A Trip to the Onsen

Even though the recollection was not perfect, Tomita immediately knew where he was. When he was younger, he had taken several trips to Kusatsu, near Nagoya. There, the nourishing waters of Yubatake fed dozens of bath houses where people from across the region and beyond came to recharge. Highly acidic, mineral-rich waters washed away concern and pain in the shadow of ancient mountains. The last time Tomita had visited was after his wife left.

His memories were not perfect, especially in the latter years due to the drinking, so the recollection was flawed and smudged in some places. It was as though the cave could only create what he could recall, so many of the edges of the space were smudged and distorted, hiding the lack of memory. But the bathing pool was perfect. Stones along the edges were just as he remembered. The wooden privacy fence sat ten meters back, lining the perimeter with red cherry beams that separated the space from the mountainous terrain in the distance. Steam rose from the waiting waters with a gentle beckon of comfort.

Tomita could not help but smile as he looked at the space that had offered him moments of reprieve when he was alive. Now, seeing it in this state, there was a strange melancholy sadness to it all. To Tomita’s shame, he felt a small regret for killing himself. Life, for all of its cruelty, hardship, loneliness, and pain, had still been gracious enough to allow him joy and wonder. Izhari had known none of that. Through pure hate and condemnation, she had soldiered on through existence, raging against the entirety of the universe, but never falling.

For Tomita, she was truly incredible.

Looking down at her paws, Tomita saw that she was listening to the new sounds and inhaling the strange new scents. For her, this place was unusual. Nature smelled more potent. More clean. It was not masked or suppressed. Sound moved with almost overwhelming clarity, but it was relaxing. Her ears no longer had to strain to find every detail. Though it was almost lost on her, the sensations were causing her body to lower its guard.

What gave her the most peace in that small moment was that for the first time, this was something of his world. For as long as she had known her familiar, it had only been in her realm. There was never any understanding of where he came from. What his realm was like. Even with the hardship it had put him through, she had never felt a hate for his realm coming from his heart like what she felt for Magis Lais.

Then the anger snuck back into her mind like a thief in the night. It had been festering for some time, maybe even since the beginning, but she had always pushed it away or focused on other things. It did not even fully make sense to her why she felt this anger when thinking of her familiar, but now it was steadily growing stronger in the absence of the burden sharing. She hoped she could push it away and refocused her mind on the warm mist of the nearby steam.

“What is this place?” she asked.

“We called them onsens. They were hot springs. Bathhouses where we would go to recharge and relax. This was my favorite. I spent many nights here over the years. I think I wanted to experience it with you, one last time. Let you enjoy it, and maybe even find some manner of calm…”

“I… don’t usually bathe. It was always hard to get in and out of the stream due to my…” she stopped as his hands returned to her paw.

“I will help you enter, if you want me,” he said.

Once more, his words and soft presence disarmed her rigid embarrassment. Once more, the anger reared its ugly head. Once more, she pushed it aside.

“I’d like that,” she quietly admitted.

It was interesting to her. Whispers of desire slid through her body as she recalled their bond in the cave all those lifetimes ago, but beyond that, she felt a desire to unravel. With him, she could allow herself to break. Such a notion was so foreign to her, it almost overwhelmed her mind, but she welcomed the safety of it all. Her only concern is what would be left after the break. Her mind was not well, her spirit was weakened, her resolve destroyed, and her hope gone. Whatever remained it was not kind or good. Breaking could lead to destruction, but she couldn’t fight it anymore.

Fighting it would only cause her to rip herself apart.

So she nodded and let him help her stand.

Gentle, unassuming hands removed layers of fabric. There was nothing sexual or teasing in their efforts. His breath came through his nose and out his mouth as he moved to her side to lift her tunic over her head. Beads chimed as they softly rattled against metal bracings. Wraps undid themselves, and her head was exposed. She could feel his presence inches from her, moving with steady, intentional focus.

Belts were undone and slowly wrapped on the ground. Her dress was loosened and lowered as he steadied her balance so that she could step out. Undergarments were untied and slid off without a word. Now she was only herself. Nothing covered her, nothing hid her, nothing remained, save for her staff.

She listened as soft flushes of nervous color flooded her face. His jacket moved along his shirt and was folded into a neat pile. Fingers undid the numerous buttons at the front of his once white dress shirt. Then it was removed and folded, and set on top of the jacket. Metal clanked as his belt buckle was undone. Leather slid along stitching with a quiet wisp as it was removed and set with hers.

Boots were unholstered and set aside with socks. Trousers were lowered with a slight grunt as his incoming back pain formally announced itself. She wanted to speak, but decided against it when he continued on without a word. The last remnants of fabric moved down his legs, and she knew he was exposed like she was.

Once more, subtle flashes of desire spoke secret words in her heart, but more than that, calls for release and deep exhales of healing drowned them out. To feel his touch and be with him in this moment was enough. Her spirit, along with his, wanted peace most of all, and that was what he was striving for with this pocket of reality.

“Master, I can pick you up, if you are ready,” he said quietly.

Izhari nodded and felt his hand against her staff. She accepted releasing it and heard him carefully set it against the nearby rock where all of their coverings were now gathered. Hands and wrists and forearms braced under her hips and ribs as he hoisted her with a small exhale. Then they were moving towards the water. The steam gathered in density and immediately began to coat her fur, but it was kind and soft.

Breathing it in through her nose allowed the dampness and warmth to coat the inside paths of her nostrils with a gentle layer. His feet were in the water now, stepping down each step until the hot pool met his waist and her feet. It was her first feeling of such a sensation, and her body tensed ever so subtly in surprise.

“Is it okay?” he asked.

“It is. It’s very warm. I’ve only ever known cold water.”

Tomita paused and held her there, lowering her a couple of inches to let her feet feel the temperature and adjust. Her arms crossed over her chest, not in embarrassment, but anticipation and uncertainty.

“I will not drop you,” he said.

“I trust you,” she replied.

With that, he continued the descent into the steam and bubbling pool until it was at his chest and Izhari’s stomach.

She closed her eyes and exhaled through parted lips as the warmth encompassed her. Immediate waves of isolated cries moved through all of her mind, and the silver tears returned. But these were different. Surrender, acceptance, somber acknowledgement, and a weeping for what never was were all that moved through the faintly glowing liquid that was streaming down her cheeks.

Tomita did not know why he was crying once again. Maybe it was for her. Maybe it was for the life he lived and the one that never came. Maybe it was for the life that had ended. Seeing this place now, humiliation overwhelmed him as he knew he would never actually experience it again. Though there was no one in his world to actually mourn him, he stood on the other side of reality and mourned for himself. He had made a decision in despair that meant such opportunities would never return.

It was not something he would ever say to Izhari, but he hoped that if they were to die in the coming days, this death would be final for him. He did not want to experience any more suffering.

But then another thought moved through his grief- at least this suffering had led him to her.

After a lifetime and death of isolation, after being flung across the fabric of reality, he had finally met someone he had connected with. Their shared traumas, their pure understandings of the full scope of tragedy, their burden sharing: all of it had created a bond that both had so desperately been seeking for their entire lives. Now, it was finally here, and for that brief moment, that bond was able to be complete.

A small vermillion orb appeared and shone beside Tomita, and he knew it was his memory of this moment. In his mind, he thanked it for immortalizing this experience.

Then Izhari’s paw met his face. She spoke, and the orb almost vanished.

“Why did you kill yourself?” she cried softly.