So near, so far, so in-between

I’m lying on the ground. My torso aches as if I’d fallen from a great height. A sharp pain runs along my back, from my right shoulder down to my left side. My vision blurs. My body won’t respond.

I hear distant echoes. Thuds. Screeches. “That thing… it’s not hurting me anymore.” I try to shift my gaze behind me. The white blot I saw in the sky is here now, fighting the tentacled monster.

My eyes struggle to stay open. My vision is a mess of colors and shapes blending together, but I can barely make out the white blur: it’s a dragon-like being. A cold sweat drenches me. The dark creature lunges at the dragon, striking its snout and wounding it. Its blood splatters across my face. The winged reptile grabs a tentacle and rips it clean off. The monster thrashes violently, letting out a shrill scream that makes me grit my teeth. But it doesn’t give up. The white dragon counters with a powerful tail strike, slamming the creature against a tree with such force that the ground trembles.

The last shred of lucidity fades. Darkness swallows my sight. My eyelids close. I feel nothing. See nothing. “Laila…”

°°°

My body feels wet, yet all the pain is gone. I hear a faint crackling in the distance.

«He’s waking up, finally.» A male voice echoes faintly.

I open my eyes, but everything is still a blur of shadows. Shapes flicker faintly under dim light. “I’m not in the forest anymore… Where am I? Ah, right, inside the wagon.”

I feel weight on my shoulders, a hand pressing me down. «Stay down.» “I’d recognize that annoyed tone anywhere.”

«Nadia… and Laila?» I ask in a weak voice.

«The kid’s cooking. Your friend…» The merchant gestures with his head.

I turn, and there she is. Sitting in a corner, on the wagon’s edge, knees pulled to her chest, staring at the fire. I can’t read her expression; it’s the same as when I last saw her. “She’s not herself. Still angry. Understandably so… I almost died in a place where no one would’ve found the arrow to free her. I can’t seem to get anything right.”

The merchant stands and steps to the edge of the wagon, his silhouette outlined against the firelight. «I’ll leave you two alone,» he says, hopping down with his hands in his pockets.

Laila rises, slowly walking over before sitting beside me. Her glowing eyes meet mine, but I can’t hold her gaze. I look back at the cloth covering the wagon.

“I have to move. This is the best moment to apologize… No, every moment was the best one. I just kept hesitating.” «I-I’m sorry, Laila. I shouldn’t have yelled at you to shut up. I-I don’t know what came over me… You have every reason to hate me, to never talk to me again… But if you don’t want to talk to me, fine, I get it, I deserve it. Just… please, talk again. I can’t stand seeing you in silence.»

She extends her hand, palm up, shifting me from lying down to sitting. My head turns toward her. She’s staring straight into my eyes, smiling sweetly. A fist, a flash of violet, and I’m back flat on the floor.

«You bastard!» she shouts, pouting as she rubs her right bracelet. «Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass it was not being able to talk for two whole days?!»

«W-what?» I stammer, rubbing my cheek. «You could’ve spoken whenever you wanted.»

«No, you idiot!» She yanks me up by the collar and shoves the bracelet in my face. «See this? DO YOU SEE IT?!» she yells, giving me a rough shake.

«Y-yes,» “What’s with her? Isn’t she overreacting a little?”

«And do you know what the fuck it is?!»

«I-it’s your bracelet, you’ve got three more like it.»

«Exactly! Except they’re not bracelets!» She lets me drop to the floor.

«What?» I mutter, confused.

«These are fucking chains keeping me prisoner, and guess what! If I break the rules or disobey an order, they punish me.»

«W-what do you mean? I-I never gave you an order,» I protest, scrambling to my feet.

«Yes, you did! When you told me to shut up, clear as day!»

«But I didn’t order you to.»

«Are you stupid?!» she snaps, face just inches from mine. She freezes for a moment, staring deep into my eyes. Then she steps back, curling her nose, scrutinizing me from head to toe. «Of course you are. You’re human, after all. To give an order, you don’t have to say ‘I order you blah blah.’ It’s all about the filthy intent behind it.»

«I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,» I mumble, lowering my gaze, wishing I could sink my head into my neck and disappear.

«It’s always like this with you!» she barks, poking her finger at my forehead again and again. «You never want to do anything until after it’s done. And the problem is you hide behind this thick mask of humble, innocent fawn, too blind to see you’re just a selfish asshole like everyone else… Hurry up and grant the remaining wishes so I won’t have to see you again.» She ends the conversation by heading to the fire with the others.

I sit there for a while, watching her from the shadows of the wagon. “I’m just a monster… Maybe she’d be freer sealed inside that arrow than with someone like me… How did she endure being stuck with such a weakling? And yet, even after all this, she’s over there, laughing with Nadia and the Merchant. I admire her so much. I’ve missed that sly grin of hers. And me? I’m here, wallowing, smothered by the heavy atmosphere I can’t shake off. I want to go too, but I’m afraid I’ll drag this tension with me and ruin their moment.” I curl up on the floor in a fetal position. “She’s been suffering, and I was too blind to see it… So it’s because of those bracelets that she clutched her arm after punching me. And that other night, when she said she had to condition me to make me faint, she looked at them too… She’s been suffering all this time, because of me.”

°°°

The merchant climbs into the wagon and sits heavily in the opposite corner, sighing. He pulls out his pipe, stuffs it with herbs, lights it, and takes a puff. He exhales with a weary groan. «Uuuuhhh, how’s the new leg?»

“What’s he talking about? My leg was severed…” Yet, hugging my knees, I don’t feel like one’s missing. I stretch out my left leg, rotate my ankle, open and close my toes. “How’s that possible? I didn’t imagine it… a chunk of jeans is missing, and the edge is stained with dried blood.” «Ah… I didn’t notice…»

«Sharp eye you’ve got. Is this about the fight?»

«You heard us?»

«Hard not to.»

I curl up tighter. «Sorry.»

«Good thing you are,» he replies, puffing smoke. “I really am a failure. Nadia must’ve heard too… What must she think now?” «You shouldn’t make a woman worry like that.»

His words jolt me upright, eyes wide. “What?! What does he mean?” He gives me a slow glance. «Judging by your face, I’ll have to explain, won’t I?»

I don’t reply, just shake my head furiously. “YES! PLEASE!”

«Uuuuh, thought so.» He takes another drag, staring ahead before continuing. «I was minding my own business on my branch. Then suddenly, I see Laila bolting like a Zelena Usta toward the spring. I didn’t see her again until hours later, when the moon rose and I was fixing the wagon. She came staggering, rivers of tears streaming down her face, carrying you—bloodied and mutilated—in her arms. The moment our eyes met, she collapsed to her knees. When she begged me to heal you, the markings on her bracelets lit up. Luckily, you already had some first aid on you. I did what I could with what little I know.»

I stare at the wagon floor, searching for answers. «I-I don’t get it… why did she do that? Why would she put herself through that?» I look up at him.

Without looking at me, without another word, the merchant waves off my question and walks back to the fire, one hand in his pocket.