Time (2)

“For Mister Primot’s sake, I’ll repeat what the three of us agreed on yesterday.”

It felt like I was being held together by a ridiculously thin piece of string.

At the head of the table, Maelle was rambling away, as she usually did, on my left was Annabelle, staring into her thighs, and opposite me was Soren listening attentively to his retainer. I tried my best to let the princess’s voice drown out my thoughts. As long as I disregarded what she was saying and put aside the fact she was fourteen, her voice still had that regal, trance-like property to it, and I found it just distracting enough to stop me from begging Annabelle to tell me where it all went wrong.

I don’t understand.

Where is my payoff?

What’s the point of this…?

“The situation is as follows: we are currently stranded somewhere in the Argent Glades, closer to the southern side. It is not far from Silvercross at all, perhaps a day’s journey at most, but getting to Highcrest from this point would require scaling the hillside to regain the main road—without backtracking towards the city, it’s impossible. In addition, this clearing we’re in provides natural visibility against monsters and a flat area to camp on, so given Mister Primot’s fatigue yesterday and the bad weather, Anna suggested for us to rest for a night while we gathered information.“

I put in all that effort, went through all of that realisation… just for this to happen again?

Is this some kind of sick joke?

If this is what I get for trying… I shouldn’t have tried at all.

“Now, the time to reassess the situation has come. Unfortunately, my investigation on the cultist and Soren’s interrogations have not turned up anything significant. That being the case, I can only repeat what we already know: that their target was myself, and that they had tailed our carriage from Silvercross. There shouldn’t be any more pursuers. That might sound like a good thing, but given one of the mercenaries died, it makes the situation of getting to Highcrest trickier for you two since I can’t just send the two of you back to get a new stagecoach.”

Maelle paused dramatically before continuing.

“I’ve already told Anna as such, and I’ve hinted about it to Mister Primot—so I might as well say it in no uncertain terms—but I don’t have any interest in getting to Highcrest. Getting onto the carriage was my main goal because my premonition told me it was necessary. Now that I’ve achieved that, I’m happy to stay put in this clearing for the time being while I wait for my next vision—especially considering the Cult’s involvement. What I’m more concerned with in the immediate term is the two of you. Given that… well, more assassins or kidnappers will likely come for me, I’m partial to sending the two of you away—northwards to Lionsdock. There’s another road there that leads to Highcrest, and it’d be significantly safer than staying put here with us. What do you two think?”

I looked at Annabelle. Her eyes hadn’t moved from the ground ever since this conversation started, and her fingers were aimlessly tapping around.

Whatever then.

If she had no opinion, then I didn’t either. After all, I genuinely had zero clue as to what my purpose here was. I thought casting a spell would change everything, but it didn’t. I was still just a weird guy benefitting from a vague, misguided prophecy.

Fuck this.

Fuck all of this.

I never asked to be here anyway.

I looked back at Maelle as if to say sure, whatever you’d like, and she nodded to acknowledge.

It was funny—we were holding a “meeting” just to be told to go away. The decision was already being made for us. She might as well have told Soren to jet us somewhere. I mean, I knew that she was probably trying to conduct this in good faith, but her authoritative tone and her eagerness to send us away was tinting what could otherwise have been a touching “this is where we part ways” moment.

It tangentially reminded me of something.

Boarding school is for your own good.

I know best.

This is so you will amount to something.

I hated people like that.

“If I may.”

“Of course. Go ahead, Soren,” Maelle replied.

He stood up.

I blinked.

No matter how many times I’d seen this man, it still felt wrong to see someone with such a gigantic frame move in such precise, careful motion.

To be honest, I didn’t know why I was surprised. Maybe it was because I thought Soren and Maelle would have already discussed what they wanted to say beforehand. The cynic in me wanted to say Soren was about to just be a mouthpiece for his princess, blindly seconding her opinions, but something about his expression was off. He would not have been a good actor, in any case—

He bows.

“Your Grace. Sending him off would be a mistake.”

“...”

Maelle folded her arms.

“I can protect him. Let him train here with me until your next plan is finalised. Until then, take him on as an attendant. Or at the very least, offer him the opportunity to join our entourage permanently.”

“Soren, do you even understand what you’re—”

He turned to me.

“This is outrageous of me to even suggest, but I would like to offer you my services as a mentor. Watching your magic brought me a great deal of joy. After witnessing yesterday, I have no doubt in my mind the princess was put on your path for a reason—so that both of you may liberate Calice from its corruption. I will teach you everything I know.”

He knelt before me.

“In return, I humbly request that you join forces with Her Grace, Quantum.”

Maiden of Revolution.

Exile.

Return of the—

This had to be some fucking cruel joke.

I realised I didn’t care. I looked at Annabelle.

She was shuffling around awkwardly, obviously bothered by something—I couldn’t tell if it was how she was getting completely ignored in this entire process, Soren’s sudden adoration towards me, or something else entirely.

Maybe I’d been wrong this entire time.

Soren did see me differently. He just picked his time to reveal it more opportunistically, unlike someone else.

Maelle was probably just pretending to be normal, too, biding her time before she’d eventually lump a request onto me.

“…”

But it didn’t feel good.

I felt paranoid.

Suspicious. Like this was all a set up. Like I was showing my friend something I’d written, and on the surface they lauded me with praise—but deep down they knew it was hopelessly amateur and everyone colluded behind my back to gossip. I wanted to go back into my room, back when Soren was just some fictional Gary Stu I could ignore, where Annabelle didn’t exist and I didn’t have to understand why she suddenly hated me again. Where I was playing a card game that I liked because it was fun and not because I had been hallucinating a woman and a truck in my six year long moment of weakness.

You’re from Todai? You must be really smart.

You’re the vice-captain? You must be insane at soccer.

Why couldn’t these people just trust their eyes? If it looked and smelled like shit, then it was probably shit. All of these expectations? These cryptic prophecies?

I’m no hero.

I’m not even a good person.

I’m just a loser who was supposed to be dead eons ago.

If they couldn’t see this, then I would force them to accept it.

“...What about Annabelle?”

Soren briefly considered my question. “If she’s important to you, then I will beseech my princess to take her as well.”

“I appreciate you praising me this thoroughly, but look. Annabelle is not some kind of pet that I keep around for fun, you know? And I think your impression of our relationship is wrong. She’s only sticking around because she needs a better explanation than just returning to her sect suspiciously alone and empty-handed, let’s be real.”

“...”

“Mister Primot,” Maelle said, sternly. “She’s right there.”

“Well, if she wants to disagree, maybe she should speak up and say something.”

I ignored the princess’s bluster and looked at the other liar.

“Anyway, even if you wanted to take her along, how would you pay her? I don’t need anything, of course—I’m just happy to be strung along. But her? She’s expensive, you know. Probably. Templars get paid, right? Well, I mean I wouldn’t know—because I’m completely ignorant, even though you guys keep insisting otherwise—but I’m assuming she would require a salary. It’s unethical to keep slaves, you know.”

Annabelle winced at the mention of that word. Maelle’s expression hardened.

I didn’t care.

Meanwhile, Soren, on the other hand—he was actually considering my question. “...In that case, you have my word that I will sell Galebrand when the time is right. The sum of that auction itself will be more than enough to pay for the lifetime earnings of two Justicars, let alone the salary of attendants.”

I wanted to laugh.

Sell your sword?

The artifact that you’re supposed to protect the princess with? Give up on your duty just because you’re desperate to recruit a fucking bum? What kind of critical thinking is this?

This is why deep down, Maelle doesn’t respect you, right? Why she treats you like a slave and not a mentor?

Good.

She should keep it that way.

“That’s really cute, my guy. But consider that Annabelle of Friesland—”

“...It’s fine,” an unexpected voice cut in.

Time seemed to stop.

If it were raining, then surely, the drops of water around us would have looked as hard as beads of glass.

“Anna?” Maelle’s expression softened. “Are you alright? Don’t get upset. He doesn’t mean what he’s saying, okay? He probably just thinks that, since you’re—”

“...I’ll just go home myself.”

The meeting fell into an awkward silence.

Breathing for everyone became more difficult, like the air was dense with tension—and the rays of sun that usually illuminated Annabelle were now passing through her entirely like a transparent object.

I smiled.

I outplayed them.

The Primot God always wins.

“...And if that’s all… Um, just let me know what the agreement is later.”

She stood up and walked towards somewhere or other.

Soren was next to stand. Me too. But we were both soldered to the ground like melted statues. I had half a thought to chase after her, but without having any understanding of what was going on—I felt like running after her now would only lead to more misunderstandings.

Yeah, let’s go with that.

After all, if not for her stupid meddling when I arrived here… none of this would even have been a consideration.

I never truly cared about you, Annabelle. You were just a pawn for me to seek entertainment with.

“You… bloody… fool…!”

Maelle jumped and attempted to slap Soren.

Maybe “attempt” was a bit of a stretch, because despite her best efforts, it was nothing like a slap at all. The height difference and her relative unathleticism meant that the best she could manage were just feeble scrapes against his shoulderplates, but this didn’t stop the tiny redhead from repeating the motion over and over.

“What kind… of inane discussion… was that?!”

“Your Grace, calm down.”

“You’re… so thoughtless!”

“‘Thoughtless’? Your Grace, surely you are aware that I have no warrant to teach such a talented cleric like Anna. Her talents in conjuration already far exceed that of mine. It would be dishonourable to even entertain the idea of that, whereas Sir—”

“And she’s supposed to know that?! Are you serious?”

“Your Grace, calm down. I will explain it to her later. Anna is logical, she will surely—”

“I don’t care! Shut up!”

I found it amazing that her hood could stay in place through all of that jumping. Magic.

My brief respite turned into a bother once she turned to me, though.

“And you!”

She stomped towards me, her eyes glowing.

“Yeah? What do you—”

My face exploded.

There was a crack in my ear, like somebody fired a gun.

Oh.

So this is how it’s gonna go down.

“You are a bloody… fucking… imbecile!”

“...”

“What the hell are you doing? What the hell do you think you’re doing?! Are you an idiot? Are you trying to pretend that you’re an idiot?! Because you’re clearly not! I can tell you understand what’s going on! So why do you keep pretending to be like this? What is wrong with you? You think people have the right to throw tantrums every single time they face a setback? Are you a child? Why can’t you just suck things up like a normal person?!”

“...”

“Answer me, Watanabe!”

“...”

Wata… nabe?

“Do you think Soren never worked a day in his life for his powers or something? Do you think I’m some stupid child who doesn’t know anything? Everyone has to work hard! It isn’t just you! I feel so sorry for whoever thought it’d be a good idea to summon you here! You were meant to be their hero, but you’re just a pathetic, sore loser! I despise you. You’re the type of person who pretends things don’t mean much to you when they go wrong, but take credit when it’s right! Aren’t I correct? That’s who you are, aren’t you?! If you want to follow her, why can’t you just admit it? If you care about her, why can’t you just say it?! You’re lucky that everyone’s so impressed by this stupendous luck of yours, because I would never bother saving someone as repulsive as you from killing themselves! Not in a million years!”

“Tsk.”

“Is that it?! Is that all you have to say for yourself?!”

She screamed. She was screaming at me. She’s screaming at me.

But it isn’t fair.

“You seriously think… I wanted any of this?” I asked her.

She froze.

“You think I asked to be in that seat? You think I asked for people to take pity on me? What if I fucking prayed for forgiveness every single night wishing someone more useful than me was chosen?”

My gauntlet crackled.

“Do you think god consulted me before he decided to saddle me with 253 people’s hopes and dreams? Huh?!”

Red.

“‘Luck’? Do you understand how bad a of a fucking joke that is? How about I give you a quick lesson on who I am, you retard? Maybe if I burn off that idiotic face of yours just like they did to my father, then you’ll stop being so arrogant, you stupid fucking—”

Pain.

Real pain.

Not the hurt of a bruised ego.

Not the hurt of damaged feelings.

Before I knew it, I was on the ground—everything happened so fast. One moment, Maelle was in front of me. The next, iron filled all my senses, my taste, my sight. I couldn’t see anything except a blur. Couldn’t hear anything except the sound of my body crunching against the grass.

“Calm down.”

When I could finally see again, my back was pinned against the cool embrace of mud. Soren had his sword positioned directly over my neck—this close, I could see the glisten of runes etched onto its surface, and how powerful he was.

But I did not feel fear. The only thought that coursed through my veins was that I was cold, and that maybe he should just press down and end it all.

“Maelle, you too.”

“...”

He looked me straight in the eye—then, arbitrarily—or perhaps just satisfied with what he saw, he let his sword fade into dust as his gauntlet glowed.

I didn’t understand.

I was still the same.

She was right—is right. He should kill me. Should have killed me. I didn’t want this, and neither did I deserve it. I would never, ever grow to deserve it.

So why?

What was once his sword hand then turned into an open palm facing sideways. Begrudgingly, I took it and stood myself up.

“Don’t misunderstand me. I’m just doing what’s best for Her Grace.”

“Tsk.”

“But I will say this—stop focusing so hard on the idea of being ‘worthy’. It’s a complete waste of time. Think about the people who’ve chosen to stay by your side despite all of your flaws.”

“...”

“Not the people that were taken away from you forcefully—the ones you’re willfully giving up by being like this.”

A navy blue magical circle appeared around Soren’s hand—and then, grasping into it, was the outline of a cape.

I did not understand what it was, nor what it represented. It had no marking or symbols, no pattern, and it became even more impossible to decipher as it collapsed around his arm like a cover. All I knew was that it was something precious to him; something important. He looked at it with a melancholic pride, the same way Aunt Sumire used to stare at her wedding band.

“If Anna is important to you, then give this to her.”

“...What?”

“She’ll understand what it is. Now go.”

The man shoved it into my hands.

Perhaps that action itself was enough to sober me. As I peered around the armour of the Paladin, I noticed a girl in a hood staring into the horizon. It might have been my adrenaline that blurred everything together, but I swear I saw tears forming in her eyes.

Coherent thought suddenly returned to me.

What the hell am I doing? She’s just a kid.

A kid who’s been sentenced to death, doomed to spend the rest of her life running from assassins.

Screaming at children…? Chasing everyone away…? Is this really who I am?

“Uh, I’m sor—”

Soren put his gauntlet on my shoulder. Then he shook his head.

“My retainer is not the person you should be thinking of now. There’s somebody more important out there you need to apologise to.”

I grasped the cape in my hands, then I nodded.

“...Yeah, you’re right.”

“Be honest with how you feel,” he said. “I can tell you still don’t know what it means to lose someone you truly loved. They don’t come back.”