I Also (Almost!) Died Once

"You're a good swimmer," I noticed as we continued our journey.

I was even a little proud of myself for being able to move relatively easily with crutches, though I'd love to get rid of them and wait for the bruises on my arms that had appeared because of their simplicity to disappear. I just didn't have any extra material to wrap them in.

"There are those who are definitely better than me," Renet replied.

This time he stayed closer to me, and I regretted not doing so, because our journey together wasn't supposed to last long, so maybe we subconsciously wanted to enjoy each other's company some more. Unless he'd witnessed me nearly fall so many times that he preferred to keep an eye on me.

"Can't you swim?"

"Theoretically, I can, but I don't want to strain my shoulder because it starts to hurt, even though I wasn't doing very well without it anyway," I shrugged.

"Does that have anything to do with that large scar?" Renet's voice was worried. It had been a few years since I'd gotten it, and it had faded quite a bit, so I was surprised he hadn't noticed at all. I felt my cheeks begin to redden, because that meant he'd also used the lake as an excuse to check me out. I hadn't even noticed; he was good at discreetly observing people. It means I wasn't very good at it, so it was easy for others to locate the objects of my affection.

"Yes, but it was an old scar, from many years ago; there's no point in recalling it."

I forestalled his next question because, in reality, it was, and I still couldn't admit to myself that that moment had been a turning point in my life. It was then that I sank into stagnation, realizing that my great goals and hopes, not only mine but those of others, were over. I sighed heavily, and Renet realized I definitely didn't want to continue the conversation. I guess I'd disappointed him a bit with my lack of trust, but it wasn't that, but my lack of desire to talk about it. Besides, no one was eager to do it; the accident had become a taboo subject for me. Such great talent, yet so senselessly wasted. At least here, no one knew about it, so there would be no pitying glances. And on the other hand, hadn't I aroused it by marching on crutches after I'd injured my ankle before I'd been here for five minutes?

I didn't want to ask where Renet had disappeared to from time to time; we hadn't talked much, so at least we'd covered a considerable distance. Of course, a chat would have been much more pleasant, but I was already in a foul mood from the intrusive memories I didn't want to relive. And my companion seemed to fade and be getting nervous again, because we passed more and more villages and buildings, but they seemed somewhat deserted, as if everyone had disappeared somewhere. I shared this observation aloud.

"Renet, do you think something's wrong?"

He pondered for a moment, and it was clear he was calculating.

"It's possible that people are celebrating today and have gathered in the city on the Great Bridge. I think we're getting there anyway, but I'd rather not spend the night in the city."

"I understand."

Since that's what he wanted, I didn't want to contradict him, although the thought immediately popped into my head: city equals comfort, and that equals the ability to sleep in a normal bed. And I had to give it up. Some time later, we heard lively music, meaning Renet was right and there was indeed some joyful event taking place in the city. I wondered if we'd even show up there if we weren't planning on spending the night and would have to look for a place to camp, because I doubted sleeping near the walls would win us anyone's favor. I looked longingly in that direction, which didn't escape Renet's notice.

"You want to go there, right?"

"But you don't." I smiled. "I don't want you to stress yourself out about being in the city again." "You don't know when you'll have a chance to participate in this event again." Renet was struggling, and I really wasn't going to force him to make such sacrifices.

"Maybe I'll go for a walk alone. What do you think? I'll be back in an hour or two."

"Will you be okay?" He wasn't thrilled, but then again, he clearly didn't feel like someone who could order me around.

"Sure, I guess nothing bad will happen to me. And besides, I could beat someone up with that too." I lifted one crutch, but it didn't cheer him up. Apparently, I wasn't funny enough.

"I'll set up camp over there," he announced, gesturing to his left. "But if that's what you're into, I'll at least walk you to the gate and wait for you there."

"Thanks for being so concerned about me, but really…"

I fell silent; he hadn't seemed like this before, but I probably shouldn't have challenged him. His confidence and commanding demeanor returned for a moment. Perhaps it really was rude of me to reject such an obvious display of concern. I reminded myself not to get my hopes up, though it was getting harder with each of his behaviors. In any case, saying goodbye at the wide-open city gates as the residents were passing next to us, curious, as is often the case with strangers, was terribly awkward.

"Be careful," Renet said, glaring at everyone as if they posed such a real threat to me.

"See you later." I smiled, assuming I could handle it on my own for the moment.

He looked at me with such pain that I began to regret satisfying my curiosity. I tried not to turn around until I stopped feeling his gaze boring into my back. I knew that if I did, I would surely abandon my resolve and return to him with an apologetic smile.

The crowd swept me toward the main square, and it made me glad. I didn't run from Renet. I avoided him, feelings, and remorse. Still, I had a feeling that if I told the truth, he would believe me, but assuming he would simply disappear from my life sooner or later was much easier when feelings came into play.

I found myself in the market square, surrounded by tenement houses. A large bonfire blazed in the center, surrounded by structures made of grain and other natural resources. Wooden kiosks with various foods and drinks were placed around the table. Young people danced to lively music played by a small band playing on a low platform, which was probably meant to serve as a stage. The older crowd sat on the benches next to the massive tables and were discussing, raising toasts, and laughing. The atmosphere was wonderful, and I longed to be a part of it. No one paid me any attention, so I quietly sat on the edge of one of the empty benches and wondered what else was going on and if I'd make it to any more attractions. Several middle-aged men joined me, and one of them placed a full mug of beer in front of me.

"You look like you need it, son," said the man sitting across from me.