A Flicker of Doubt

◆ Tsukasa

You can have bad days so you can love the good days even more.

This phrase was said by Izumi Miyamura, from the shoujo anime Horimiya.

Right now, I finally get the meaning of it.

My school materials, water bottle, among other things may be stolen—and then returned by Senpai—as many times as possible, and I will be upset—and rejoiced that Senpai is there to protect me—, but then me and my friends go to the beach with my favorite person and his best friend.

Who could ask for something better than this?

Right now, me, Chiho, and Tae are inside Enomoto-senpai’s… uh… unattractive… van, on our way to Izu. It’ll take us just a few hours to get there, but every second feels like an eternity. Since, after all…

Senpai is in the car, right in the passenger seat. Almost in front of me.

Lucky Tae, who’s sitting right behind him. Lucky lucky lucky lucky…

“Kacchan.” Chiho whispers. “Kacchan, are you there?”

I snap into attention. “Yes,” I whisper back. “What is it?”

“I’m feeling a bit sick,” she says. “Could you ask Enomoto-senpai if he has some motion sickness medicine?”

“Okay,” I say. Then I turn to stare at the front seats. “Enomoto-senpai, do you have motion sickness medicine for Chiho-chan? She’s not feeling very well.”

“Oh, sure,” he says, then turns to look at Senpai. “Yukki, could you fetch that for me in the glove compartment? Since I’m driving, I can’t reach it.” He then winks, something Senpai answers with a fresh glare before opening said compartment and digging his hand in.

After a moment, he pulls out a flask filled with pills the size of a thumbnail.

“Take one of these with some water,” he says, handing the flask to me. "The effect will last until we arrive in Izu. Just be careful with the car shaking so you don't choke." As he does, his fingertips—and nails—brush the palm of my hand.

Huh?????

My brain fries, but I manage to contain myself and thank him before handing the flask to Chiho. She pulls out her water bottle, stuffs one pill in her mouth, and takes a long swig of the water.

I want to sink into my seat, but simultaneously, I want to scream in joy. Because he touched my hand. I’ve read enough shoujo manga to know when it’s an accident and when it’s on purpose, and what happened just now was definitely the latter.

I think I might faint.

“Kacchan,” Chiho says, handing a pill to me, “take this. You look like you’re going to faint. Don’t force yourself to much.” Her expression is worried, and I give her my best smile.

“I’m fine, Chiho-chan,” I say. “Don’t worry about me. Worry about your own health first.”

She blushes and hides behind one of her books—where did she get that from, I wonder?—.

I’m pretty sure she knows that reading inside a moving car worsens motion sickness, but she still does that.

Sometimes I don’t understand my best friends, even if I’ve known them for a thousand years.

***

When we arrive in Izu, the sun on my face is warm and welcoming. As Enomoto-senpai stops the engine and comes out of the van, he smirks.

“Welcome, ladies, to Izu!” He exclaims. Behind him, Senpai frowns.

Tae suddenly shouts something and I almost trip in the sand. “What is it?” I ask.

“Look!” She says. “Jesus, what a crowd!”

I look in the direction she’s pointing and my jaw almost falls straight on the sand. The beach is filled to the brim with people, either sunbathing, rolling in the sand (no kidding), or splashing around in the water.

“Oh no…” Chiho, who has a problem with crowds, nearly falls on her back and I have to catch her. “What are we going to do?” She whispers.

“Well, we gotta find our cabins,” Enomoto-senpai says. “The ladies’ is number 68, and ours is… ah!” He suddenly starts to laugh. “Ours is… ah ah ah…”

“What?” I look at the paper in his hands with the cabin numbers, and it says 68 and 69.

“What’s the issue with the number 69?” I ask him. Behind me, Tae makes a snorting noise and Chiho blushes.

Senpai saves the day as he walks in my direction, with a hand on his forehead. “Aishi-san, I suppose your parents didn’t tell you this,” he says with a sigh. “Now, how do I explain it…” and he blushes profusely. “Let’s say it’s… a number with a very odd connotation.”

The way he says the word ‘odd’ strikes me, and I feel like I want to stick my head into the sand as the realization arrives. “Oh,” I say. “I… understand.”

The others start walking ahead, laughing as they look for the cabin signs. I hang back for a second, my cheeks still burning, and bend down to look at a pretty, iridescent seashell half-buried in the sand. I get lost in the swirling colors for a moment, thinking of Senpai.

When I finally look up, I realize I've drifted away from the group. They're already fifty feet ahead, just colorful dots in the distance. It's just me.

“Where…?” I begin, but suddenly I hear a sharp crack behind me and a thud. I whirl around, and it’s a glass bottle that just flew right over my head and hit the beach umbrella behind me.

A hand is placed on my shoulder, a tanned, rugged hand, and a voice that speaks with a throaty cough appears too close to my ear:

“Hey, sweetie. Want to hear some good words?”

I shiver. “What?”

“Are you my motorcycle?” He—I realize it’s a man—asks.

“No, why?”

“‘Cause I wanna ride you all night long.”

Suddenly it dawns on me that I’m alone, with this suspicious person, on a corner of the beach nobody cares about.

Why? I want to cry. Why does this have to happen to me?

A sharp crack rings in my ears and the hand lets go. Something falls with a thud behind me. I look and I see Senpai, with another half-shattered glass bottle in his hand, trembling. The man lies on the ground, unconscious, bleeding from the head.

“Aishi-san, are you okay?” He asks.

My knees are on the verge of giving out now. It’s too much.

Without thinking, I run to Senpai and hug him. Tears start to fall from my eyes.

“S-s-senpai…” I gasp, my throat barely holding my words. “I… I was so scared…”

“It’s okay now. Nobody’s going to hurt you anymore,” he whispers, hugging me back, and his words slide through me like burn ointment. I finally feel safe now, in his embrace, away from whatever might happen.

“Senpai… thank you…” I whisper. Another tear falls and creates a stain in his immaculate white shirt.

“You’ll be okay now… Aishi-chan.” His tone flutters a bit, like a flustered schoolboy trying to call his special someone by another name. My heart nearly jumps out of my mouth.

He called me… Aishi-chan!

Senpai, you’re the death of me.

When Chiho, Tae, and Enomoto-senpai enter my line of vision, running like hellhounds on a chase, I faint in Senpai’s arms.

***

When I wake up, the first thing I register is the smell of Victoria’s Secret perfume. Tae’s perfume. I open my eyes, sit up on the bed—where am I?—and there she is, with a face that looks like she just ran through hell barefoot chased by wailing ghosts.

“Rainbow-chan!” She almost shrieks, and hugs me so hard I nearly choke. “You woke up! I’m so glad, I thought you’d had a heart attack!” She lets go and then inhales sharply. “Haibara-senpai told us what happened,” she says. “You should have seen Chiho. Pennywise himself would go slack at the face she made. She looked like a mix of Scream, Samara and a bunch of ghosts wailing together. Jesus, she was so pale I could see through her.” She catches her breath again. “God, to think something like that would happen, and right on the first day… Enomoto-senpai took Chiho to the first aid, and Haibara-senpai… he’s been sitting outside for hours. Without sunscreen, a hat or anything to protect him from the sun. Said he’d wait until you’d recovered to move again.” She sighs again. “I’ll tell him you woke up. Just wait a second.” She stands up and walks to the door, closing it shut behind her.

Senpai… he stayed outside to protect me. If that guy’s friends tried to chase me, he would fight them. Oh, my charming knight in shining armor. I’m so happy my heart led me to him.

The door opens again, and Senpai enters, his beautiful face with clear marks of sunburns. “Oh, Aishi-san,” he says, relieved. “You’re awake.”

I smile at him and try to stand up. But my legs give way and I fall back on the bed.

“Don’t force yourself,” he says. “You just suffered an attempt of assault. Take your time to recover.”

Yes, when I stop wanting to toss myself on your neck.

“Okay, Senpai,” I say. Then I notice the degree of his burns. “Shouldn’t you put some lotion on your face? Those burns don’t look so good.”

“That’s nothing,” he says calmly. “What matters now is that you’re awake and safe. My skin can wait.”

And what about my frying brain, huh? Do you want to help me or kill me?

“Where’s Chiho-chan?” I ask.

“Enomoto took her to the first aid people. She’s recovering, but the doctors said her blood pressure had dropped to dangerous levels and her heart almost stopped. It’s going to take a while for her to be okay again, so no beach time for today.”

I shrink. “Sorry, Senpai,” I whisper. “It’s my fault. I didn’t notice everyone had left and now look at the mess I made.”

Senpai kneels in front of me. “Aishi-san, it’s not your fault,” he says, his tone now more gentle. “It was my failure to notice the man before it was too late. Thankfully he happened to have left another bottle behind. Otherwise…” and he cuts himself off to breathe, clearly troubled. “If something had happened to you, I’d never be able to forgive myself.”

“Senpai…”

Mustering all my courage, I reach out and take his hand in both of mine. It’s warm, and the way the fingers of his other hand wrap around mine feels natural.

Did he know this was going to happen?

The thought hits me like a slap. Did Senpai know all along I was going to be attacked? But he just said he would never be able to forgive himself if something happened to me. He must be telling the truth. Yes, that’s just my little devil talking.

Finally he speaks again, still holding my hands:

“It’s too dangerous to go out into the beach. So why don’t we have karaoke instead?”

I light up. “Karaoke?” I ask. “Where?”

“Across the street. I just messaged Enomoto and he agreed to the idea. He said that even him wouldn’t dare step on the sand.” He smiles and helps me up with a hoist, the momentum almost throwing me on him. “Let’s go?”

“Yes, but… one more thing.”

His brow creases in confusion. “What?”

“You… you can keep calling me Aishi-chan if you like.” I say, my voice reduced to a whisper.

His expression doesn’t make a dramatic change, but I can see the smallest hint of pink dust his cheeks. “Okay.”