upset about it. "Completely unacceptable for a Debugger!"

Mom shrugged. "We'll work on it—a lot."

Because THAT'S what's important right now. My family is so weird.

The Postmaster nodded in agreement. "Yeah. That's pretty bad." Then she asked, "How do you know WHAT was behind it? Not that I'd be surprised. He's a useless jerk." She looked around as she spoke the word "useless," like she was verbally tugging on the threads of the universe.

Then the Postmaster's poncho—and her ribbon—suddenly fell off.

Pathy sprinted over to Path and covered his eyes.

The evidence before her was overwhelming, so Bloom spoke up, "WHAT was behind this—only he would do something so petty. Which means he's here, watching us right now."

Then she did something strange: Her eyes began to glow orange as she scanned the room. She slowly walked over to a spot near where WHAT had sat during the time freeze—and stopped.

"THERE!" she shouted, then reached into her poncho and tossed a small wooden ball at the location. The instant it hit, it expanded into a black sphere and vanished just as quickly, leaving a crater in the floor.

"DING!"

Bloom jumped for joy. "Yay!" She ran in circles like she was chasing her tail and shouted, "GOT HIM! That's what you get for trying to kill my kaydee—twice!"

Twice?

Grandma was impressed. "Wow!  Great job, Proscribrarian!"

Pathy let go of Path in shock. "How'd you spot him?"

"Teehee! I ate the serpent's eye!" Bloom replied giddily. "It was super gross, but totally worth it."

I ate the serpent's eye too... but I can't see the gods. Hmm.

The Postmaster had just finished tying her ribbon and was reaching down to pick up her poncho. "I have no idea what's going on. What just happened?"

Grandma smiled and declared, "Bloom just killed WHAT. That should keep him off our tails for a while."

The Postmaster wasn't sure what to make of that information so she just pretended like that was a completely normal explanation, "Ah." She walked over and took another grape.

Apparently killing gods is a sport?

Maizy had too many questions to hold back. She walked up to Mom and signed, "W A T hurt me two?"

"Yes! Oh my gosh, sweetgum... He tried to kill you when you were born, but I didn't realize it at the time." Mom looked troubled. "I was in labor, so I rushed down to the labyrinth."

She turned to the other adults. "If I was having a kaydee, I wanted her to be named 'Maizy'—because labyrinths are mazes, right? It's such a cute name."

The Postmaster nodded very vigorously at that last part.

But Maizy had no idea what Mom was talking about.  What labyrinth?

Then it hit her.  Wait—are kads named after where they're born?

Path, Pathy, Floor... They're all locations! Bloom, Blossom, and Petal—they must've been born near flowers!

She gave herself a proud little nod for figuring it out.

Then she squinted in thought.  Mom said, "If I was having a kaydee." Are keedos named differently?

Mom continued, "So I'm pushing and pushing and then—bam! Darkness! WHAT knocked me out!"

Blossom was the first to rage, "That evil jerk!"

All the moms in the room—which just so happened to be every adult present—hissed in perfect unison.

"Not only did he knock me out, he froze the labyrinth!  He made it super cold—trying to freeze Maizy to death!"

So THAT'S why it was so cold when I was born!

The Postmaster slammed her fist on the table and it startled Path, who jumped.

Feeling bad, she rolled a grape across the table toward him.

It hit him squarely in the chest and knocked him over.

"I wake up, shivering, and I see WHAT standing there. He says to me—with a straight face—'Don't get too attached. She won't live very long.'" Mom paused. "I reacted by saying, 'Oh my god,' and the jerk says, 'YES,' then popped himself out of existence!"

Blossom looked like she was ready to explode, and Grandma pleaded with the universe, "Why is there no god of mothers!?" Pathy just stared in shock.

Mom wasn't finished. "When Maizy emerged with two tails, I thought that's what he was talking about! I thought she was going to die because of some deformity he inflicted on her!"

So THAT'S why Mom was crying so much when I emerged!

Then Mom remembered something else. "Oh! On the day Maizy and Path were attacked by the serpent, some kad I'd never seen before walked up and handed me a rainbow fruit with a note that said, 'This is a kindness.' That must've been WHAT! He was trying to drug Maizy before she met the snake—so she couldn't fight back!"

So evil!

All the adults gave Bloom a unified look of horrified skepticism. The Postmaster asked, "You didn't actually give that fruit to Maizy, did you?"

Mom looked more embarrassed than Maizy thought possible. "She ate some of it... when I lowered my hand—to drop it! I tossed it off the tree!"

"Sis, really!?" Blossom groaned, while Grandma and the Postmaster looked at Maizy in pity.

Mom tried to look innocent. "She did seem to enjoy it." She shrugged.

Maizy felt bad for her mom, so she signed, "S P I C Y," then gave a big thumbs-up.

Then a thought splashed into Floor's mind. "You fought that armed serpent while drugged?" She wasn't sure if she should be more impressed or if that just explained Maizy's success.

"Oh no," Mom insisted. "She puked it all up in the doctor's office."

Desperate for emotional backup, Bloom turned to her best friend across the room—who was still wiping grape juice off her keedo's face—when a new horror entered her thoughts like a curse leaping out of a bowl.

"GODS, Pathy! I'm living in your home!"