Chapter 36:

36 - Orchid?

Dude! Where's My Princess?


ARWIN

Arwin cautiously made his way out into the dungeon corridor. The beautiful witch strode down the spooky, dark hall, taking the globe of firelight with her. There was just enough illumination to see thousands of gleaming eyes lining the stone walls of the dungeon all around him. Fear coursed through his veins, and he hurried after his captor through the tunnel of watchful spiders. He kept his arms tight to his sides, all too aware of the way in which the arachnid horde twitched and turned to follow him as he passed. At least none of the ones here were bigger than a small dog. The giant ones seemed to have hidden elsewhere.

She led him up several flights of stone stairs, ascending past other underground levels, then past nicer, properly finished floors. The stone went from damp and cold to dry and warm as they got above ground and then even higher. Thankfully, the stairwell also became less crowded from the second floor upwards, perhaps because insects were more prevalent closer to the ground, and so that’s where most of the spiders made their homes and hunting grounds. Still, there was no escaping the occasional cobwebs in a corner or a jumping spider occasionally leaping out of their way. It made Arwin wish he was wearing a full-body hazmat suit. How could anyone live here amongst all these nasty things?

They eventually emerged into a long hall with a towering ceiling two stories above. The space felt stylish and open. Floor-to-ceiling windows covered the entire right-hand wall, bathing the hall in the deep orange light of sunset, revealing several couches and deep sitting chairs interspersed with wrought-iron lampstands, each with small cauldrons dangling from the top to provide both heat and light. Coffee tables next to the seating held an array of books, a couple of empty mugs, and a small pile of papers, likely work stuff.

Flowering plants lined the inside of the windows. They weren’t in pots. Instead, they grew on short piles of rough stone and thick branches covered in moss, giving a natural feel to the space. He recognized all the blooms as orchids, of which there were many splendid and colourful varieties, some of which he’d never seen before. From the looks of things, a couple of species seemed to be carnivorous; their petals were shaped like venus fly traps. He hoped they ate spiders.

As he watched, faint, gray clouds appeared over the plants — indoors — and a light shower misted down, just enough to dampen the rocks and moss. A magical automatic watering system.

Arwin looked left as they walked and saw that the wall opposite the window was covered in artwork. His curiosity was piqued; he enjoyed art and wouldn’t have minded coming here in the daytime to view the treasures. While the woman leading him through the castle had been portrayed by others as evil and dangerous, it seemed that she also had other sides to her. She certainly appreciated beauty in various forms.

She evidently had no fear of him at all because she had kept her back to him thus far without once looking over her shoulder. He doubted that he had any chance of sneaking up on her. Given the physical power she’d displayed when slapping him earlier, he honestly wasn’t sure if he could overpower her, even if he tried.

Their journey had been in silence thus far, but the hall was obviously important to the woman, and he knew he should be using this opportunity to ingratiate himself with her in order to buy more time and leniency for him and Yaz. He gestured to the flowers. “Orchid?”

“Yes?” She stopped and turned to give him a puzzled look.

“You’re not sure?”

She saw his pointing hand. “Ah, the flowers.” She gave a slight shake of her head. “Yes. They’re all orchids.”

He’d picked up on her odd reaction. “Your real name. It’s Orchid?” he guessed, smiling.

Her eyes narrowed at his smile, perhaps thinking that he was mocking her.

He hurried to assure her, “It’s a beautiful name. Unique.”

She hesitated. Something went through her mind, likely a thought, and she relaxed, shedding a bit of her coldness. “Yes. It is my actual name. Everyone took to calling me the Dark Enchantress a very long time ago, and that stuck. I don’t know if anyone alive remembers my real name.”

“Anyone alive?” He started to laugh, then sobered with a thought. “You don’t kill people who learn your true name, do you?”

She shook her head. “Of course not. It’s simply been so long since anyone has used it.”

“Really? But how long could that possibly be? You look about, what, twenty-three? Twenty-seven at the oldest?”

She crooked an eyebrow at him, giving him an amused glance. “Not everything is as it appears in this world.” She paused, then looked away. “Nor is everyone.”

He was puzzled. “Even if no one had used it since you were born, there should be plenty of people who still knew it.”

She laughed. It was a guarded laugh, not cruel or mocking like it had been earlier. “I’m not as young as I appear. Nor do I have a lot of interaction with others.”

“Really? How ol—” He broke off. “Sorry. Probably shouldn’t ask, right?”

She bit her lip, thinking.

Arwin tried not to find that little habit adorable, given who he was with, but was only marginally successful. She was so beautiful. He shook himself. No. She was evil. He couldn’t let himself get distracted. Admiring her was the first step to liking her, and he couldn’t afford that. The plan was to get her to like him enough to free him and his friend.

“I can’t entirely be sure without looking it up, but from the top of my head...” She turned squarely to face him. Her eyes watched him without blinking. “I’m probably about six hundred and something.”

His eyes bugged out. “Psh! Wha—!”

Arwin’s honest astonishment caught her off guard, and she smiled. But this time, it was an honest, real smile, nothing cruel or playful.

Arwin sputtered. “I’m sorry, I thought… I mean, are you not human? You’re an elf or...something else? Forgive me. I have no idea how things work in Heartstone.”

She gave a small shrug. “Relax. I am not offended. Yes, I’m human. Mostly. About three quarters.” She seemed to catch herself and frowned as if she hadn’t meant to admit to that about herself.

He couldn’t help but ask, “What’s the other quarter?”

She turned away without answering.

He astutely realized that he probably shouldn’t pursue that line of questioning, so he continued with another. “So, humans in Heartstone live hundreds, or thousands, of years?”

“No. They age at probably the same rate as in Drearia. Perhaps eighty or a hundred years, on average, before death catches up to them. Though some live about a hundred and ten or twenty if they are lucky.”

“That’s actually better than our average. I think ours is around seventy-five.”

“Again, stop living in a garbage dump. If you’re going to pollute your bodies like that, of course, you’re going to die young.”

He completely agreed. “So, how do you stay so young?”

“Magic.”

“Wow. That’s handy. So, can anyone…?”

“No. Not at all.” She turned back to him, drawing herself up in obvious pride. “My ability to extend my lifespan is a product of my own particular research, my strengths and experimentation. At one point, I was quite old and nearing the end of my natural lifespan when I discovered how to change myself. The solution was in our own biology, of course. Telomere and cell regeneration, DNA restoration and enhancements, that sort of thing. The road to those solutions came from hints in other animals and genes from other living things, too, as well as the various properties of magic and how they interact with our biology. I studied many different creatures, diving into the cellular structure and regenerative genes of various beings able to heal rapidly or even regrow body parts. I found ways to more efficiently flush out cancers and unwanted genetic mutations. Then it was a long, delicate and complicated matter of learning how to manipulate mitochondrial energy to stimulate just the correct processes, without unwanted side effects, in order to evolve a new biological process within myself that heals, regenerates, and prevents aging. Not to mention the long, hard road of figuring out how to keep one’s memories and knowledge, storing far more than a regular brain does, and fighting off the inevitable decay. That required not just local storage efficiency enhancements, but because of physical limitations using spatial linking to external supplemental hippocampus, neocortex, amygdala, basal ganglia, and cerebellum—” She caught herself and cut off, frowning at him.

He blinked. “You…hold on. You…connected your brain to another brain in a, like, pocket dimension or something?”

Her eyes narrowed. “So you are here for my secrets. I can’t believe I opened up so easily.“

“No, no! I have no interest in stealing anything. I can’t even do magic. Besides, I didn’t ask for details. You offered.”

“But you understood what I was talking about. That implies a level of knowledge—“

“I took biology in high school. I know a few things about computers. What you’re saying is total science fiction in my world, but I grasp the terminology you’re using, that’s all.”

“Really?” It didn’t sound like she believed him.

Arwin was honestly very impressed. “It’s just… Wow. You sound just like a scientist. And a brilliant one at that.”

She matter-of-factly stated, “Of course, I’m a scientist.”

“But I thought you were a sorceress or magician or something.”

“I am that too.” She paused in thought, unsure of him, obviously, but reluctantly continued. “In Heartstone, they can be one and the same. There are plenty of people who practice magic wildly, figuring out how to use it through trial and error without ever really understanding the processes involved. They go by labels such as witch and wizard and cast spells, which are pre-made commands. But I am a magical scientist, a magicist. I study not just how to use magic but also how magic itself works. And I use that deeper understanding to do greater things with magic and to solve new problems. Very, very few beings living today have studied the scientific processes of magic with the intensity, breadth, and depth that I have, particularly in relation to what it can do with humanoid biology. I have dedicated centuries—” She cut herself off, perhaps realizing she was getting carried away again. She blushed slightly and waved her hand as she turned away and continued to walk. “Anyway, yes, I am quite old, numerically speaking. But no, this is a very rare thing, and no one else is yet capable of what I’ve done, as far as I know, which is one reason why they keep trying to steal my research. Although there are other methods of lengthening life and plenty of creatures with natural lifespans much longer than humans.”

Arwin innocently asked, “Why can’t others do it? Others haven’t been able to verify your research?”

“Verify?” She spun back around and stamped her pretty foot, causing the stiletto heal to spark on the stone floor. Temper flaring, she stated, “I have not shared it! Not with those simpering, lying, backstabbing idiots in the Heart Kingdom. Not with the treacherous, small-minded Academy of Magical Sciences, nor the rogues in Scholomance, or anyone else. I will never share it because they do not deserve it!”

TimBaril
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