The Tutorial Field From Hell

The first thing Yuki heard was a faint static buzzing in the air.

A low, humming sound that vibrated in her ears, like a broken TV static. She flinched at the sound and rubbed at her temples. Her eyes shot open at the sensation of her hands, yet there was nothing but infinite blackness. The space was as if all colors except black were deleted entirely.

She was barely able to register her own hands in front of her face. The outline of them shuddered and jittered, lines of colorful coding slightly off as if lagging. She opened her mouth to speak, but even her voice lagged behind like a cheap movie with bad editing.

“W-w-w-what is h-h-happening to m-me?”

The word glitched as they left her mouth. They echoed, overlapping, then sounded as if three people were talking all around her. Panic started to set in.

A floating box appeared before her, light blue hues illuminating the dark space.

[Loading.. Please Wait]

Yuki blinked at the floating words. “Excuse me?”

The box jittered. A percentage bar flickered on the screen. It flickered from 1%, dropped back to 0%, then leaped to 386% before crashing out with an error.

“Is this a video game or something? This isn’t funny.”

Another error message popped up, rotating clockwise slowly in the air, taunting her.

[WorldData :: Overlap Exception. Placeholder Asset Substituted.]

Her throat went dry. This didn’t appear to be a dream..right? This had to be some kind of panic induced hallucination! Something felt very wrong.

Before she could wrap her brain around it, the void ripped and shattered like glass. With a deafening CRACK, the floor beneath her gave way and she plummeted downwards. She shrieked as she fell, flashes of colorful images passed by but she was unable to understand what they meant as her momentum accelerated. Then suddenly she slammed face-first into something soft and damp.

“...Ow.”

The taste of dirt and grass filled her mouth. She groaned and spat, slowly picking herself up on shaky hands. Her cheek was caked in tiny green blades that tickled her skin. She brushed them off, only for some to flicker in and out of existence.

Grass?

She was in some kind of field.

Or.. something resembling a field.

The sky above was blue but the clouds seemed to repeat over and over in the same shape as if they were on a loop. A really bad loop… that caused them to spasm and repeat from the beginning. The sky stretched for miles but the only thing in the sky that was different was the sun. The sun flickered in and on, unsure of whether to be a sun or a crescent moon despite the brightness. It was as if someone was flipping a page of a book back and forth aimlessly.

The ground was carpeted in lush grass, some small area either being dirt holes or rocks or trees. Small flowers littered the field as if they couldn’t stand being together. A rabbit bounced happily across the meadow.. Then it froze midair. It flickered out and appeared 5 feet in the air. A pitiful pop sound came from it as it burst like a balloon that was over inflated, followed by a loud ‘DING’ error message.

[Error: Rabbit 1.92 out of commission. Restarting..]

“What kind of nightmare—”

A cheerful ding! Brought her attention back to the meadow.

Another glowing box appeared in front of her; little sparklers danced at the sides of the text.

[Welcome To Fantasy Quest! (User_Error). Your sacred duty is to heal others and protect allies.]

[Disclaimer: this build may be bugged. We offer our sincere apologies for any inconveniences.]

Yuki blinked at the message.

“..Bugged? How can I play a healer if I’m bugged?”

The text box ignored her and continued.

[Press ‘Insert Key That Doesn’t Exist Here’ to begin your journey!]

She stared at the message in disbelief, then at her hands. “How exactly am I to press this key or whatever to begin? I don’t have keys!”

The box flickered, froze, then seemed to restart itself.

[Tutorial Initiated. Beginning Automatically]

“Wait–wait!”

FLASH.

Nothing happened. The message vanished, leaving her confused. The clothes she wore vanished in a flash. She quickly tried to cover herself only to look down and see a flowing white robe with golden trim. A curved wooden staff appeared in her right hand, standing much taller than herself.

“...Did I join a cult or something?”

Yuki sighed and stumbled forward, taking in her surroundings. The tutorial field stretched for days in every direction. Small ponds dotted the fields, the wildlife oddly happy. Small birds and other insects seemed awake and busy on such a pleasant day.

She walked over to a small pond and peered into the water. Her reflection stared back–only it lagged and glitched like a bad livestream. She flinched away.

“This is absolutely cursed..”

The wind picked up, carrying what seemed like voices–only they were scrambled into gargled symbols:

“[voice lines not loaded]”

Yuki froze. “Nope, nope, nope.”

She quickly turned to leave-only for a flower at her feet to flicker and vanish. An inventory icon appeared, a small pouch of some kind, just to the right of her vision.

[+] Random Flower Acquired.]

“Wha..?| She swung around, her arms flailing wildly. As soon as she touched another flower, an inventory message popped up in front of her.

{x10 Random Flowers Acquired.]

“Why would I want these?”

A rustling in a bush close by made her jolt.

Something green and bouncy squeezed out of the grass--a slime. Except instead of wobbling around like a pile of jello, it bounded in a stiff square as if it were stuck in a box.

It “eyes” were just two tiny ERROR icons.

“What the heck is that supposed to be, exactly?”

Another message popped up in front of Yuki.

[To heal, please attack the target with a punch movement. What could possibly go wrong?]

Yuki's jaw dropped. “Punching movement? To heal? You got to be joking.”

The slime bounded closer, its movement as if on a conveyor belt. Panicking, she closed her eyes and swung her staff clumsily, smacking the blob with a pitiful bonk.

 The slime squeaked like a dog’s chew toy, then slowly evaporated into little pixels that blew away in the breeze.

[+10 HP]

She stared at the little red numbers as they floated in the area where the little slime once was. Her body lit up with a faint glow as her HP bar-hovering in the left side corner of her vision-flickered. The number next to the bar read “99/100” jumped to “100/100” as if showing the healing worked.

Yuki froze.

Then she screamed. “YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?!”

Her protest seemed to summon more chaos.

A chicken with two heads strutted into view, one head hawking normally and pecking at the ground, the other head screaming “ERROR 404” like a car alarm. Yuki flinched at the sound as it strutted closer then ran, both sides now screaming. Behind it, a wolf-shaped creature lunged-only to freeze mid-air, T-pose, then returned to normal to continue chasing after its prey.

“Nope. I’m leaving. Definitely leaving.”

She turned to walk away from the craziness, but the ground started to tremble.

The world around her turned brown, muddy, dark as if something threw up and stained the ground.

Her eyes went wide as the air glitched and whirled. Particles of dirt and grass merged and formed into a kind of circular portal in the sky several feet away. Two small horns stuck out from said portal and grew, forming what seemed like a large boar creature. Its deep crimson fur was half missing textures, patches of code seemed stuck in strange places on its back, its eyes red and almost hollow looking, and its powerful hooves seemed to obliterate the ground as it moved.

[Warning: System_Failure..Boss Not Registered.][Debugging…]

[Error..Boar_Asset_Missing]

[New Objective: Defeat The Tutorial Boss Bo@r.Exe]

It was three times her size. Its mouth opened to roar but it was distorted like corrupted files mixed together.

Yuki went still.

Maybe.. Maybe if she stayed quiet, it won’t notice–

She slowly backed away from the monster, till the slightest CRACK was heard.

Yuki jolted in the spot and slowly looked down. Her feet just so happened to step on a tree branch, despite no trees being near her. Her head quickly whipped up to see the boar staring at her intensely.

“...Oh no.”

It charged.

What followed could only be called absolute chaos.

Yuki sprinted across the field, holding the helm of her robe so as to not trip -- though that didn’t help much. She shrieked as the ground beneath her spawned bushes faster than she could trip over them. The boar behind her shook the ground, its hooves pounding so hard the grass de-rendered under its weight. Behind it, the trees jittered between models with each shock-oak, pine, then suddenly upside down mushrooms-before snapping back. 

“Aren’t tutorials supposed to teach you how to heal others? I didn’t sign up to get chased after boss monsters!!” Yuki cried, leaping over bushes and a rock-that turned into two rocks then a fence post, then disappeared entirely.

The boar squealed behind her, tusks elongating like spears as it got closer.

She dove left, only to be showered in falling text:

[Error: GrassText not assigned.]

[Warning: Player path not available.]

They bounced off her head like foam bricks, causing her to cover her head as she continued to run.

She dove into a nearby river headfirst–except the river froze, spat static, then slammed her onto the other side of the bank.

Her lungs burned. Her body shook aggressively. She staggered to her feet, water dripping off her bangs.

The boar stood on the other side of the river and roared at her in anger, as if it were too afraid to attempt to cross. It grunted at her then stomped off back towards the field.

The system chimed:

[Achievement Unlocked: Dances With Death]

[Error: Respawn_Point_Not_Found]

[Fallback protocol: Continue running, Idiot]

“WHAT KIND OF GAME IS THIS?!”