Congratulations! You're... the Saint?!

The boar was finally gone.

One minute it was stomping after her like an out-of-control truck, tusks sharpened like jagged swords. The next, it just grunted at her from across the river and casually trotted off back into the meadow as if someone had pressed the “undo” button on her death.

She wheezed and dropped to her knees. “It…it left? Just like that?”

Silence only answered back. The distant sound of corrupted squealing lingered in the air as if someone’s ringtone was stuck on repeat.

Her “victory” fanfare wasn’t much better.

[Tutorial Boss Encounter Complete!]
[Reward: ERROR: Reward_Table_Missing]
[Substitution protocol engaged…]
[Congratulations! You received: Pocket Lint (x1)]

Yuki stared at her palm, where a tiny, gray fuzzball materialized. She tapped it with her other hands, but nothing happened. It didn’t even sparkle.

“...Pocket. Lint. My loot for almost being skewered by a porkzilla is pocket lint?”

The system dinged again, cheerily oblivious:

[Quest Completed!]
[Experience Gained: ERROR: Value_Null.]
[Correction: Level 0.5 achieved.]

“Level zero-point five,” she mumbled to herself. “Not even level one. I’m officially half a person, I guess.”

Her voice cracked into a laugh that sounded dangerously close to crying.

At least the scenery was nice–Or... it was supposed to be--if you ignored the flowers blinking between blocky pixels and hi-def roses. The river burbled, froze, then jumped three feet forward. Butterflies floated in lazy arcs until one froze midair, then zipped off-screen like someone pressed fast-forward. A flower near her feet flickered between a lovely wildflower, a Minecraft cube, and then a jpeg of a tulip before stabilizing again. 

But before she could catch her breath, the air in front of her lit up again.

[Main Quest Unlocked!]
[You have been summoned to–ERROR:
Demon_King_Objective missing…]
[Recalibrating mission…]
[Designation: SAINT]
[Role: Support the Chosen Hero and their party on their journey.]
[Sub-objective: undefined.]
[Hint: Meet Hero = Flag_on]

Yuki blinked. “...Saint? Wait–me? No, no, no. There’s got to be some kind of mistake. I’m…I’m background character material at best! My best skills are awkward silence and pushing people away!”

The text flickered, then stamped a new line in bright red:

[Failure results in: DELETION.]

“...Oh great. First a promotion, now a death threat.”

A golden path disappeared before her, pulsing faintly as if beckoning her to follow. Glitches worsened the further she walked down the strange glowing path. 

Suddenly, a sound drew her attention–a repetitive, rhythmic clop, clop, clop. 

Her eyes widened. A cow, stuck in an infinite walking loop, circled in a small area behind a high-joint fence. Another cow in the pasture that she passed mooed on an infinite loop: “Moo. Moo. Moo. Moo.”

Finally, the city emerged over the hills–a massive, surreal metropolis of stone, steel, and floating glitch effects. Towering spires jutted into the sky, many flickering like broken holograms, their shadows lagging several seconds behind. Cobblestone streets appeared to stretch infinitely, sometimes folding back on themselves like paper being folded and unfolded. Shops with brightly colored banners hung overhead, though each banner glitched mid-wave, letter scrambling into nonsense. 

The streets looked alive, almost–figures moving in loops, some freezing mid-step, others phasing partially into walls. From here, she could see fountains in the central plaza glitch mid-, water polygons spinning in the air, and statues that alternated between stone, bronze, and an entirely unreadable placeholder: Statue_001.

Behind the city, massive mountains loomed, jagged and intimidating. Peaks peeved the clouds, some capped with snow, other shimmering as if composed of shifting polygons. A river of glitching mist poured from the tallest peak, snaking into the city like a silver ribbon, then flickering into cubes and back. Occasionally, a flash of light on the mountain sent pixelated shadows cascading over the city streets.

Above the city, a section of the sky blinked out entirely–blackness, like missing code. A placeholder text floated where the sun should have been: [Skybox_Texture_4a_missing].

“This… this is… breathtaking… and terrifying…”


She barely had time to digest everything that happened before a harsh clattering mixed with static shattered the valley’s surrounding beauty. A group of armored soldiers marched over the horizon, shield gleaming. Their armor gleaming but flickering wildly. One moment polished steel, the next a messy texture, then briefly a box of cardboard before reverting back to normal. A large man whose presence instantly drew Yuki’s attention, decorated in many badges and red cape, stepped forward from the group. He was taller than the others, broad-shouldered, with a chiseled jawline and sharp, piercing eyes–though they occasionally glitched, one eye flickered in and out like corrupted textures. His voice rang out with a metallic echo:

“Behold! The–s-ss…ai–nnnn…t!”

“The Saint has desc@3$ed!” another cried.
“She will —ERROR: Undefined_Variable–guide the Hero’s b-bl-blade!”

“W-wait, no! I-I can’t even heal correctly. My whole character ability is glitched!” Yuki waved her arms wildly. 

They ignored her. The captain stepped forward, helmet glitching as it briefly flickered into a traffic cone before snapping back. He knelt, lowering his head.

“Your Holiness, the kingdom–
[World.Map.Capital_Name]--awaits you. The hero prepares even now. Please allow us–to-to–escort you to the capi…tal.!”

Yuki sighed and followed after them. They marched her down the dirt road, NPC villagers blinked into existence on either side. Merchants, fishermen, and whole families appeared from thin air, causing her to flinch. Their faces smiled, but their mouths lagged two seconds behind.

“Saint! …. S-s-s-saaainnt!”
“Saint will [Function_Missing] us all!”
“Our hopes are… %$#rebooting… in you!”

One child ran up and tugged at her robe.
“Saint, will you— [Error: Line 42 Not Found] —save my puppy?”
The puppy in question glitched beside him, shifting between a dog, a loaf of bread, and a spinning cube.

Yuki nearly tripped over it. “Even the children and pets are bugged…”

By the time the capital's colossal gates loomed ahead, she was seating buckets.

"Okay. Deep breath. Step one: survive the fanfare. Step two: find this so-called Hero. Step three: somehow not get deleted for not being holy enough."

The guards lifted their halberds, chanting: 

"Make way! The Saint--st-st-saint--[Null]--- arrived!"
"The Hero's j-j-j-journey b-begins a-anew-anew-anew!"

Trumpets blasted a triumphant fanfare that immediately corrupted into what sounded like a fax machine drowning. Banners unfurled, letter rearranging mid-thread into unreadable gibberish.

As the glitching crowd cheered, Yuki whispered to herself:

"...I was supposed to only be a healer. How the heck did I get promoted to someone worth praising?"

Somewhere in this city, the Hero waited. And Yuki–officially the Saint–had no idea what she was supposed to do.