I'm Dying Even in My Imagination

When we finally left the forest, I almost choked with the feeling that I was looking at something relatively familiar. I almost fell to the ground, grateful for this beautiful view of the town. After what I'd seen at the Dragonids', at least here someone knew what they were doing. Smoke rose from some of the chimneys, and despite being surrounded by walls, the whole place seemed peaceful and orderly. The town was surrounded by fields, beautiful rectangular fields in shades of green and gold, filled with grain. I felt like running and feeling like a member of a civilized community again. They might not have electricity, hot tubs, or Wi-Fi, but it was still better than the crumbling buildings combined with the brutality of the respectable inhabitants on the other side of the Wall. Life there seemed peaceful and flourishing; the town was simply alive, and I wanted to be a part of it. I suddenly felt something was wrong.

"Renet…" - I looked around for him uneasily, but he wasn't nearby.

He hadn't given me any indication that he intended to disappear, and that made me want to panic. I felt like something was watching me, so I couldn't allow myself to do so. I just didn't know what to do; I was sweating with fear, and my tense muscles could barely force me to move. There was a lot going on in my head; I frantically wondered what had happened to make Renet disappear. I didn't want to leave him alone, but I also didn't really have the resources to deal with the situation. The city was within reach; they would surely help me there, but would there be enough time to save Renet? I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to him; after all, he'd come here as my guide, and because of me…

In my imagination, I saw that huge cat tearing out his throat and sharing the loot with his family, perhaps even inviting other species to the feast. What a charming forest scene of reconciliation. I begged my foot to let me lift itself up so I could at least try not to die and get to the city's walls. Maybe someone would see me and cover me if necessary. I analyzed other possibilities and jumped when I heard a twig snap under someone's weight behind me, always a bad sign. I didn't know why, instead of running, I turned to see what or who was trying to harm me in such a treacherous way, hiding behind my back. As if in slow motion, I made this turn, everything drowned out by my racing heart. And so I lived longer than I initially expected.

"Have you completely lost your mind?" I exclaimed when I saw it was only Renet, whom I'd been so afraid of moments earlier. "Why didn't you say anything about having to disappear for a while? I was going crazy, thinking something had happened to you, and the same thing was about to happen to me!"

I didn't even realize so many emotions had built up within me in that brief moment, that they would burst forth so violently. Even the flight, carried by two Dragonids, wasn't as terrifying as this moment of danger. Renet, who had acted like a hero when we were about to encounter a wild animal, now looked at me pleadingly, begging me to forgive him, which, of course, I was willing to do. I admit, the more I looked into his eyes, the more I fell for him.

"I just wanted to check something, and you were so captivated by the view, and I wanted to give you a moment to enjoy it," he explained, nervously scratching the inside of his left forearm, which was already so red I was afraid it would draw blood.

"Just don't do that again," I pleaded gently, bringing him immense relief. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from his back. I also moved his right hand away from his left. "Try to limit that too; it's not a good habit."

I don't know what shocked him so much, but for a long moment he seemed transfixed and stared at his hand as if it were about to fall off. I didn't want to dwell on the negative thought that my touch disgusted him so much, but he wasn't used to even neutral contact with another human being, since he was clearly a loner. Okay, we have to move on, I told myself; enough embarrassing situations for one day. Time to enjoy humanity, although Renet couldn't seem to shake off his mistake. I called after him, and only then did he follow me. He smiled strangely to himself, but I wasn't about to delve into why.

I didn't need any hopeful thoughts, any thoughts that might lead to depression. Survival was my main goal; change, adaptation, I told myself. But really, couldn't I have a nice, handsome companion in this whole survival thing? Damn, this was definitely going in the wrong direction! Fortunately, we reached the city gates quickly and silently, because, letting my thoughts wander freely through my head, I could have said something unnecessary, or worse, pseudo-romantic. No one was guarding it, so we entered without any problems, but Renet clearly quickened his pace, as if he wanted to walk through the entire city as quickly as possible. He almost ran, and I clumsily tried to keep up with him and avoid tripping over my own feet and crutches. However, he nodded to a few people in greeting.

"Wilhelm's house is on the other side of town. I usually enter on the other side, but you probably wanted to get here as quickly as possible, so..." He hunched his shoulders even more. "I feel relatively comfortable there."

"Let's go there," I urged him, obviously pretending I wasn't out of breath and was barely catching my breath. "I don't want you to tire yourself out and sacrifice yourself for me. You've already done too much for me. And I can always see the city myself; it won't disappear anywhere."

I didn't look around; I really wanted to see this place, but not at anyone's expense, so after a few minutes of really fast walking, we reached the suburbs on the other side. Renet stopped in front of a building that reminded me of a hall with really wide and high doors.

"It's a warehouse; the house is at the back because sometimes people were too pushy," he explained, confidently heading in that direction.

Well, yes, he's probably been here many times, I remembered, and I didn't want to leave his side. As soon as we left the main street, Renet began to relax, but even such a familiar place didn't seem to give him a certain amount of freedom. Sometimes, he glanced at me to make sure I was still with him. He knocked on the door, which, after a while, an old man opened. I had to admit, he really did exude a lovely aura. Gray hair, a thick mustache, bushy eyebrows, a smile, and eyes full of warmth—nothing but to wait for him to pull a handful of candy from his pocket and offer it to you.

"Oh, Renet, I didn't expect you until next week," he said, surprised to see us, but he kept smiling. "Now that you're here, you two are here." He glanced at me, studied me for a moment, probably assessing. "Then come for dinner. Wanda will surely be happy to serve food to two young bachelors."