Dissonant Melody (Part 1)

◆ Chiho

Man shall not live on hope alone.

Some old writer said that, and I never really understood it until now. Because for the past few weeks, all I've been living on is the hope that I'm wrong about him—about them. The hope that I'm just being a paranoid horror fan, seeing monsters where there are only boys.

But as Tae comes over to say we're heading to the karaoke room across the street, my chest tightens. Something about this feels wrong.

***

When we get there, all seems okay and quiet. Most of the karaoke rooms, surprisingly, are empty, which gives us the opportunity to pick a place where we have a lot of space.

As me, Kacchan, and the senpais plop into the couch close to the stage of the karaoke room, Tae goes to the microphone and announces:

“Okay, people, today’s theme is… American love songs! Pick yours and come up here!”

Enomoto-senpai’s hand shoots up immediately. “Me first!” He exclaims. Running up to the stage, he chooses one song from the tablet and takes the microphone.

“Hey, I know this song!” Kacchan exclaims as the instrumentals begin. “It’s from Bruno Mars… But I can’t remember the name.”

And Enomoto-senpai starts singing.

“It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do

Hey, baby, I think I wanna marry you

Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice?

Who cares, baby? I think I wanna marry you”

“Well, he sings better than I thought,” I hear Haibara-senpai mutter, and his tone doesn’t sound like a surprised friend at all. No. It’s the tone of someone shocked that a person isn’t wholly incompetent.

Why is he talking about his best friend like that?

“Well, I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go

No one will know, oh, come on girl

Who cares if we're trashed? Got a pocket full of cash we can blow

Shots of Patrón and it's on, girl

Don't say no, no, no, no, no

Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And we'll go, go, go, go, go

If you're ready, like I'm ready”

“This song is so beautiful,” Kacchan says, sighing with a smile. Then she turns to look at me. “Don’t you wish someone sung to you that they want to marry you, Chiho-chan?”

“Um…” I hesitate for a moment. “Yes, I would want that.”

Except the person I wanted to sing to me is ensnared in a web of fire.

“'Cause it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do

Hey, baby, I think I wanna marry you

Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice?

Who cares, baby? I think I wanna marry you, oh

I'll go get a ring, let the choir bells sing like, ooh

So what ya wanna do? Let's just run, girl

If we wake up and you wanna break up, that's cool

No, I won't blame you, it was fun, girl

Don't say no, no, no, no, no

Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And we'll go, go, go, go, go

If you're ready, like I'm ready”

As Enomoto-senpai sings, I realize he’s looking straight at Tae. And smiling.

Of course. I should have known.

He’s literally asking her out in a very non-cryptic way.

And Tae…

Tae’s blushing.

She’s actually blushing, her tanned gyaru-look face taking on a bright shade of pink.

Alright, when are the pigs going to start flying? Because this is unbelievable.

“'Cause it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do

Hey, baby, I think I wanna marry you

Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice?

Who cares, baby? I think I wanna marry you

Just say, "I do"

Tell me right now, baby

Tell me right now, baby, baby

Just say, "I do"

Tell me right now, baby

Tell me right now, baby, baby, oh

It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do

Hey, baby, I think I wanna marry you

Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice?

Who cares, baby? I think I wanna marry you”

Finally Enomoto-senpai finishes the song and stands there, microphone in hand, smiling like he’s just won the lottery. And as he passes Tae, he slips something into her hand.

Probably, a note saying “Let’s talk later”, or something like that.

“A-alright, who’s next?” Tae asks. No one says a word. Then, taking the opportunity, she exclaims: “Okay, now it’s my turn!”

She takes the stage confidently, a firm grip on her microphone, and when the first beats of a Cyndi Lauper track start playing, she’s already owned the stage.

“I come home, in the mornin' light

My mother says, "When you gonna live your life right?"

Oh momma dear, we're not the fortunate ones

And girls, they wanna have fun

Oh girls just wanna have fun

The phone rings, in the middle of the night

My father yells, "What you gonna do with your life?"

Oh daddy dear, you know you're still number one

But girls, they wanna have fun

Oh girls just wanna have

That's all they really want

Some fun

When the workin' day is done

Oh girls, they wanna have fun

Oh girls just wanna have fun (girls, they want)

(Wanna have fun, girls)

(Wanna have)”

When I look around to catch the reactions, they’re about the ones I expected. Enomoto-senpai’s almost drooling, Haibara-senpai’s startlingly indifferent, and Kacchan is… staring at Tae’s singing and dancing with a look that seems like jealousy? No, that’s not normal. Kacchan doesn’t act like that normally.

Is she jealous because Tae can just go and start a Cyndi Lauper-esque choreography that can look a bit risqué depending on the angle, like she’s done just now? Or because… certain people are looking?

Oh, no.

After a few minutes, Tae finishes the song, sets the microphone back on the handle, and sits back down on the couch.

“Who wants to be next?” She asks.

I raise my hand. “Me.”

“Okay, then go there, select your song using the tablet, get the microphone, and then get on singing!”

Hesitantly, I make my way to the stage. I select my song, pick up the microphone, and when the instrumentals start playing, I pray for the best.

I wish that my message arrives.

Kacchan… please hear me.

“Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now

Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same

When our friends talk about you

All it does is just tear me down

'Cause my heart breaks a little

When I hear your name”

“‘When I Was Your Man’?” Tae raises her eyebrows, but I don’t care. This is my message, to my lost beloved, swimming in a false, hazy, scarlet-stained sea of sugar, with no one to tell her it’s not okay to be there.

“It all just sounds like ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize

That I should've bought you flowers

And held your hand

Should've gave you all my hours

When I had the chance

Take you to every party

'Cause all you wanted to do was dance

Now my baby's dancing

But she's dancing with another man”

I can hear Enomoto-senpai sniffling. Kacchan’s eyes are welling up with tears.

Haibara-senpai is staring now. Not interested, not surprised, just staring. Watching my every movement.

Yes, because a part of this song is for him too.

“My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways

Caused a good strong woman like you

To walk out my life

Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made

And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize

That I should've bought you flowers

And held your hand

Should've gave you all my hours

When I had the chance

Take you to every party

'Cause all you wanted to do was dance

Now my baby's dancing

But she's dancing with another man

Although it hurts

I'll be the first to say that I was wrong

Oh, I know I'm probably much too late

To try and apologize for my mistakes

But I just want you to know

I hope he buys you flowers

I hope he holds your hand

Give you all his hours

When he has the chance

Take to every party

'Cause I remember how much you loved to dance

Do all the things I should have done

When I was your man

Do all the things I should have done

When I was your man”

When I finally finish I’m crying too because the reality of my situation is so bitter and horrifyingly close to the narrator of the song’s situation. Except that I didn’t make Kacchan walk out of my life, it was my own unwillingness to take action upon my feelings that led to me losing her heart to someone I can’t quite trust.

But, now, I entrust him with her heart.

And I hope he treats her well.

I climb down the steps to the stage, but before I can fall onto the couch, I remember there’s something I need to say.

Quietly, I call Haibara-senpai and ask if we can talk outside. He nods, and once the door is shut behind us, he asks:

“What is it, Nishimura-san?”

I inhale sharply. This would normally take a lot of rehearsing to say, but I need to do it now.

“Haibara-senpai,” I begin, “I know Kacchan would be mad at me if she knew I told you this, but… she cherishes you very deeply.”

He seems slightly taken aback by my statement. “What do you mean?” He asks.

“I mean… I’ve seen the way she looks at you. I know the way her eyes change when she talks about you. I haven’t read enough shoujo to be compared to romantic monsters like Kacchan and Tae, but I’ve read enough to know that it is the look of love. So…” I inhale again. “Please, don’t hurt Kacchan. She’s too innocent to differentiate true love from someone who’ll use her. So please… protect her heart where I can’t.”

And do all the things I can’t.

This last part is not spoken, but he seems to understand it.

“I will,” he says. “I swear it on my life, Nishimura-san, that I will ensure no harm ever comes to Aishi-san.”

I feel happy, but something keeps nagging at me. So I nod and say that we should go back in.

When we go back in, Kacchan casts a strange glare at us as Tae asks once more who wants to sing.

“I want to,” Haibara-senpai says, and climbs to the stage to select the song on the tablet. As he rolls the screen, he seems surprised by something. Then he clicks on the screen and walks to the microphone.

When the speakers begin to blast out the first instrumentals I freeze.

I know this song.

No. No. No.

Why?

And he starts singing.

“Every breath you take

And every move you make

Every bond you break

Every step you take

I'll be watching you

Every single day

And every word you say

Every game you play

Every night you stay

I'll be watching you”

Why this song?

I thought I could change something. I thought I was being paranoid.

But now I know, for certain, that I am not mixing things up.

“Oh, can't you see

You belong to me?

How my poor heart aches

With every step you take?

Every move you make

And every vow you break

Every smile you fake

Every claim you stake

I'll be watching you”

Kacchan’s eyes are glistening and pink. She’s thinking of this as a love song, to her, probably. But I am on the edge of my seat, terrified at a detail no one seems to have noticed.

He’s not singing this as a song. He’s singing this as a statement.

Like he’s actually saying these words out loud. Saying that every breath Kacchan—hopefully not her, most likely her—takes, every step she takes, he’ll be watching.

Not as a guardian, but as some kind of terrifying camera.

“Since you've gone, I've been lost without a trace

I dream at night, I can only see your face

I look around, but it's you I can't replace

I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace

I keep crying, baby, baby please

Oh, can't you see

You belong to me?

How my poor heart aches

With every step you take?”

Lies, lies and more lies. This whole karaoke trip must have been his idea. To bury Kacchan’s logical reasoning in a mound of sugary words that are actually terrifying truths.

“Every move you make

And every vow you break

Every smile you fake

Every claim you stake

I'll be watching you

Every move you make

Every step you take

I'll be watching you”

His voice drops an octave, to a slightly deeper, manly tone.

“I'll be watching you

(Every breath you take)

(Every move you make)

(Every bond you break)

(Every step you take) I'll be watching you

I'll be watching you

I'll be watching you

whoo, hoo

(Every game you play)

(Every night you stay) I'll be watching you

I'll be watching you

I'll be watching you

I'll be watching you

(Every single day)

(Every word you say)

(Every game you play)

(Every night you stay) I'll be watching you”

When he finishes, everyone starts clapping in applause. Everyone, except me.

If there’s something I’m right now, is too deep in shock to applaud.

Next up is Kacchan. Slapping her own cheeks to regain focus, she climbs onstage, picks a song on the tablet, and grabs the microphone, clutching it like a lifeline—a gesture that doesn’t pass me unnoticed.

“Can I tell you something just between you and me?

When I hear your voice, I know I'm finally free

Every single word is perfect as it can be

And I need you here with me”

Oh, yes you do. After such a bath of love, who wouldn’t say this? It’s so obvious and so painful at the same time.

Because, right now, I feel like I’m watching a horror movie, and pleading for the character not to open the door because if they do so they’ll be killed by the villain. And of course they still open the door regardless.

But, right now, it’s not a fictional character I’m pleading to. It’s a real, living, breathing person, who’s just fallen into a hole she doesn’t want to dig herself out of.

And I can’t do anything to help her. It’s sheer horror, worse than watching Poltergeist, IT, Scream, and any other horror movie I can recall.

Right now, all I can do is sit and watch, like this was a movie or a novel.

And I sit and watch, mortified by reality, which is supposed to be less scary than any of my Junji Ito novels.

***

“Sing again!” I barely register Tae’s exclamation. “Encore!”

Kacchan blushes a bit, unsure of what to do, before going to the tablet again. As she clicks on the screen, I notice Haibara-senpai shift on the couch.

He’s staring again, this time at Kacchan.

Something’s about to happen.

When she starts to sing, it’s with more resolve, more sass, than anything I’ve seen on her before:

“I'll tell you a story before it tells itself

I'll lay out all my reasons, you'll say that I need help

We all got expectations, and sometimes they go wrong

But no one listens to me, so I put it in this song

They tell me think with my head, not that thing in my chest

They got their hands at my neck this time

But you're the one that I want, if that's really so wrong

Then they don't know what this feeling is like”

Excuse me, they what?

What’s with this ‘us versus they’ thing?

Kacchan?

She continues, unaffected by mine—or Tae’s, too, I realize—shock.

“And I say yeah-eah

Yeah-eah-eah-eah

Yeah-eah

Yeah-eah-eah-eah

And I say yeah-eah

Yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah-eah”

What happened to Kacchan? What happened to the ordinary, cheerful girl who single-handedly made her life like a shoujo heroine’s? Now she looks like a love machine. Like a robot driven mad by its objective.

And suddenly, Haibara-senpai appears on stage, holding a second microphone.

“I'll tell them a story, they'll sit and nod their heads

I tell you all my secrets, and you tell all your friends

Hold on to your opinions, and stand by what you said

In the end, it's my decision, so it's my fault when it ends”

His voice picks up tone, momentum, feeling, and discharges it all in the breakdown:

“They tell me to think with my head, not that thing in my chest

They got their hands at my neck this time

But you're the one that I want, if that's really so wrong

Then they don't know what this feeling is like

And I say yeah-eah

Yeah-eah-eah-eah

Yeah-eah-eah-eah

And I say yeah-eah

Yeah-eah-eah-eah

Yeah-eah-eah-eah”

Yes, this is it. The final statement. This is the moment when they look each other in the eye and say that nobody understands the truth of the bond they share. Because this is not just some silly high school romance. This is something else. Deeper. Harder. Terrifying.

Finally they sing in one voice, singing as one being instead of two, uncaring of anything in the universe besides each other.

“I'll tell you a story before it tells itself

I'll lay out all my reasons, you'll say that I need help

We all got expectations, and sometimes they go wrong

But no one listens to me, so I put it in this song

They tell me to think with my head, not that thing in my chest

They got their hands at my neck this time

But you're the one that I want, if that's really so wrong

Then they don't know what this feeling is like

My friends say no-o, no-o-o (but they don't know)

No-o, no-o-o

Yeah, no-o, no-o-o (they don't know)

No-o, no-o-o (don't know)

No, no

And I say no, oh, oh

And I say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

They don't know, oh”

As the song ends, they stand together, microphones in their hands, with the faces of people who don’t understand what they’ve just done. But their eyes are of people who have entered a mutual pact that no one can reverse.

The pact of accomplices… is now consummated.