Dreams and Reality — Meilin

It was getting late in Elysium, so Himari found a spare room for Haruki and me.

“Do you need to wash the makeup off your face?”

Himari handed me some wipes.

Makeup…?

“I don’t have any on.”

My family was too poor to afford any of them. So I never learned.

“No way…that’s all natural?” Himari poked my cheeks, “You’re making me jealous.”

I shrugged. I didn’t care much about looks.

I hated people who judge others for being ugly. It’s disgusting.

Just like how they hated me for being hideous:

“Look at Meilin’s nails…they’re so untidy.”

“That messed up and oily hair? I wonder if she even showers.”

“Ugly.”

“Horrible.”

“No amount of makeup can fix you.”

Those voices still echo in my head.

Seriously, why did they care so much about my looks? It’s not like my bad looks would hurt them.

After taking a shower, I changed into some clothes Himari borrowed and plopped straight into bed.

I’m exhausted.

My body gave in to the softness of the mattress, my eyelids felt heavy, and I dozed off.

My mind slipped into a dream.

I was in a hospital.

It seemed oddly familiar. The corridors were the same as the ones I went through for my appointments.

I’ve been here before.

The nurses and doctors rushed through the hallway, not once halting to look at me.

That’s when I saw a familiar face.

“Dad.”

He was sitting on a bench outside a patient's room, scrolling through his phone.

“Dad.”

He didn’t respond.

“Dad?”

Suddenly, the door opened.

My mom stood in the doorway, tears ran down her face, like they were runners in a marathon.

Her hands were trembling. Her eyes were red and puffy.

“Your turn.” Mom sobbed, exiting the room.

My dad, seeing my mother in such a vulnerable state, reached his hand out to her shoulder.

My mom immediately slapped his hand away,

“Don’t touch me, Xinghei. I don’t need your pity.”

My dad sighed, then went into the room.

I followed him in and saw—

Myself.

I was covered in bandages, and there were monitors all around me.

Not a rare sight, honestly.

But I was unconscious.

My dad went over to my bed and held my hand tightly.

“I’m sorry, Mei mei…I didn’t know the divorce was so harsh on you.”

He winced as a single tear flowed down his cheeks.

“If I had known. If I knew that the divorce would cause you to do such a reckless act, I wouldn’t have left you. I would’ve been with you. I’m sorry Mei mei…”

“If only I could go back and undo the mistakes I’ve made.” He sobbed, “Forgive me Mei mei…”

I wanted to run to my dad, to hug him.

But my legs were paralysed.

I could only shout, “I’m here, Dad. It’s not your fault. Dad, please don’t blame yourself.”

“I’m here. Why can’t you see me? Why can’t you hear me?”

Then it clicked.

Either this is my dream, or this is what’s happening on Earth right now.

Who knows, maybe I still haven’t transitioned.

Maybe a part of me is still stuck there.

That’s why I can see, feel and hear them. But they can’t.

My body is in Elysium. But part of my soul is back on Earth.

Seeing my dad wept like that is truly painful. Even though he abandoned us, he’s still my father. And I made him cry. I did.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I know you cannot hear me right now, but it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I thought I couldn't handle life without Haokei. She’s everything I have left. So I decided to leave. It’s my choice. Not your fault.”

I somehow felt better after saying that.

It’s fine.

They’ll be fine without me.

But there’s a pain inside my heart. A lingering…regret?

But I wanted to leave. Why am I regretting it now?

I couldn’t face this scene anymore, so I exited the room.

Haokei should be in this hospital too.

It was the only hospital close to our area.

I went to the reception desk and searched for Haokei’s room on the computer.

“Room 104.”

I wandered around the hospital, got lost for a bit, then finally found Room 104.

I carefully opened the door and entered the room.

Haokei’s body was on the bed, and some flowers left by classmates were on the table, along with cards written, “Get well soon.”

From the looks of it, she wasn’t going to get better.

On the computer record, she was marked as deceased.

I guess this is goodbye.

“Haokei…”

I broke down and started crying uncontrollably.

I whimpered softly, sitting on the edge of Haokei’s bed. “If only I had gone with you that day…”

“It’s all my fault. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“I’m sorry for not being able to protect you, Haokei.”

“I’m sorry for making you upset, Mom and Dad.”

I’ll try to make it right for you with the wish orb. I wish for Mom and Dad to be happy again. Perhaps they would like to forget about me. And I’ll wish for Haokei…

But shouldn’t this wish be for me?

The orb belongs to me.

I should wish for something useful for myself in Elysium instead.

Mom and Dad will get over it soon anyway.

Haokei’s death was the reason I am in Elysium now.

It’ll all be fine.

I guess…

I woke up crying.

My pillow was stained with my tears.

The sunshine shone from the window, and the wind blew the curtains. They look like the wedding dress of a bride.

I sat up. Haruki was still asleep, snoring in his bed. Who knew cats could snore this loud?

My head hurts.

My neck hurts.

My eyes hurt from crying so much.

What a fantastic start to an adventure.