Rebirth

“Wow! You've already naturally picked up on some of the slightly more advanced levels!” Elfrida jumped up and down, clapping in delight. “I can’t believe you’re already able to grow flowers from nothing!” Mahannana shrugged noncommittally. “I’d rather be able to make the fruits and vegetables grow. But I haven’t been able to practice...Mr Aqua got some new tomato plants and I killed them all by accident, so he’ll only let me use magic for things like watering them now. He won’t let me play with my powers on them.” “Well, I can fix that! I’ll find some plants for you to practice on during our next lesson!” Mahannana smiled. “Thanks, Elfrida-Chan! That would be a big help.” Elfrida plopped down on the wooden porch. “Let’s take a little break.” She patted the spot next to her.

Mahannana obliged her and sat down, even though she wanted to keep going. “You’re a hard worker, Ma-Chan, but you need to pace yourself.” Elfrida scolded her gently. “Even if you think you feel fine, it’s a bad idea to wear yourself out on this sort of minor magic. I know I said magecraft isn’t like a muscle, but you can still burn yourself out or hurt yourself if you drain too much mana at once and it’s easier to do when you’re a beginner. And if you establish a pattern of overdoing it early on, then you’ll drain yourself quicker when you move on to doing more advanced things. Don't get yourself into bad habits.”

“Sorry.” Mahannana apologized instinctively. “I just...love doing magic. And I want to be good at it. I enjoy training. I never liked school back at home, but I do like studying with you. You’re a nice teacher, and you make it easy for me to understand things. You don’t call me names if I ask you to explain something again.” “You don’t need to apologize” Elfrida reassured her. “But you do need to work smarter, not harder.” Mahannana nodded and the two sat looking at the stars in silence for a few moments.

“I just want to help Mr Aqua” Mahannana admitted quietly.  I can help him with his gardening and the business but if I could use my magic to increase plant production, he’d be able to make more money, right? It would make up for him having to spend money taking care of us. He lets us keep the tips we make on deliveries and sometimes pays us out of the bigger delivery orders, too!” 

‘I’m still not entirely sure what our plan is. I’m sure mama wants us to get jobs of our own but...I still want to help Mr Aqua. And even if we’re technically just helping him out, we still make some money off of it. I wonder if I could save up for...’ Mahanna shook her head at herself, lost in her thoughts. ‘No, that’s too ambitious to think about. Especially right now. It will be years until I have enough money for that, I don’t have the healing skills yet, and I know mama probably wouldn’t go along with it. She’d think I was crazy, wanting to do that when I’m still a child, no matter what world I’m in...’

Elfrida watched Mahannana’s facial expressions change rapidly as she shook her head and muttered to herself, having suddenly abandoned their conversation. “Are you alright, Ma-Chan?” “Oh?” Mahannana looked at her teacher in surprise, not realizing that her internal discourse was so outwardly apparent. “I was just thinking about...” Mahannana hesitated. ‘Should I really tell Elfrida-Chan? She’s definitely going to think it’s a crazy idea!'

“...I have an idea for a business I want to start. Someday! Not right now!” She promised frantically. “It’s just...I have an idea of something I’d like to do but as I am now...” She clasped her hands tightly in her lap. “I’m only a kid and, as much as I love this world and finally feel like I’m not out of place or just existing aimlessly, I’m nowhere near being an expert! But...there is something I really want to do someday. I don’t care about making money. I just...the service I’d be providing is something I want to do. I’d be fine not getting paid, but it makes more sense to make it a business.” She turned and smiled apologetically at her teacher. “Sorry, I know it sounds dumb but...I’m not ready to tell you cause it’s kinda embarrassing. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll ever actually go through with it because I don’t know that I’ll have the courage to tell Mama about it and ask her to let me do it.”

Elfrida smiled at her. “That’s okay, you don’t have to share it yet if you aren’t ready. But tell me this; do you have a dream? Something you really want? Do you have things you want to do with your future now that your plans have changed?” “Yes, to all of that.” Mahannana said without hesitation. “I’m too embarrassed to say it out loud, but I have a dream and I’m willing to work as long as it takes to be able to fund it. And I think I do have an idea of what kind of person I want to be now that I’m going to grow up and die in this world. I want to be a mage, and I want to be able to use my magic to help people. I just have to figure out what I’m uniquely good at.”

“Hmm, well I don’t think you need to worry about anything, then!” Elfrida said, tucking her knees to her chest. “You have a good head on your shoulders. You don’t have to have everything figured out. You’re young and you just arrived here. But...” Elfrida reached out and squeezed Mahannana’s hand. “If your dream is something that you’re willing to give the same amount of diligent effort that you’ve given to studying with me, I’m sure you can definitely achieve it!" She smiled comfortingly at the young girl. “Your mother is a good lady. She loves you and just wants what’s best for you. Courage comes with experience and I’m sure you’ll eventually gain the confidence to be able to ask her to support your dream. If it’s something that is precious to you and you’re willing to put in the work, she’ll definitely acknowledge that and support you.”

Mahannana looked at her in surprise. “Do you really think I’ll be able to get mama to support me?” “Yep! She needs time to adjust so she’s less scared of this world, and you need to gain more experience and confidence. Once both of you make progress, I’m sure she’ll be able to acknowledge what you want. Selena loves you, Ma-Chan, and she’s not just trying to be mean. She’s just scared and worried for the both of you.”

‘I can see why mama would be scared’ Mahannana admitted to herself. ‘I’ve never felt like I connected well with the “real world”. I always felt more connected to fictional worlds, but she’s not like that. Mama is a more practical person than an imaginative one. Me feeling like I’ve always lived here is the more unusual response.’ Mahannana gave herself a revelation. ‘Oh! That’s probably why she seems frustrated sometimes! I make her feel uncomfortable with how much I've adapted to this world. It's weird to her and she's probably scared of me liking this world better. It doesn't mean either of us are wrong, but we have different feelings and we have valid reasons for the. But even so, it’s not like I can just stop being myself. I never did feel like I belonged back in our world. I honestly don’t even think of it as my world because it felt like wearing a pair of pants that are too small. Mama’s the only one I could connect with and video games and books were the only things that made me happy. I had no dreams or anything I particularly wanted and, with the way the teachers talked, I probably didn’t have much more than a low-wage, dead-end job in my future. I'd probably never make it to university. I can actually breathe and feel like I have a future here.'

“Thanks, Elfrida-Chan. You’re right.” Mahannana thanked the dwarf. “If I’m being honest, back where we came from, it felt like everything was stacked against me no matter how hard I worked or what I tried. But here, it feels like I’m actually capable of doing something. People like me and listen to me! I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel like I actually have a chance of being happy here and it’s worth having a dream.”

‘I’m definitely going to work hard, so that I can tell mama what I want to do without being scared. If I do that, then she’ll have to respect and agree to my idea.’ Mahannana promise herself. 'I'm not going to keep being the Madoka who was everyone's punching bag.'