ISEKAI INDUCTION - PART IV

With Janus’ head screwed back on properly, the two Heads of Department show me off to the welcome party I’d tried to dodge. Their logic being that it would draw more scrutiny if things don’t go ahead as planned. Having a new recruit snub Agency ritual day one, then be squirrelled away in a quiet corner, preferably never to be thought of again, would very much make me be thought of in only the worst terms.

I am ushered between an almost unceasing parade of heroes.

Carousing with crowds of King Arthurs.

Hugging it out with herds of Hercules.

The titans of myth and legend recruited in droves from every timeline they’ve ever manifested in.

“Is that?” a singular Sun Wukong swings from the rafters after an altercation with some cyborg, and the Head of Recruitment nods in confirmation, neck still a little loose.

He points out the multi-armed Shiva quadruple fisting drinks, an ill-tempered Susanoo losing at dice in a corner, and other superstars beginning with ‘S’ like Signy and Sigmund sneaking off together to find a cupboard for some privacy.

Amidst the sea of humanity’s classical era greats, the big brand name heroes of yesteryear, there are other faces I couldn’t possibly identify.

Mech pilots, beast-persons, robots, humanoid aliens, elves, dwarves, witches, wizards, cowboys, knights, gun toting desperadoes from a range of dystopias, spandex clad superhero and sentai types… a whole plethora of sci-fi/fantasy staples from across the multiverse. Multiple dimensions’ worths of new up and comers, or unfathomably ancient juggernauts from pre-recorded history, from the hi-tech to the supernatural, side by side. It’s dizzying, and I doubt I’ll ever live long enough to learn the infinite and ever-changing list of employees at the Returns Agency. Hopefully, I'll be back home before I need to learn more than a dozen names.

Eventually, Chris guides us over to a small table by a large potted plant.

“Hey, Meganie, we’d really like it if you could show the new guy around…” as the Head of HR talks to a dusty palm, I notice someone has spritzed but not cleaned the leaves, so the water droplets are just resting on top of a layer of fuzz, “…he’d only just become a hero in his timeline, so like, he’ll need some gradual on-boarding, y’know?”

I assume we’re working with a changeling, or an invisible secret agent, because I’m still not seeing anyone past the two Department Heads, but the dust on the plant is distracting me a lot. There’s a napkin on the table, so I reach past my scheming superiors to get it, my face smooshing against Janus’ bony brown hip in the process. Just as my fingers reach the edge of the paper-towel, another hand attempts to lay claim to it.

A mousy countenance peeps through the palms, and my competition for the napkin retreats, as dark pink eyes beyond the plant look every which way but at the three of us. I shimmy past the other two and wipe the broad flat leaves clean while the negotiations continue. I don’t want to spook my supervisor-to-be more than they already seem.

“I-i-if… y-y-you th-th-think I can.” A very uncomfortable and strained response. Barely squeaked.

She must be terrified.

“OK, great!” Chris washes his hands of the situation and walks off.

He may be capable, but god is he tactless.

The Head of Recruitment bows and follows the Head of Human Resources. They end up perusing the buffet while I pick up the pieces for myself and, “Meganie, was it?”

I step round the palm to finish my cleaning and get a better look at my new co-worker. She’s the most unassuming person I’ve ever seen, other than her being albino, but even that somehow lets her fade into the background like a ghost. Short bobbed hair, almost red eyes, pallid office worker complexion bordering on translucent, and a big padded coat that looks somewhere between an insulated parka and what you’d wear in a lab.

“Y-yes.” Her response is meekness incarnate.

It’s draining trying to pull conversation out of her. I try asking about the role, department, agency, and if I get anything other awkward silence, it's one word answers.

From across the room, I watch the sea of heroes mill about, gradually dispersing now that I’ve met as many as can be bothered to introduce themselves. Janus left after one vol-au-vent, probably to keep his head, and Chris, well… “Is he just eating the same slice of quiche over and over?” It honestly looks like as soon as he finishes the single lump of beige finger food on his paper plate, it re-spawns in the exact same spot.

Meganie tentatively looks up.

“H-he does that.” She pops some gadget out from a side slit in her coat, it crackles into being as the two projector bars form a sort of hologram tablet screen. She makes a note, takes a brief recording, then puts it away again. There’s a flinch at her noticing my noticing, but she quickly recovers, “I-it’s for research.”

I try to keep the ball rolling with other dumb observations of the dwindling welcome party goers, before they all go, but Meganie just seems to switch off. No anxious tittering like before, or giggles like I was hoping, just a blankness I can’t find my way around.

This is going to be difficult.

***

For the first few days I am stuck in bureaucratic limbo.

I don’t have clearance to really go anywhere or do anything, there’s not really an employee handbook nor any training modules I can do yet, and my supervisor is still basically avoiding me.

“That lucky prick!” The hero me that was meant to be taken is living the good life.

I’ve been glued to the screen in my room which serves as a personal terminal of sorts. There’s a very limited intranet, that I don’t have all the permissions for, and a sort of interdimensional CCTV live-streaming service. I think the purpose is partly to check how things are going back home, if you’re feeling homesick, as well as researching locations before going on a mission to resolve isekai’s gone wrong. However… “God damn it! You son of a-”

I can’t look at the monitor any longer.

He’s not only scored a follow-up date with the veteran from Accounts, but now he’s got one with Bonny too, my shy little clown.

How has he built a harem looking like that?!.

I cannot bury my head under enough pillows to block out the cringe.

The high collared black cloak is too much! And that hood! It just looks like he’s trying to be an edgy anti-hero. I can’t take him seriously. Not like I am insanely jealous or anything... I know!

Flicking channels on the multiverse viewing network, I jump over to my original timeline. A need to know how my girls are doing without me driving me to – honestly – act a bit like a stalker.

They go about their business as usual.

Bonny perfectly capable of dealing with any situation that comes up without me, going to karaoke with groups of friends from uni... ouch!

Kia socialising with the rest of her department rather than seeking me out, that guy from the lift hitting on her, she rejects him... swing and a miss mustard boy!

Their lives seemingly more on track now that I’m not there, and it hasn’t even been a week... well that’s depressing.

Chris had said that they’d taken me just at the exact moment I would not be missed in my timeline. That it was too late to put me back because it would cause problems, and the same for trying to recruit hero me from his dimension. I’d make my Bonny and Kia too dependent if I went back. It’d ruin their lives to lose hero me in his dimension if he were taken now too.

Such simple things causing greater ripples across our respective worlds.

t-tap… tap… 

“It’s open.” After a hesitation, Meganie enters. Even her knocking is hesitant.

“Y-your paperwork came through.” We haven’t talked much since I transferred into her department, so she’s still not gotten any more confident around me. “W-we can get to work now.”

She places a clip-on name-badge on my desk, then turns to leave, but hovers by my door. Even from the misery bedding burrito I’ve cocooned myself within, I can tell she expects me to hop to it right away.

“Ughhhhhhhhh…” I decant myself to the floor.

Like a slug I crawl across to the table, flapping my hand about to get the ID without effort or looking, then onwards to the doorway. Meganie tries to move her foot, more so to let me past along the floor rather than to shrink away, but I cling to her leg, then worm my way up her coat to make myself vertical.

If she wants me to work, she can help me stand.

“I-I’m not a ladder…” Her stare is blank, even after protesting.

What is with her?

I really can’t get a handle on her personality, but I guess it’ll come from working together. That, and…

Why does she smell of chemicals?