Maybe I just wanna be yours

I can’t get out of my head what the merchant told me. “Laila cried for me? Then why did she punch me and insult me? Couldn’t she just accept my apology and end it there?” I feel my temples throbbing. “Aaaahh, I don’t understand anything anymore!” I shift my gaze to my leg. “At least this I have to figure out. It’s strange, it doesn’t seem like anything has changed, it’s the same leg I’ve always had: there’s even the small mole on the top of my foot and the other one on my big toe.”

I get up and go to the merchant, who is standing with one hand in his pocket, his pipe in his mouth, watching Nadia brush Mbud’s fur. I approach, stopping to pat the girl’s head; she looks back at me with a pout, her cheeks red. I kneel down to her level. «Nadia, could I kindly ask you for a moment with him? If you do me this little favor, afterward I’ll go with you to gather supplies.» She shapes one of those rabbits in her arms, holding it like a stuffed toy, and nods while keeping her eyes down before walking away.

«I didn’t know she could make zajitak.»

“Ah, so that’s what those winged rabbits are called.” «She can also change their form. In fact, the first time we met, she summoned a huge beast with four wings and a long tail.»

He looks at me, taking a drag from his pipe and shooting me a sharp glare. «That ‘beast,’» he stresses the word, «is called a gwiber owl, and you better hope you never meet it.»

“He’s way too edgy, I can’t tell if he’s warning me or threatening me… Probably both.” «Riiight… Oh, that’s it! I came here to ask how you managed to make my leg grow back.»

He inhales from his pipe. «How should I know? It just reappeared, just like the wound on your back disappeared.»

«What?» I run a hand along my back, feeling the hoodie and shirt torn. “Oh crap. These are the only clothes I have… Could it have been Laila’s doing? No, impossible, otherwise she would have brought me back to the wagon already healed. I wonder if it has something to do with the dragon’s blood?”

«Where did you get those wounds?» he asks, pointing with his pipe.

«Well, uh, I… went to the spring,» I reply, trying to look elsewhere to avoid seeing his reaction.

«In the daytime?»

«D-during the daytime.» Without another word, the merchant walks off in a rather hurried stride. “I hope I didn’t screw something up.”

I return to Nadia, leaning against a tree while she watches two zajitak she has created. «Here I am, sorry for the wait. Shall we go?»

She grumbles, “Mh,” without looking at me, and we head into the forest. A sound of pounding footsteps grows stronger. We see the merchant racing past us on Mbud, with Laila floating at his side as the three of them rush deeper into the woods.

«Listen, if we’re going to do this jolly cooperation, you really should pull out that stick you’ve always got up your ass,» he growls. «I’m saying it for your sake—it must really hurt.»

“How I wish I could have that kind of relationship with Laila again…” My eyes lock on him, my hands clench, and my jaw tightens so hard it makes my temples ache. “It’s not fair that she’s having so much fun with him now. That used to be our thing.”

Something grips my hand, dragging me back to reality. I look down to see the little one watching me. “Is she worried about me? I mustn’t burden her with useless worries, or I’ll lose her before I even build a bond.”

I try to smile to reassure her. She seems to return it, but her smile is… a little strange. «You should practice smiling more, because right now it looks like you’re about to sneeze and burp at the same time.»

She points at me with her other hand, frowning. «What? Did I smile weird too?» She nods.

A chuckle escapes me, and now her smile seems more natural, even cheerful. «Maybe we should get moving, otherwise the fruit will run away.»

She sighs and starts pulling me forward with both hands, hurriedly, as if what I said could actually be true. «Easy, easy. Ahah!» I watch her for a moment. “It’s incredible that she managed to make me feel better with so little… Maybe I should learn a bit more from her, I can’t rely on her forever.” «Nadia.»

«Mh?»

«Can you teach me how to tell which fruits and mushrooms are edible and which are poisonous? Ah! And maybe also teach me a few tricks for hunting.» Her eyes widen, and she turns her face away so I can’t see it: she nods.

°°°

After more than an hour, Laila and the merchant finally returned to camp. «Grab your things, we’re leaving!» the merchant barked hurriedly.

«Why?» I asked.

«No time, get moving!» Laila exclaimed. But I froze, staring at her while she obeyed him. “Why is she using that tone with me? I-I don’t understand. Does she hate me? Does she really hate me that much?” The cart set off at full speed with everyone aboard—except me. I just couldn’t move.

Something rose up beneath me—it looked like one of Nadia’s cheverny roh—and I rode swiftly until I caught up with the cart. Since Laila wasn’t clinging to the merchant at the moment, I took the chance to ask a few questions. «What were you two doing in the forest?»

He didn’t even look at me. «Don’t get so worked up.» “What the hell is she talking about? I’m not worked up, it was just a normal question.” «We simply went to see the smert jesera.»

“And I’m supposed to believe that? I don’t even know him, and all he’s done so far is push Laila away from me… Wait a second,” «What’s a mer jera?»

«I said smert jesera.»

«What is it?»

«I’ve already explained it to Laila, ask her,» he replied with a sharp tone. I glanced at the covered cart, then back at Nadia’s familiar. "I don’t know if it’s a good idea to bother her." «Uuuugh,» he sighed in annoyance. «It’s the monster that attacked you.»

I turned to him in shock, and in that moment, he averted his gaze. «How did you manage to return unharmed?»

«They’re creatures of daylight only. Usually, during the night, they hide in bodies of water large enough to contain them… But this one we found was already dead.»

“I wonder if that was the dragon’s doing.” «So those monsters live in corrupted waters?»

«Will you stop asking me questions if I answer this one?»

“He really sounds annoyed, but I need answers—and honestly, he kind of deserves it, sorry.” «I-I can’t promise that.»

«Uuuugh, what a pain. Water doesn’t ‘go bad’. With the rising sun, it simply becomes undrinkable, and at night it turns back to normal. They say that’s why all sea creatures died out.»

«And how did that monster survive extinction?»

«Because it wasn’t born naturally. It was created by the Lord of Ashes to kill anything it heard or saw.»

«But now it’s dead, so what’s the problem?»

«That is the problem. They’re nothing but sentinels, and whatever is strong enough to kill one instantly becomes a threat that must be eliminated.»

“Now I get why we’re leaving so fast… This isn’t just trouble—I’ve doomed us! What have I done… Nadia, I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have followed me, I should’ve insisted harder. Now, because of me, your life is really in danger… It’s just like my world, I’m nothing but a magnet for disasters.” I looked at the merchant. “He, compared to me, knows exactly what he’s doing. No wonder Laila wants to stay close to him, while I’ve only ever thought the worst of him, when all he’s done is help us… What a selfish asshole I am. I don’t even know his name, and I don’t deserve all the help he’s given me.”

°°°

After a few hours, at moonset, we stop and set up camp. Before going hunting with Nadia, I feel the need to go to the merchant. «I owe you an apology.»

He sits massaging his temples. «For what?»

«After all this time, I never bothered to ask you your name again.»

From afar, Laila answers for him. «His name’s Dakarai, and quit bothering him. Don’t you see you’ve given him a migraine, asshole?»

«Sorry…» I mutter softly to the merchant, lowering my head. I turn toward her to thank her, but she ignores me as if I don’t exist. A tightness stabs my chest.

With a hand gesture, Dakarai draws my attention back to him, saying, «No problem. If that’s all, I’ll go back to resting.»

«Actually, there’s one more thing… Do you have swords, shields, bows?»

«I do, but they’re all merchandise, I can’t just give them away. What do you need them for?»

«Oh, never mind then, it’s fine.»

«Answer the question.»

«I’d like to start training in fencing again.»

He studies me intently, then takes his satchel and opens it. «Alright, take what you need, you’ll repay me with extra work.»

«Thank you!» I exclaim, bowing. I reach into the bag and pull out a worn two-handed sword. “Wow! Awesome! How many things could be in here?” I keep going, pulling out a one-handed sword, a shield, a dagger, a knife, a belt with weapon sheaths and pouches, a quiver with arrows, a bow, and finally a sailor’s needle with thick thread.

«You really didn’t hold back.»

«Yeah, sorry.» “He’s glaring at me, I’d better stop taking stuff.” «Thanks again…» “But I can’t neglect the most important thing.” «Oh, there’s one last thing I need.»

«What?» he asks, irritated.

«Do you have textbooks?»

«I do, but those are things you could hardly repay me for with a year and a half of unpaid labor, unlike the things you’ve just taken.»

«Alright then, I’ll give the weapons back, I’ll make do with some branches I find around.» I start putting everything back.

«Why do you prefer books over something that can actually save your life?»

«Because I want to teach Nadia to read and speak.»

Dakarai stares at me with a piercing look. His silence stretches on, heavy. “I wonder if I pushed too far with my selfish attitude.”
Then the corner of his mouth lifts just barely, imperceptibly, almost into a smile. Without a word, he opens the satchel again, slowly pulling out all the tools I had put back. He sets them down with a dull thud. Then, from the bottom of the bag, he pulls out two books: one a textbook, the other on history. «Don’t look so surprised,» he mutters, in his usual dry tone. «After showing off. Take them, and now let me rest.» He finishes by lying down, his arm over his face.