Chapter 18:

The Hangover… and the Bill

Welcome to My Isekai Life: With Boobs, Trauma, and Zero Dignity


After managing to bring Nymeris back to her senses — which took a couple of gentle slaps and Evelyn’s, “He’s gone, you won’t see it anymore” — we finally set out for Norwenthia.
The trip was… silent.
Tense.
Humiliating.

Nymeris was still red.
She wouldn’t look me in the eyes.
Evelyn, on the other hand, wouldn’t stop laughing.
At every step she threw a new comment:
“Ren, aren’t you cold?”
“Want me to buy you a cape for that?”
“Have you ever called it your little hero?”


I walked in silence.
Dignified.
Defeated by life.

I fight demons in my underwear… and no one writes songs about it.

When we finally reached the city, I only had one thing in mind:
Claim the reward.
And then have a legendary banquet at the guild while two adventurers told me how amazing I was.


We went straight to the palace.
And there he was.
The damn soldier.

Yes, the same one who made us climb five hundred steps.
This time, as we passed him, Evelyn shot him such a deadly glare that the poor man immediately stepped back and covered his crotch with both hands, trauma written all over his face.


This time, no stairs.
We used Zaroth’s magic elevator.

And when we reached the top…

We found the most unexpected sight of the day.

Zaroth.
The most powerful mage in the kingdom of Virelthia.

Sleeping.
In a rocking chair.
Wearing a semi-transparent robe.
And worst of all…

He was wearing adult diapers.


Dramatic pause.

I didn’t know if it was a tender image… or absolutely traumatizing.

And the worst part? No one else seemed surprised.

“Ahem.” I coughed loudly to wake him up.

Zaroth cracked an eye open.
“Eh…? Huh…? AHHHHHH!”
He jumped so violently he toppled backward off the chair like a sack of magical bones.

Groaning and cracking his back, he scrambled to his feet.
“Oh, my, it’s you! I thought I’d never see you again! Ha-ha-ha!” he laughed, as if he hadn’t just wet himself a second ago.

I looked at him.
Then at Evelyn.
Then at Nymeris.
Then back at Zaroth.

And I pointed.
“…Your clothes.”

“Ahhh! How careless of me!” He chuckled, casually pulling his robe back in place with zero shame.

“Hey, old man, what about that funny-voiced bird? Where is he?” Evelyn asked, scanning the room with zero respect.

“Hmm… no idea. Probably doing bird stuff, I guess,” Zaroth said nonchalantly.

Bird stuff? Like what? Declaring war on the furniture?

“Anyway, down to business.” I stepped forward.
“Here’s your damn legendary treasure.”

Carefully, I pulled the holy panties from my pocket.
They still glowed faintly.
Those cursed things.

“Ohhh, wonderful. Wonderful.”
Zaroth grabbed them with the tip of his staff, half in awe, half in fear.

As if they were radioactive.
Or worse: underwear blessed by Cynthia.

“Maybe… you forgot to mention that a vengeful spirit was guarding these panties, huh?” I shot back, annoyed.

“Ahhh, you mean Aishan,” Zaroth replied, as if we were talking about a nosy neighbor.

“Yes. Aishan.” I clenched my teeth.

“She was a formidable warrior. She was probably just… protecting her underwear.”


That explanation helps me in exactly zero ways, Zaroth.

“By the way,” he added casually, “did you run into any demons?”

“Did we—WHAT?!” I exploded.
“We faced a GENERAL of the DEMON KING and barely made it out alive!”

I blurted the entire story at lightning speed:
Vengeful spirit.
Traps.
Glowing panties.
Infernal slash.
Bottomless pit.
Exposed genitals.

Everything.

Zaroth blinked.
“You… defeated a demon general?”

“Well, defeated-defeated…” Evelyn raised an eyebrow.

“It’s… quite the miracle you survived in one piece,” Zaroth muttered, eyeing me like I was some bug that slipped through natural selection.

“Anyway. That’s it.” I sighed.
“You got your treasure. Now give us the reward.”

Zaroth nodded, opened a little chest, and tossed me a pouch of coins.
Clink.

“I’ll call you if I need you again…”

“No need, thanks.”

“I pay well.”

“…you could’ve started with that.”


Yeah. It’s exactly what it looks like.

After cashing our reward, we headed straight to the guild.
And that’s when my worst fear came true.

“Look, everyone! It’s Ren, the Panty Hero who defeated a Demon King general!”


HOW THE HELL DOES WORD TRAVEL SO FAST HERE?!


Before I could run, Lyra and Lina appeared in front of us.
Perfectly synchronized.
As always.

“Amazing, Mister Ren,” Lina said with a radiant smile.
“I didn’t expect you to accomplish something like that,” added Lyra, adjusting her glasses.


Embarrassed, but with pride swelling just a bit, I straightened my jacket and declared:
“Time to celebrate our victory!”

“What will you have?” Lina asked, with her receptionist-smile that says she’s used to dealing with lunatics.

I stepped forward.
Decided.
Happy.
Pocket full of money and unresolved trauma.

“Bring me your finest dish! No, make it three. One for Nymeris and Evelyn too.”

Lina nodded, delighted.

“Anything else?” Lyra asked, already writing on her slate.

“Yes! Wine! Bring your finest wine!” Evelyn chimed in, excited as if we hadn’t just faced half the demonic ecosystem.


Well… just this once.


The food began to arrive.
Mountains of meat, soups bubbling with magic, bread so crisp it sounded divine, and even a cake with a smiley face.

The wine jugs followed.
The atmosphere was glorious.

Music. Shouts of adventurers.
Fights. Dancing.
And one guy asleep on top of a fireplace that clearly wasn’t his.


I grabbed a jug.
Took a long gulp.
“Ahhh… this is heaven.”


I turned to Nymeris.
“You’re not drinking?”

She stiffened a little, fingers fiddling with her tunic.
“Um… I… I’m not used to drinking, Mister Ren.”

I smiled.
“Don’t worry. One day won’t kill you!”

I handed her the jug.
She looked at it like it was a forbidden potion.

Then…
She drank.

And drank.

And didn’t stop drinking.


Didn’t she just say she wasn’t used to this?


She downed the entire jug in one go.

Evelyn froze.
So did I.


Nymeris’s little elf ears started turning red.
First the tips.
Then the whole thing.
Then she started steaming like a kettle.


This.
This was about to get out of hand.

The party roared on.

“MORE WINE!” Evelyn bellowed, a jug in each hand, eyes blazing.
Literally blazing. Demon heritage or alcohol poisoning — who knows.

“Me too!!” Nymeris shouted, cheeks red, eyes shining, all her shyness gone.
She climbed onto the table, jug in hand, raising it like she was summoning Dionysus himself.

I…
I got carried away.
Yes. Way too carried away.

“WINE FOR EVERYONE!! TONIGHT’S ON ME!!” I shouted, overflowing with joy, adrenaline, and the corrupting power of fresh cash.


“UEEEEEEEE!” the whole guild roared in unison, like the start of a national drinking festival.


And that was it.
The party was total chaos.

Adventurers singing about flying horses that never existed.
Someone dancing with a broom.
Evelyn chugging against a dwarf in a drinking contest.
Nymeris hugging a chair and telling it how warm and supportive it was.
Me…
…me in a corner, laughing, yelling, and wearing a cake crown.


I didn’t just defeat a demon general.
I defeated my own shame.


And that night, for the first time since coming to this crazy world, I thought:
Maybe this… isn’t so bad.

The next morning, I woke up with no idea how the night had ended.
I had a hangover.
A magical hangover.
The kind that makes you doubt if you even exist or if you’re still stuck in a barrel quest.

Nymeris and Evelyn were both fast asleep.
Evelyn face-down, one leg hanging off the bed.
Nymeris hugging a pillow, murmuring, “Mister Ren’s pants…” in her sleep.


Better not think too hard about that.

I slipped out, took a bath.
Hot water. Citrus-scented soap. A fluffy towel.
Life was good again.

Got dressed, headed down to the guild hall for breakfast.
And there they were.

Lyra and Lina.
Smiling.
Way too smiling.
Suspiciously smiling.

They greeted me with that perfect expression that can only mean two things:
VIP welcome.
Or financial death.

“Good morning, Mister Ren!” Lina chimed, angelic as ever.
“Hope you rested well,” Lyra added, adjusting her glasses with elegant menace.

Still relaxed, I answered cheerfully:
“Yeah! Yesterday was amazing!”


That happiness lasted exactly five seconds.

“Speaking of yesterday…” Lina said sweetly.
“You need to pay the bill,” Lyra finished, smiling like a guillotine.


………oh, right.
I forgot to pay.


“Ah, yes, yes, no problem! How much is it in total?”

Lyra pulled out her slate.
And started writing.


And writing.


And writing.


Why was she writing so much?


Finally, she looked up.
“The total comes to 8300 argens, Mister Ren.”




Ah.


Lina smiled even more.
“Here’s the note, Mister Ren.”

On the paper, written in perfect calligraphy and silent cruelty, it read:

HOUSE SPECIAL — 3 × 300 = 900
NORWENTHIAN PREMIUM WINE — 160 × 15 = 2400
DAMAGED FURNITURE = 5000
TOTAL: 8300 ARGENS
Billed to Kurosawa Ren.



I went silent.

My eyes… welled up.
My soul… collapsed.


And with tears in my eyes, I paid.

“Thank you for your payment, Mister Ren~” Lina sang sweetly.
“Come again anytime,” Lyra added, already jotting down her next victim.


This wasn’t a celebration.
It was a robbery disguised as a party.


Damn it, not even the demons hurt me this much.

Ashley
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Sota
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Sen Kumo
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Ramen-sensei
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