Chapter 17:
Welcome to My Isekai Life: With Boobs, Trauma, and Zero Dignity
“Ohhh, I like you, kid.”
Khar’Zarath’s deep, hellish voice suddenly shifted—like he had just sipped a coffee and turned… friendly?
Wait… did my full submission tactic actually work?!
“Tell me, boy…” he continued, casual, like he was asking for directions to the nearest gas station. “You haven’t seen a sacred treasure around here, have you?”
“Sacred treasure?”
I smiled.
Shrugged.
Put on the most innocent face in the entire multiverse.
“Nope. Not at all. Haven’t seen anything like that.”
Deception level: Oscar-worthy.
…
“Ren, I think he means the sacred treasure of Aishan you have in your pocket,” Evelyn said with her usual malicious grin.
…
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU CRAZY?!
Yes. She said it. Every single word.
Sweat immediately started dripping down my face.
Partly because of the infernal heat radiating from the living volcano in front of me…
But mostly from the sheer terror coursing through my body.
Khar’Zarath glared at me with the expression:
“You dare try to deceive me, pathetic worm?”
And I stared back with my own expression:
“Ignore my stupid companion. She’s new. Zero filter.”
“Boy…” The demon slammed his colossal flaming sword into the ground. The earth split apart under the impact. “Hand me the sacred treasure.”
“Ahhh… that treasure…”
I swallowed hard.
“Of course, of course. I thought you meant another treasure. Honest mistake…”
Slowly, carefully, I pulled the panties out of my pocket.
Held them between two fingers.
Like a man offering a delicate flower to a dragon about to roast him alive.
…
And then—
I don’t know which one of them got the brilliant idea.
Because yes.
They attacked.
“Abracadabra pata de cabra, thorny vines!” Nymeris shouted with all the faith in the world, thrusting her staff forward.
Tiny little vines sprouted from the ground.
Green. Fragile. Cute.
And before they could even brush against the demon—
FSSSHHH!
They disintegrated instantly from the sheer heat radiating off Khar’Zarath.
“YAAHHHH!” Evelyn yelled, charging forward with an epic punch.
…
Which landed with all the effectiveness of punching a nuclear furnace.
Loud? Yes.
Heroic? Depends on your definition of suicide.
Effective? Absolutely not.
Me? I went with the only viable option.
I grabbed Evelyn by one arm.
Nymeris by the other.
And ran like the world was on fire.
Spoiler:
It was.
“GET BACK HERE, WORMS!!!” Khar’Zarath roared.
A wave of searing heat exploded behind us, carbonizing the ground. The air itself burned in our throats.
Yeah.
We were screwed.
I ran.
Faster than ever in my life.
Nymeris in one arm.
Evelyn in the other.
And death itself right behind us—hurling fireballs like they were Halloween candy.
The land burned around us.
The air grew heavy.
And my butt… was in serious danger.
“Do something, Evelyn!! Make a portal or whatever!!” I screamed, soul on the verge of collapse.
“Ohhh, great idea!!” she shouted back, as if she’d just invented the concept of fire.
…
Excuse me?!
“You mean to tell me you could’ve done that from the start?!”
Evelyn closed her eyes.
Floated slightly above the ground.
A radiant aura burst out from her hands.
Her hair floated upward.
Her whole body glowed with celestial energy.
Yes! Yes! Salvation! Portal incoming!
…
…
…
“Ah, nope. I can’t make portals.” She landed gently, smiling like nothing had happened.
…
“WHAT?! Then what the hell was with the whole Super Saiyan routine?!”
“Looked cool, didn’t it?” she replied with a smug grin.
…
I’m going to die from a heart attack before the demon even kills me.
“COME HERE, WRETCHES!!!” Khar’Zarath’s roar shredded the air. Another fireball whizzed past, close enough to singe my ear.
And then—
FWOOOOOSH!
My pocket started glowing like I was carrying a divine flashlight.
“Look, Mr. Ren! Your pocket’s glowing!” Nymeris shouted.
I glanced down.
Oh no.
From inside the legendary panties, a warm, celestial light burst forth.
And out of that glow—
Aishan appeared.
Her spirit materialized, floating with majestic radiance.
“Kurosawa Ren… use my sacred treasure. It will shield you from all harm.”
…
“And how exactly do I use it?” I asked, holding up the artifact skeptically. “Does it come with an instruction manual, maybe a tutorial?”
Aishan gazed at me.
Solemn. Unyielding.
“You must wear it.”
…
…
WHAT?!
Slowly, I turned to look at Evelyn.
Her expression was crystal clear:
“Not a chance in hell.”
Then I looked at Nymeris.
She immediately turned crimson, lowering her gaze, her long ears trembling like crazy.
…
Fantastic.
Obviously the sacrifice fell on me.
So, with not a shred of shame left—because at this point I had no dignity left to lose—I slipped the panties over my pants.
…
They began to glow even brighter.
A radiant aura enveloped us in divine protection.
…
Please… let no one ever see this.
Not for me.
But for what would remain of my reputation if I survived this.
Khar’Zarath caught up.
His massive frame loomed closer, the ground trembling beneath his steps.
Then he stopped.
Those blazing eyes locked on us, narrowing as he saw the holy light surrounding my waist.
“That… won’t save you.” His voice thundered as he raised his infernal blade with both hands.
The crimson sword vibrated.
The air cracked.
Flames gathered, swirling into a devastating storm along the edge.
…
And then it struck.
ZWWOOOSH!
A cataclysmic slash of fire roared toward us.
I froze.
Legs trembling.
Sacred panties glowing on my waist like a damn stage spotlight.
“AISHAN!!! WHAT DO I DO NOW?!” I screamed, panic shredding my soul.
…
No answer.
Aishan? Hellooo?!
Wasn’t this the part where the legendary defense activates?!
The infernal slash came.
Fast.
Unstoppable.
Evelyn screamed.
Nymeris shut her eyes tight.
And me?
I clenched my butt cheeks and prayed.
…
…
…
POM!
The fiery slash smashed against the glowing aura—
And nothing happened.
Nothing.
The attack dissolved instantly, as though it had struck a divine wall.
The fire vanished.
The searing heat evaporated.
The crushing pressure dissipated into silence.
I blinked.
Looked down at my waist.
Still glowing.
…
“Did I just block a Demon General’s attack… with panties?” I whispered aloud, still in shock.
Khar’Zarath scowled.
“No… impossible…”
Then he roared, fury shaking the ground beneath us.
“CURSED BRAT!! HOW DARE YOU… HUMILIATE ME LIKE THIS?!”
“N-n-no, sir Khar’Zarath, you’ve got it wrong!” I babbled, eyes watering. “I didn’t mean to! It was an accident!!”
“You will now witness… the true power of a Demon King’s General!”
“NOOOO!!!”
I flailed, panicking.
“Here! Take them! Take them back! You go your way, I’ll go mine, okay?!”
I tried pulling the panties off.
Nothing.
Pulled harder.
Still nothing.
They had fused to me. Like some cursed second skin.
“Evelyn! Nymeris! Help me out here!”
Evelyn groaned.
Nymeris gulped.
Both grabbed the sides and yanked like they were trying to free a legendary sword from stone.
…
And then—
WHAM!
I lost balance.
Fell straight on my ass.
BOOOOM!
The panties reacted.
A shockwave erupted from my butt, blasting across the ground like a divine bomb detonating at +100 intensity.
The sky darkened.
The earth quaked.
Birds scattered.
A tree randomly exploded.
Khar’Zarath staggered, looking around.
“What… have you done…?”
Even he sounded worried.
Which made me even more worried.
“I’M SORRY!! I SWEAR I DIDN’T MEAN IT, GREAT LORD KHAR’ZARATH!!” I wailed, crawling backward in terror.
…
I think I just activated hardcore mode by accident.
The tremor grew stronger.
And then—
KRRAAAACK!
The ground beneath Khar’Zarath split open.
Like some ancient force just said: “Alright, that’s enough drama.”
The demon tried to react—too late.
He plunged into the abyss.
A deep, endless chasm that had clearly spawned from pure accident.
“I’LL MAKE YOU PAYYYYY!!!” his furious roar echoed as he vanished into the darkness.
…
Perfect.
I had just earned the personal hatred of a Demon King’s General…
Because of a pair of holy panties.
Life is cruel comedy with budget.
“Mr. Ren! You’re incredible!” Nymeris exclaimed, eyes sparkling like she had just witnessed a miracle.
“Amazing,” Evelyn muttered, clapping with the enthusiasm of someone patting a dog once.
I stood up.
Straight.
Chest puffed.
Gaze fixed heroically on the horizon.
As if all of it had been perfectly planned.
…
And then—
Destiny, as always, chose to ruin me.
The panties stopped glowing.
Loosened.
And not just the panties.
My pants too.
…
So there I was.
Arms raised in victorious triumph…
With my manhood exposed in the open air, right in front of Nymeris and Evelyn.
…
…
Nymeris turned crimson.
Collapsed backward with spiraling eyes, mumbling something between “Mr. Ren!” and “Nooo!”
Evelyn, meanwhile…
Laughed.
Pointed.
And shouted:
“PUAHAHAHAHA! It’s like a tiny worm!!”
…
…
It was cold, okay?!
And besides—I just defeated a freaking Demon General! Why are we talking about my privates?!
My life is a festival of misery.
But hey… at least we still have the legendary panties.
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