Woman of Letters

I swallow the lump of fear and frustration building in my throat.

"Alright then, let’s not get bogged down by one little hiccup! How about Written Magic next?" The moment for concern has passed, and Clovis’s boundless, scholarly enthusiasm has encompassed the room once again.

The thought of channeling any more energy out of my body, nurses the sour feeling in my stomach into full-blown nausea. 

I want to say no. I want to curl up and wait for this feeling to pass.

But I see a fervent, hopeful spark in Clovis’s eyes, and I remember my promise to myself. 

I need to be here to prove to myself I can be brave. Cutting my first lesson short is not something I want to fail myself on. 

"Okay." I agree, and force myself to sit up straighter, hoping the posture will somehow fool my own body into feeling better. "Let’s do it."

Clovis hastily retrieves 2 small pieces of slate and a piece of what looks like chalk from a cluttered shelf, seemingly oblivious to my ongoing internal struggles.

"Written Magic is all about structure." she begins, her voice once again taking on the cadence of a passionate lecturer. "You need to bind words together with specific symbols and ensure the object you apply them to is compatible with what you’re writing."

She draws a simple circle on the slate. "This is a conduit circle, they prevent written spells from bleeding out or becoming unstable. I am using slate because it works really well with light spells." 

The chalk moves along the slate as if it were an additional digit to her hand.

“Wh-What happens if you don’t use a conduit circle?” I ask in an attempt to try and stay engaged despite my nausea.

“Brilliant question, Shikara! Without a conduit circle, the spell can do unpredictable things depending on the kind of magic involved. Some might just expend the fuel source until it's empty, but some could have more dangerous reactions. It’s good practice when experimenting to always use a conduit circle.” Clovis seems authentic in her praise and it briefly makes me feel a little better. 

Inside the circle, she draws a symbol. A hexagon with three rays extending from the top. 

"This is the concept rune for light." she explains, tapping the symbol with the chalk. "It doesn’t create light on its own. It’s just the idea of light. When you combine the concept rune with a word like ‘glow’, you are telling the concept rune how to behave, this is called a parameter."

She hands the slate and chalk to me. My palms feel slick with a cold sweat.

"You try." she says, her voice bright with encouragement. 

My hand is trembling slightly as I lift the chalk. I draw the circle first, it’s wobbly and uneven and manage to finish the symbol.

An ebb of dizziness washes over me. I take a slow, deep breath, fighting the urge to gag.

"Ok it’s a little spindly but that should be fine." Clovis still doesn’t seem to be catching on to how anxious I am feeling right now. 

"Now I’ll show you how to activate it. First you need to be in direct contact with any part of the material or conduit circle. Then you have to picture the spell you have written in your head and think about the order you wish for it to act in. Then you just need to channel your will into it, similar to what you did with visualisation magic. I’ll show you what I mean and then you can try it for yourself if you’re feeling up for it?" Despite the long explanation it seems like Clovis is somewhat aware of how I am feeling. 

That’s a healer’s intuition I guess. 

"Yeah that sounds good." I reply rather nonchalantly but on the inside I know I really don’t want to. 

Clovis pushes her palm flat against the slate and the white chalk lines begin to shimmer with a soft, blue light. 

Then a small ball of phosphorescence emerges as she pulls her hand away.

My vision tunnels as the white light takes control of my eyelids. The edges of the cottage blur. I am acutely aware of the saliva building in my mouth, a tell-tale sign of what’s to come.

I set my slate down very carefully as a precaution.

If I open my mouth, I’m afraid of what might come out.