I'm not Sheila

Tatsuya reared back mid-air and roared.

The sound rippled through me until I was sure my ear drums would burst and my muscles would turn to dust. It was like standing right next to a buzzing stage at a wild concert, or rather what I imagined that to feel like. I tightened my grip around a couple of short spikes on his back with a surprised croak to avoid dropping away into oblivion.

None of the flaming arrows hit me and I wasn't too worried about them hitting him. What kind of idiot though they were the right weapon to use against a dragon of all things? He tilted sideways and levelled out before I fell off his back, gliding for several seconds as we both scanned the land below. Moonlight illuminated Aoto's house and garden ahead of us, and I realised I had actually been sitting outside a mansion earlier today.

That's when it occurred to me that the arrows had been no more than a successful distraction.

A huge boulder spun towards us and I flattened myself against Tatsuya's scales as he barely dodged it. Several other rocks shot towards us from somewhere in front of the garden, close to where we would most likely have landed.

“Hold on,” growled Tatsuya before he barrel-rolled out of reach, looping sharply to avoid another wave of arrows.

My stomach heaved and I kept my mouth shut as I was struck by a nausea that outclassed the motion sickness caused by the wagon journey but wasn't quite as bad as the sensation caused by Toshi's superspeed. The voice that tore through my skull seconds ago hadn't belonged to a stranger but was it wasn't Tatsuya's for sure. I couldn't see anyone else in the air with us, though the constant gravity defying movements made it difficult to confirm whether we were alone in the sky with out arrows and stones for company.

I pressed my face in between his massive shoulder blades and alarm pulsed from his core, stinging my skin with its intensity. I wondered how much my presence limited his evasive manoeuvres and considered letting go of the spikes, giving up the future I had almost started to design in this world that half wanted and half despised me. One of us should be able to escape safely at least.

“Don't,” said Tatsuya which the accuracy of a mind reader and the urgency of someone held at gunpoint. “Don't do it, Shizu.”

Had I said something aloud without realising it? Smoke trailed on either side of me and the fresh night air was now polluted with the acrid stench of charred dragon scales, much like the scent of burning rubber tyres left behind a car going over the legal speed limit. My nails scraped against his spikes as one of my feet started to slip and his panic filled my lungs with water. The rushing air dragged even more tears from my eyes and I waited for the attack to end, preferably without anyone dropping like the stones speeding towards us.

Tatsuya's body jolted and he roared again, the sound muffled this time as if he hadn't intended to make such anguished noise. My insides floated upwards as though I was in a rapidly descending elevator and a quick glance revealed he had veered straight into the path of a huge spear, catching it with his right wing. Even the darkness couldn't conceal how completely it had penetrated his forelimb and the how off balance that left him.

“Tatsu!” That voice sounded again from the wrong side of my eardrums, a strong yet desperate cry that left my mind ringing.

But Tatsuya didn't acknowledge it.

“Shizu!” His strangled snarl followed me as I lost my grip and tumbled sideways, rubbing my fingertips raw as I tried to find a handhold on his wounded wing until I reached the end of it.

The next thing I knew, I was plummeting to the ground with only the scattered arrow flames and the sight of Tatsuya's flailing body silhouetted against the moon available to catch my bearings. The same limited lighting illuminated another massive boulder heading straight towards me, followed by a second spear in my companion's direction.

Both were mere seconds away from making contact with their seemingly intended targets when two things happened simultaneously.

I spread out my arms to either side and transformed into a white phoenix. The fabric of my kimono turned into feathers as I spiralled awkwardly towards the dragon I knew I couldn't save, my tiny bird heart crushed by the heavy human emotions it contained.

A fork of purple lightning shot down from the sky, shattering both the spear and the boulder before either one of them could crash into us. Blinded by the sudden light, I flapped my wings and stifled a squawk as I was pelted by scorching debris from the exploding rock. Leaves and branches slowed my descent and scraped my across my feathers while I fell through the deep green canopy below me and bounced off the branch of a nearby tree before I hit the ground.

My surroundings pulsed darkly at the edges of my vision, a familiar experience, only this time I struggled to hold onto consciousness. I couldn't see or hear Tatsuya, nor the voice that had called out his name.

I rolled onto my side and blinked several times until I could make out the shapes of several people dressed in grey and white robes several meters ahead of me. As the quivering air settled in my ears, a solitary figure dressed in darker clothes highlighted by sparks of purple electric walked into my line of sight, blocking their way.

“Hold your fire.” A calm yet frosty voice cut through the shadows of the forest. “And state your name and business.”

“You know who I am, Master Aoto,” said one of the group members as they stepped forward. “We only saw you this afternoon and you know why we're here, do you not?”

“You dare linger on my estate and attack my companion without so much as a warning word?” The purple flashes of electricity around the black haired man increased in both frequency and intensity, his head and body outlined by the glow like a vengeful spectre.

“We have every right to apprehend one who has been accused of harbouring a dangerous criminal,” said the apparent spokesperson. “And to use force in the face of uncooperative behaviour.”

“How can someone be considered uncooperative if their assistance has not been requested in the first place?” Aoto sounded like he was speaking through clenched teeth without it having any impact on the clarity of his voice.

From my position on the ground, I couldn't tell whether either of them knew I was there and I didn't move to ensure I wouldn't catch their attention in any way. The voluntary stillness gave me time to feel each and every sore patch left by the scattered debris, and I wondered if any of my feathers had been burnt away completely. The fall had less of an impact on my small bird form than it would have had on my human body but I was still reminded of the after effects of being hit by a car in my previous life.

“When they run away under the guise of training and make contact with family members of a formerly deceased murderer,” replied the Inquisitor's spokesperson with wicked laughter coiled around his tone. “And guardians who turned their back on their own village years ago.”

“Do you have proof of these accusations?” demanded Aoto. “Enough to warrant such a one sided surprise attack in the dark?”

Something shifted in the bushes closer to me and, before my heart could pop, Tatsuya crept out of them shakily, looking around with frantically widened eyes that made him pause as soon as they landed on me. He stumbled over to my side and leaned over me, his expression a mixture of disbelief and confusion.

“Is that you, Shizu?” he asked under his breath, holding a shaking hand close to my downy plumage.

I almost said yes, instantly and out loud, and wished I had transformed back into my human form before he saw me.

But it was far too late for that now.

“Shizu?” Tatsuya's hands seemed even bigger as they hovered over me, the ache in his eyes reflecting the state in my right side.

Though the branch had slowed my descent and most likely saved my life, the impact hadn't been kind to my bird-thin ribcage. Every breath triggered a sharp pain and I couldn't image trying to stand.

“Was that really you?” he asked softly, ensuring that my neck was supported whilst he picked me up and scanned my limp body. “Can you hear me?”

I blinked and his attention returned to my face, his thumb brushing my cheek.

“Blink again if it's really you,” he said, glancing over his shoulder.

Blood streaked his jawline and the side of his neck but the limited light wasn't enough to reveal the full extent of his injuries. Against the wishes of the warning voice hidden in the back of my mind, I waited for his gaze to return to me, then blinked a second time. His white haired seemed to glow, along with the leaves and tree trunks surrounding us, and his uncertainty gave way to resolution right before everything became too bright. His body moved against me as he stood up and the brightness faded into an absolute darkness that lasted no more than a few seconds.

When I opened my eyes again, I was in a hospital bed.

The woollen texture of the thin blanket beneath my palms. The overwhelming clinical scent that seemed to emanate from everything and everywhere. The light green curtains that formed the cubicle around me. I had seen them all before but I couldn't see anyone else nearby.

Footsteps grew louder upon the speckled grey vinyl flooring right before my mum dragged the curtain aside, her blonde hair twisted up into a neat bun, her pink lips pressed into a line even before she realised I was looking her.

“Oh, you're up?” She stood there with her beige summer jacket folded over one arm. “We should be able to go then. Get up and put your clothes on.”

It felt like it had been years since I last saw her but the chill in her stare only reminded me of the softness of silvery eyes that had welcomed me without the need for words.

“What're you waiting for?” she demanded, pointing at a chair next to the bed. “They're over there.”

“How did you get here?” I croaked.

“I had to take a taxi, of course,” she replied, walking around the bed frame to throw a pair of loose leggings and a T-shirt at me. “I'm going to miss the last part of the presentation, thanks to you.”

Taxi? Presentation? She didn't seemed at all disturbed by Nippo and its varied population as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. Had she died too? Why would she have ended up in the same place as me? Unless …

“Where's Tatsu?” I asked, pushing myself up onto my elbows.

“Who in God's name is Tatsu?” She looked up only briefly from her phone to frown at me. “And will you hurry up? I might still be able to get one of his signed copies if I get back to the event fast enough.”

Her impatience passed through me like icicles fired from a gun but even that couldn't compare to the cramp in my chest caused my her first question.

“Why am I here?” I sat up and pressed a hand to my side. It still ached and I drew in a sharp breath.

“You passed out, remember?” she replied, shaking her head. “The doctor said you must have fallen onto the door handle or something like that. I don't know.”

Her lack of clarity sucked the oxygen and light from the room like a black hole. I leaned forward and tried to breathe properly but everything hurt. The first time my cancer had caused me to faint, I had been about to leave my workplace and a colleague had found me on their own way out of the building that afternoon.

“I told you to take me off your emergency contacts, didn't I?” continued my mother. “They didn't even call your sister so I called her instead. Don't you have her on speed dial – what're you doing?”

She gasped as I reached out and snatched her phone, opening up the camera app. The truth I hadn't wanted to face stared back at me dejectedly through grey-blue eyes curtained by dirty blonde strands and I pressed a hand over my mouth that already felt unfamiliarly puffy against my skin.

“Sheila!” exclaimed my mum. “You'd better not throw my phone.”

The name slammed into my soul like the fist of a revenge-seeking boxer and I tightened my grip around the device. I was back in the real world. Tatsuya wasn't here. Uchi wasn't here. Kohaku and none of the others were here. Somehow I had come back home.

And it felt like the worst punishment in the world.

Until another voice cut through the quiet ward, followed by the constant clacking of heels.

“Is this the right room?” Tina appeared in the gap between the curtains, her wandering eyes landing on my mum first. “Oh my god, there you are. Why'd you make me come all the way here?”

“I wasn't sure how long she was going to take to wake up,” said my mum as she retrieved her phone from me, wiping the screen with the edge of her sleeve. “And they needed one of us here just in case.”

“Just in case what?” My sister finally noticed me, her irritated scowl deepening. “I thought she was dying or something. She looks fine to me.”

I hadn't seen her for a few months. She looked just a little older, less fresh faced than she had been when I asked her what made her interested in my boyfriend, but there were obvious marks on her neck, her face was flushed, and her clothes had clearly been put on in a hurry.

“Yeah, she's up but she's taking years to move.” Putting her phone into her pocket, my mum walked over to Tina and placed a hand on her elbow. “Just stay with her until she's ready to be discharged.”

“Why'd you call me here for nothing?” she whined and my ears began to ring in response to her growing agitation. “Why didn't you call dad instead if you had somewhere else to be?”

“Because, unlike you, he's still got a job,” said my mum.

Her disappointment had my fingers curled in the woollen blanket over my legs. I tried to find a reason to keep breathing and control the darkness that burned like a growing flame from the base of my stomach up towards my throat.

“But you know I'm not allowed to drive for now,” moaned Tina, her bun considerably more messy than our mothers, her grey eyes nowhere near as bright as Toshi's. “And Alec hates doing stuff when he's gaming.”

“It's not like he's got a proper job either,” sniffed my mum. “It shouldn't be long before they discharge her so –”

“– What's going on, Tina?” said Alec as he poked his head around the open curtain. “I thought you said you were just popping in to find out what happened?”

Just when I though the punishment couldn't be worse, my ex-boyfriend turned up to remind me that there were always deeper places to fall into if life hated you enough. The black curls atop on his head were just as shiny as I remembered but I couldn't work out what I had ever found appealing about his face. Especially its lack of movement and the dull creak of his voice sounded like a door in a haunted house compared to the gentle river-like flow of Tatsuya's words.

“I was but now mum's saying we've got to stay until Sheila's –”

“– Get out.” I forced the words out, braced against the wave of surprise that would normally have floored me.

They all looked at me and then at each other as if to confirm that they had heard the same thing.

“What?” said my mum after a taut few seconds.

“I said get out.” I straightened up.

My spine quivered like a bow about to snap and my palms felt like hot irons pressed against my thighs. The scent of smoke wafted upwards but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the people gathered at the end of my hospital bed.

“See I told you she wouldn't want me here,” said Tina, flapping a hand in my direction. “She's still upset that Alec likes me better.”

“It's not like she's going to be here long, Sheila,” said my mum. “The sooner you get dressed, the quicker you can all go back home –”

“– Get. out.” Though the words were heavy, a small fraction of the weight I had been carrying on my shoulders lifted with every letter. “All of you.”

“So you can pass out again and have the hospital call us back here?” snapped my mum. “Not likely. Just do as your told and get discharged properly so this doesn't happen again.”

I tore the woollen blanket free from my lower body, bundled it up with both hands, and threw it at her. A disgustingly weak weapon that would never be able to convey the threat bubbling like magma within me. Red tendrils crept into the corners of my vision. My heart thumped like war drum. My body shook beneath the onslaught of both their emotions and my own.

“Get the hell out of here!” I yelled, loud enough to strain my vocal cords, sudden enough to make them jump. “I don't need you. Any of you.”

“Shei-” My mum's face turned crimson as she caught the blanket, holding onto it as if she didn't know what to do with her hands.

“Sheila,” said Alec. “I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now but you should listen to your mum.”

“Shut up,” I growled. My throat stung as I pointed at him. “And stop calling me that.”

“Stop calling you what?” He raised his hands and took a step back as if my index finger were a hidden gun.

“I'm not listening to you all any more,” I said. Their confusion would have made me laugh if the fire inside hadn't consumed all the oxygen in my lungs and if the heaviness hadn't spread to my head. “And you can stop acting like you know me.

“What're you talking about?” asked Tina, only looking back at me when both our mum and Alec ignored her confusion in the face of their own.

“You don't mean anything to me now,” I told them clearly, coldly, and with a strange certainty. “Because I'm not Sheila.”