Epilogue: Harumi

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Epilogue: Harumi

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"Happy thirty-eighth birthday, Harumi," I say to an empty house as I sit back on my lonely couch, drink my way to the bottom of my ten trillionth bottle, pop what I always pray will be my final pill and fall into a drug induced sleep...just so I can see your face in my dreams, Mom. Dreaming. Dreaming. Ah, there you are. "Someone sees you. Someone loves you. Don't give up." You say these words and as I raise up and open my eyes a bit, I can almost see your face at the bottom of my booze. But then I remember I'm just dreaming.

I'm always dreaming of the day I'll break free from this hellish mindset and find my way forward, far away from the ones I love. Far away from the woman who abandoned me so long ago. From the man whose heart died long before his body did. From my sweet grandma that tried so hard to fill the void before leaving a new one. But deep down I know that happy endings only exist in our fantasies. And I'll never be able to stop missing my father, mourning my grandmother and loving my mother in spite of my pain. Not knowing what happened to Casterline will haunt me forever. My love for her is a prison with no bars, but I don't want to leave. I want my mom to return. I want her to fix me and hug me and tell me that she will never...let me go.