Chapter 4:

Chapter 4 - Open Your Eyes

An Original Sin

As I glared at the stars in the sky, the question of how I arrived had never even crossed my mind. It was natural. It felt as if this space was a part of me. The cause of my effects. Part of my identity.

I felt a presence besides me, but this felt like eternity. The sensation of, well, sensation, shocked my mind due to never having experienced it in this place before. The presence grew closer as my comfort faded away. Disappointed, I continued staring at the sky while speaking to the presence behind me. None of this was as new as I believed.

“I guess I’ll never go back.”

The presence spoke back to me in a kind manner.

“Who knows?”

I got up off the floor and turned around. A seemingly endless darkness, only illuminated by the stars in the sky, spread as far as the eye could see. I felt as if the stars were watching me, and yet it had an odd sense of comfort. I was standing on the darkness as if it was solid. In front of me stood a golden throne with blood dripping onto the floor as it rippled from the impact. With every step towards the throne, I got colder and colder.

This was the same thing I sensed before I existed. The place I was in before I had my senses.

I approached the throne. I was a singular step away. In an instant, a tall woman with long white hair stood in front of it. Her elegant white dress flowed through the blood dripping off the throne without interrupting its course. I knew this person. It was the God of Time. Even though she looked similar to the L’eau in my memory, she was a completely different person. She smiled and looked into my eyes without a single word.

I felt a comforting wave of shivers down my spine. She upheld a calm demeanor and yet it didn’t translate well into my view of her. I wanted to leave and at the same time I didn't. I had to ask her.

“Is this a place I’ve been before?”

Every time she looked at me, I could feel my existence being confirmed. It was as if her vision was the only thing keeping me attached to this world.

It was as if she gave me value. I felt like the tree from Ame’s analogy. If I fell, she would always be there to see it.

She smiled.

“Yes, it is. This is your internal world, Nell. Everybody has them, but only you can enter them. It’s quite an interesting place.”

She paused for a moment before continuing.

“I’m overjoyed that I can finally see you.”

With every word she spoke, I felt an endless amount of time passing in a fixed measurement. That instantly stopped as she spoke again, with a smile on her face. She spoke as if she was rubbing it in, and yet it also felt caring.

“This isn’t your home anymore, Nell.”

My heart sank and yet I couldn’t tell why. Was the throne the answer? Why would I need to sit on the throne? It was the only thing here I could cling to for answers. I had to ask her another question.

“If I sit on the throne, will I no longer be apathetic?”

“Yes.

“Will I have an identity?”

“Yes.”

“Will I have enough strength to protect everybody?”

“Yes.”

“Will I be able to continue living with Ame?”

“...Yes.”

There was a bit of disdain in that last yes, but alas, it did not concern me.

It was decided. If I sat on the throne, I would gain everything I needed. An easy fix to my problems. I could gain everything I ever needed. Wasn’t that what I wanted?

I took a step forward and stared at the God of Time resting on the throne.

“Please move.”

She replied to me with a soft smile on her face.

“Why should I?”

She already knew and yet she still asked. I knew she wasn’t truly looking for an answer. Her expression morphed from a smile to a straight face with a slight hint of disappointment.

“You can’t sit here. You aren’t human yet. Take this and leave.”

She pushed an oceanic blue ring onto my finger, before tapping my forehead and launching me out of my internal world.

“Light the flames and let me observe you. Only then can you truly be ‘you’.”

…

And with those words, I was sent back. I instantly sat up on my mattress, sweating. I turned around and saw Ame, crawling over the side of the bed, staring at me, startled. My mind went blank and I could only speak off of reflex.

“Uhm... Good... morning?”

Ame’s face morphed from surprised to a smile as he replied.

“Good morning. Breakfast is upstairs. I picked out clothes for you. They're on the floor.”

“O-Okay!”

After reminding me once again how efficient he was, Ame walked away and went upstairs and out of the basement.

After finally having time to collect my thoughts, I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t a dream. If it was a dream, I wouldn’t have the magic that the God of Time gave me, nor the blue ring. I could feel it inside my mind. But that also meant the throne was real. If that was the case, I needed to sit on it. I wanted to sit on it. A goal would remove my indolence, would it not? But she said I wasn’t a human, so I had to get that worked out first. It was all too confusing. I wanted to sleep.

But, I couldn’t. I stood up and got out of bed, still in my hospital robe. I walked over to the pile of clothes Ame had picked out for me. There was a black belt with a gold buckle, a black short-sleeved shirt, a horribly fitted coat that went down to my shin, loose fitted black pants, and a pair of shoes slightly too large. It seemed like he had a thing for the colors white and black. But, there was another thing my eyes were drawn to. A crimson ring, the color of human blood. Also, this looked incredibly expensive. How could he even afford it?

I put all the clothes on and started stumbling over books to reach the staircase that leads out of the basement. After leaving the basement, I walked over to the table and Ame was nowhere to be seen. I took the croissant off the plate, put it in my mouth and left the house. Ame was sitting on the front porch waiting for me.

“Hey.”

Ame looked back at me after I said this and smiled.

“I have some things to tell you before I start the training. Sit down.”

I nodded and sat down. I turned and stared at him, until he spoke.

“Please don’t look at me while I tell you this.”

I didn’t know why he didn’t want me to look at him. I felt so much comfort when he observed me, and I didn’t know why he didn’t feel the same. I wanted my existence to be confirmed. I wasn’t sure why anybody wouldn’t.

I turned my head away from him as he spoke.

“I know about your divinity.”

…

I put my head down.

“Look at the book I placed in your lap. This showed up in my house when I was at my lowest point.”

It was labeled “The Essence of Eternity - Volume 0”. He opened the book and showed it to me. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I saw words explaining how a man was trapped in a massive heart by a god. It acted as an incubator of sorts, shaping him into the being they wished for him to be. The man was named Nell Moren. It was only around a page long, with the rest of the book being filled with torn pages and blacked out words. I instantly snatched the book from his hands and began flipping through it. The people of Jeti would use the heart as a power source to fuel their vehicles, because the god had added an abundance of magical energy inside of it.

The rest of the book was almost entirely ineligible besides that first page, but when I flipped to the back I saw something that shook me to my core.

It had a little print in the bottom right corner that said “L’eau”.

Judging from what the doctor said and all the clues around me, I could deduce that L’eau had made a country. And despite what the doctor said, she was still alive. Or at least alive recently enough to produce this book.

I hated this. I didn’t want Ame to know about this. Why would L’eau do this to me? The God of Time was so much nicer than her. She didn’t hurt me like this. I didn’t like either of them, though.

Ame looked down at me as I intently stared at the back of the book. Realizing the issue was slightly cleared up, he scratched his head a little.

After the little bit of time I spent with him, I realized I began learning a bit more about conversations. I still was not even close to the level of the average human, but I was confident I knew enough about emotions to make myself and Ame happy. So, when I saw him scratching his head, I was able to deduce that he wanted me to ask about the ninety-seventh commander that he mentioned earlier without him even telling me. So I asked.

“What about the ninety-seventh commander?”

Ame looked at me, slightly confused. Was I wrong about his intentions?

“Why are you grinning?”

I instantly looked away in embarrassment. It seemed I had become too proud of being able to tell what Ame was thinking.

“N-nothing.”

His facial expression returned to normal as he started explaining.

“I was born in L’eau. I was a prodigy with water magic, and rose through the ranks in every class. Besides history. I hope that teacher is dead.”

Ame looked down, seemingly absorbed in his own thoughts before bringing himself back to reality.

“My father was called Kozui Nishimura. I don’t remember a single word he spoke to me. I couldn’t remember if he was kind or not. But I fucking hated him. He lived with my mother, my sister, my brother and I. He and my mother weren’t on great terms. But, there is a law in L’eau that bans divorcing a partner. It gets you life in prison. On the other hand, murder only forces you to serve in the army. So, knocking out two birds with one stone, he slammed a chair into my mothers head and killed her.”

…

“That was the first time that I had ever felt like a spectator. I’ve always believed watching somebody else's pain is the greatest sin somebody can commit. He and I both are guilty of that.”

He paused for a moment, took a deep breath and continued.

“He was sent to work in the L’eau army and grew to become the 2nd in command. Thankfully, he’s dead too. I had to live with him for a couple of years until the banquet was held. Prodigies from all across the world went to the banquet. My dad told me that I was a horrible person for not inviting him. I ended up caving and inviting him. I wanted to sit at a different table, but he forced me to sit at his table. The Jeti army was mad at L’eau for not allowing them access to Barye for 30 years, so they attacked the banquet. My father defeated the 5th commander, only for the 97th to fire 6 bullets of wind at his head. 5 of them missed, but the 6th one killed him instantly. I stared at his body. His death was confirmed in my mind. I was not sad. I don’t think I was. This was a freedom that I couldn’t have attained myself. My siblings dragged me away from the banquet, but by that point, I wasn’t in the same reality as them.”

I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have to live with that man for 2 years. He had to have survived that somehow.

I tried to cheer him up. Insulting the man responsible was sure to do that.

“His aim sucked. It shouldn’t have taken 6 shots.”

Ame giggled.

“Right? I could’ve done better.”

His demeanor quickly shifted back to how it was before. He smiled and stood up.

“Alright. Follow me.”

I began to follow him for a good thirty minutes. Around five minutes in, I had already finished eating my food and took a string of what Ame was eating. I instantly spat it out in disgust as Ame looked at me and laughed.

“What was that?”

“Pasta.”

I had decided that I would never eat pasta again… until ten minutes later when I got hungry and tried to eat it. The outcome did not change however.

After spitting out the pasta, I looked over Ame’s shoulder and saw a large mountain with sharp rocks surrounding it in almost every direction. I could barely see past the rocks, but it looked much brighter. The air was much cleaner than everywhere else in the city. The grass was much greener as well. Every breath I took, I felt my lungs getting clearer and clearer. Ame turned to me and spoke.

“This is the border. It’s between Baum and Jeti. Military and police members never come here so they don’t cause any complications with Baum. It’s the perfect training spot.”

Without a word, I began to follow Ame up the mountain. On the way up, he began to explain everything he knew about the basics of magic to me. I knew a lot of it already, but I still listened.

“I’ll teach you water magic, but magical affinities are determined by genetics. I’m not sure if you can use them. Most people only have 1 element out of water, fire, lightning, wind, earth, and life. Kings usually have 2 elements. Every country has a signature element because people wanted to divide themselves for some reason.”

After arriving at the top, he pulled me up and told me to hold out my hand, so I did.

“To learn any water magic techniques, you need to learn the basics first. So, we’ll start off with a normal water ball. I like to throw these at random people because they don’t cause any damage, unless you want them to, of course.”

That sounded quite rude, but enjoyable. I needed to learn water magic before doing that, though. While holding out my hand, Ame began to instruct me.

“So, you gotta like, imagine the water.”

With this lengthy description on how to visualize the water, I closed my eyes and tried my best.

…

Water flowed forward at the beach, obliterating any structures built up previously. People worked hard on those sand structures, but the waves came anyway. And there was nothing they could do. The marks of those sand structures would get swept away, never to exist again. Just like the effects people would have. How would somebody stop those effects from being swept away?

“Hey, you listening? I said to imagine the woosh.”

“What are you talking about?”

I soon discovered that I couldn’t get taught by Ame. It wasn’t Ame’s lack of teaching skill, but more of my lack of understanding. He saw this, and pulled out a book and placed it down.

“How do you afford all the clothes and books?”

Ame grinned proudly.

“I worked as a magic tutor for kids in L’eau before I moved. I just saved up all my money.”

“Huh?!”

“Don't ‘huh’ me! I was a prodigy, you know.”

I felt horrible for his students.

…

I put my hand back out and tried to use the water magic. I pushed all of my energy through my arms, an-

“Don’t look at him.”

A voice shot through my head as I collapsed onto the ground.

Ame, standing above me, simply stared down at me in disappointment.

No. I didn’t like this. I was a divine creation, and Ame was practically divine. I looked up to him, but he shouldn’t be looking down on me.