Chapter 4: Pimple Panic and Other Cosmetic Emergencies

By the fourth morning in our eternal Loch loop—I was armed with triple-strength coffee, my ring light, and a moral obligation to look fabulous no matter the circumstances. Elliot, as usual, had his notebook, some tubes, and an aura of absolute seriousness.

“Today, we must document—” he began, kneeling as if he were about to perform a ritual for the amphibian gods.

“Elliot,” I interrupted, waving my phone like a scepter, “today we’re focusing on me, my content, and how to survive damp grass while looking like an influencer queen. You know, priorities.”

He blinked. “But… observations, baseline measurements, microbial flux—”

“Yes, yes,” I said, scrolling through my feed. “Your calculations are riveting, Elliot. Really. But my followers need engagement. Likes. Comments. Shares. Drama. And you, my dear frenemy, are part of that drama whether you like it or not.”

Hours passed with me narrating Instagram-worthy tips for surviving amphibian-adjacent humidity and how to contour under natural light while Elliot muttered equations about dissolved oxygen, pH levels, and what I assumed was the mating habits of moss. I was three TikTok drafts ahead when it happened.

“Oh no,” I whispered, horror creeping up my spine.

Elliot turned casually inspecting the water sample in his tube. “What is it?” He asked.

I touched his cheek. “You… have a GIGANOURMOUS pimple. A pimple! On your chin! Right in frame for the vlog!”

Elliot raised an eyebrow. “Yes… so?”

“So?!” I shrieked again, spinning like a deranged fashionista. “This is a catastrophe! An absolute travesty! My content—my aesthetic integrity—is compromised! Do you realize how many filters and hashtags I need to overcome this horror?”

He blinked, completely unbothered. “It’s… a small blemish.”

“SMALL?! SMALL?!” I yelled, waving my phone like it was a weapon. “I cannot, will not, and absolutely refuse to feature a granulous geek in my masterpiece! This is social media ethics, Elliot! If I upload this, my followers will literally riot!”

He shrugged, still holding his tube. “I… don’t care.”

I gasped, horror-struck. “You don’t care?! This is an image disaster, a cosmetic catastrophe, a content calamity! Clearly, the only responsible choice is...”

I dug desperately through my bag, tossing ring lights, empty compacts, and half-used mascara tubes aside. “Where is it? Where’s the concealer, the foundation, the sacred powder of my people?!”

A crushing realization hit me: I was out of everything. Absolutely, terrifyingly, mortally out of makeup.

“No! This cannot be! A blemish must not remain unfiltered!” I wailed, pacing the soggy grass. Then, inspiration struck—or what I hoped was inspiration. “Wait. Mud. Mud is natural. Mud is life. Mud is... once I heard it’s good for the skin! A clay mask! Perfect! Nature-approved!”

Elliot tilted his head, confused but compliant. “I… suppose that’s fine?”

I grabbed a handful of damp Loch mud, glancing at him nervously. “Trust me, I watched a tutorial once!” I smeared it generously across his face, concentrating especially on the minuscule GIGANOURMOUS pimple.

Minutes later, Elliot resembled an abstract art project gone horribly, horribly wrong. The mud was everywhere: cheek, chin, forehead… and somehow, inexplicably, dripping into his notebook.

I stepped back, surveying my handiwork. “Okay… maybe a little too avant-garde,” I admitted, horrified at my own creation.

Elliot blinked slowly, completely impassive. “I… feel… fine.”

I blinked. “Fine?! You look like the Loch monster sneezed on you and ran off! The content! The aesthetic! The Instagram story! It’s ruined! Absolutely ruined!”

He looked at me, unbothered. “Then… perhaps we should call it a day.”

I sagged in relief, almost hugging him. “Yes! Finally! The responsible choice!”

And just like that, we packed up—another day of zero monster footage, zero verifiable data, and one experimental mud mask disaster dictating the fate of the expedition.

Day four: halted by acne, sanctioned by mud, and officially ruled by the tyranny of flawless social media standards.