Chapter 39

I couldn’t stand going to my cramped room, and as soon as Tarion had left, I headed to the temple. Despite what it represented, I had always found that its stillness brought me a sense of peace.

I was lucky, and the courtyard was empty as I entered. A stone statue loomed at the centre of a well-kept garden on the other side, and I walked up and halted next to it. It was the same as I had seen in Akka. Her sword was raised high, and her shield extended, protecting the people from danger. I sighed. This is what they wanted me to be. But I wasn’t her. I couldn’t do it. I glanced around, suddenly remembering the words of the old priestess in Marbug.

“You have nothing to live up to”, her words rang in my mind.

I stared at the statue. It wasn’t true. They all put their hope in me, and now would even go to war for my sake. I sighed. The old priestess had said that they saw their Goddess as someone who helped them make the right choice, not someone who protected the world from danger. It was very different from how the people viewed me. I wondered why they saw their deity so differently.

I followed the neatly paved path that extended from the statue, hoping to find a quiet spot where I could hide and rest. On each side, low rows of tidy hedges ran along, and at the edges of the lawn, alcoves hidden behind taller hedges offered a place for contemplation. It was only as I came to the end of the path that I saw a young woman kneeling by the flowerbed. I froze and was just about to turn back when she looked up. Her eyes widened in surprise when she realised who I was.

“M-my lady, how can I help you?”

She quickly got up and made an awkward bowed. I sighed. Leaving now would only make it even worse. I tried to smile and think of something to say, but I had no idea what. I wasn’t good at dealing with people.

“What are you doing?”, I asked in the end.

It was the best I could come up with. She didn’t answer, but instead gestured at the flowers and made an apologetic bow.

“I-I am sorry... I didn’t finish…”

I sighed. So now they expected me to be crossed if they didn’t weed fast enough. I tried to smile.

“I can help you.”

“T-thank you, m-my lady”

I walked over to her, and we knelt down by the flower bed.

“You can call me Rina. What is your name?”

“I-Ina…”, she whispered.

She stared at the flowers, not daring to look at me, and I smiled, hoping it would put her at ease. We continued weeding, and slowly, she began to relax, even giving me a few curious glances.

“My la-… Rina..?”

She glanced at me as if wondering if she was allowed to speak. I nodded.

“Why... Why do you look like a Marburg priestess? Did you really live there before, as they say?”

Her question was so unexpected that I didn’t know what to say. Why had she asked that?

“It is practical”, I answered.

It was the best answer I could think of. I couldn’t tell her that I felt more comfortable in a simple outfit, and that it kept my mind from thinking about who they thought I was. She glanced sadly at her robe, and I frowned. Was there some rivalry between the different ways they interpreted the teachings of their Goddess? Probably… I sighed, realising that I must have messed something up.

“I also carry this, like the priests in Akka”

I pointed to my aegis. Even if they just carried a silver shield on a chain as a symbol of their office, I hoped it was similar enough to show her that I didn’t favour one way over another. She seemed to relax and gave me a faint smile.

“Everyone has their own way to honour her….” she said quietly. “Our robes show that we put the needs of others above our own, so anyone who needs us can find us with ease”

I nodded, and once again the differences in their interpretations hit me. I wondered why they hadn’t tried to wipe out those who believed differently, like in my world.

“And we walk barefoot to remind ourselves we are just like anyone else and the choices we’ve made don’t make us more special than others”, she continued with a smile.

I nodded to her. Nothing in this world even resembled my own, even if the differences were sometimes difficult to point out. Not that it bothered me. It felt like a clear start, so on many occasions, I found myself adopting their customs rather than trying to hold on to the past for its own sake.

We continued working in silence, and I found weeding surprisingly calming, and even Ina’s company didn’t bother me too much. Maybe she didn’t see me as someone who would protect them from the darkness, as the statue showed? I sighed. If everyone saw me like she did, my life would be easier.

After an hour, she gestured for us to take a break, and we shared water and some fruit. I tried to eat, but my gaze kept returning to the statue looming over us. That’s what they wanted me to be. But… I glanced at Ina. If they had different versions of her, couldn’t I just choose to be the other? I had already made my choice, and breaking my promise would only make things worse, but what if I could become someone who wouldn’t need to lead them, but someone who walked by their side? Something more human and attainable… Something less special…

“Rina…?”

She looked at me, concerned. I must have zoned out.

“Thank you,” I said, smiling.

She looked at me, confused.

“Why?”

“You reminded me that no matter who we are, we are no more special than the others”

After that, I took off my sandals and kept working barefoot. It felt weird and uncomfortable, but at least my mind stopped nagging me about having to be a Goddess who defended this world. Ina chuckled and tried to reassure me that I didn’t need to do it, telling me how impractical it would be, but I just smiled. If this was the answer to my misery, I didn’t plan to give up on it.

We continued working until late afternoon, when the alcove was free of weeds. As we stood up, Ina gave me a quick bow and disappeared out of the temple. I assumed this would be the story of her life, but despite thinking about what she would tell others about me, it didn’t bother me as much as it used to.

Selene sat on my bed as I came back to my room. She looked at me and chuckled.

“What happened? You look happy.”

I sat down next to her.

“I…”

“What?”

She looked at me curiously.

“What if I don't need to be the Goddess who protects the world…”

She smiled and patted my back.

“I see you’re finding your path.”

“You don’t think I will mess up anything?”, I asked as a pang of anxiety suddenly shot through me.

She shook her head.

“Everyone needs to find their own path.”

She took my hand.

“Do you even believe in her?”, I asked.

She thought for a moment before answering.

“Not like Karim does. I don't think that some powerful being protected this world with her shield, but I believe that there was someone a long time ago who taught us how to make the right choices.”

I nodded, and she glanced at my dirty feet and chuckled.

“Just promise me you will not adopt the islander’s customs”, she grinned.

“Why?”

“Their priests hide their faces behind masks. I would miss your smile if you did.”

I chuckled

“I promise”

She looked at me

“We’re leaving soon. We need to get ready…”

She left, and I began to prepare to go to Doria.