21 — Cecilia's Love

He decides to take another look at his room.

He's been sleeping here for exactly one month, and it already feels like home. The gaudy rugs, fancy armchairs, expensive curtains... It really has it all. Even the one-off items were pretty impressive. His bed is large, wide, and fluffy. He owns a full-length mirror and some other unnecessary, but cool, decorations. Like the marble bust of himself on a table, some table candelabras, even a ready supply of several rapiers hanging on the wall. He has been using the same one to familiarize himself with it, but he could switch it out someday. Next to the swords, even a hunting bow is present. He supposes Thaddius pushed him in the past to try to hunt? That's a pretty popular sport amongst nobles, apparently.

Besides all the opulence, this room is... nice.

He really wishes he could spend more time here.

...

And of course, the room being nice isn't the only reason.

He has a misson. The mission that Sunnaria handed to him.

It's been so long since he heard her voice, but he still remembers it clear as day. He needs to kill the demon in the village of Kivul and then he'll go back to his home.

But...

There's so many things in this world that aren't right. The emperor of this country, and what he did to his family... It's pretty unforgivable. The inequality of the country in general. Many people live in shoddy sheds while this palace has expensive ivory and gold, even when it's completely unnecessary.

And even so...

He still wants to return to his home.

Is that selfish?

He wants to become a better person. He's using this experience for that. To be kinder to people and to develop skills. To be useful.

But he can't fix the world by himself.

Even if he fixes this nation, he's sure that other countries have lots of problems as well. He's not about stay here for fifty years, become a dictator who tries to invade everything and crown himself Emperor of the World or something just to fix all the issues with it. That'd be silly.

All he wants to do is to leave this world a better place than it was when he entered it. And he feels like he's on the right track. He was able to improve the lives of Agatha and Anneliese, at least. Not to mention that beating a demon would be a great service to humanity, based on how Sunnaria described them.

He pulls back the drapes surrounding his bed and throws himself into it. The ring does give him more stamina, but he's glad his training ended sooner today. The exhaustion really caught up to him.

He starts to slowly doze off...

And his mind wanders.

He starts seeing... shapes, colors, lights. His ears capture mumbles and murmurs. The sights start to take form, setting a visible scene.

He stands triumphant. On his feet lays the bleeding body of a a bald imp with bat wings. The demon of Kivul. Slain by him. He clears the crimson liquid off his rapier, before sheating it and looking to his sides. Lorelai and Anneliese, smiles on their faces. Anneliese hugs him tight, staring into his eyes and confessing what he already knows.

"I love you!" She says. "Prince Joezand, I love you. I know it's not proper for a maid to—"

He cuts her off with a kiss, and Lorelai would clap and do some teasing cheers.

Sunnaria appears before him, and says he fulfilled his mission. And as such, he'd be able to go back to his world.

He glances at Anneliese at his side. He never had anything like this in his world.

He looks at Sunnaria.

And refuses.

Instead, he asks the goddess for allow him a full life in this world.

She happily grants it. He's become more than her subject in this journey. He's become her friend!

He goes back to the palace. With great effort, he's able to discredit and overthrow Thaddius. All of the family, but especially Agatha and Cecilia, could rest easier. He then rises to the throne on his own time, deciding to sell most of the expensive things in the palace to wealthy foreign merchants and use the capital to improve the lives of the commonfolk. Make sure everyone has enough to eat.

Having done his part, he abdicates. Already older, he decides to abscond from the busy palace and live a quiet life with Anneliese elsewhere, maybe a little cabin in the woods. He'd still let his children try to rise to power if they want, but most of them want to stay with him.

His vision blurs.

Wait, that doesn't make sense. Anneliese told him she didn't like her quiet previous life. She'd never want to go back to anything resembling that.

And simply 'fixing' inequality? He read a single book on economics and that took forever. And although he only met one, he has other siblings! Does he think that they'd simply step aside for him to become the Emperor?

The image starts to crack. He feels a weight on his body. Pressure coming from above.

Overthrowing Thaddius is a huge stretch in the first place. And living a life here? Stealing the original Joezand's life while leaving his Tokyo family and friends behind after being nothing but a nuisance and dead weight? How disgustingly selfish can a single person be?

He can't bring himself to continue living in this convenient lie. His dream breaks, and he's forced awake.

His eyes open, and he's looking at the ceiling.

The pressure he was feeling on his body is still there. He hears heavy breathing.

He looks down and he's met with a face.

The blue eyes stare back at him, as the surrounding pretty face smiles at him. Her own delicate hand swipes a strand of her cascading brown hair off her forehead.

Cecilia.

She somehow crawled into his bed and is now on top of him.

"Joz..." She exhales, looking at him with a blush on her face. "Mother... She told me to stay away from you. B-But I just couldn't." Her hands grab at his shoulders, pulling herself up, her body rubbing against his. "I love you so much, Joezand. I love you so much I can't stand it. I love you so much that I start to burn up like the sun when I think about you."

"W-Why..." Joezand tries to say something, but he clams up. Just like before, he feels paralyzed.

"Shhh..." She puts a finger to his mouth, her manic gaze burning a hole into his scared eyes. "Don't speak. I need this."

Her chest heaves with every breath she takes. He can feel her entire body, all of her curves. Her hands run over his chest and legs, scratching and groping every nook and cranny.

He gulps. His heart beats faster as he feels sweat dropping from his forehead.

His brain is at a million miles an hour.

He can't stop this. He's too afraid.

She moves her head closer, her lips nearly touching his. The ring on his finger glints, glowing brightly.

And it propels him into action.

He quickly puts his hands on her shoulders, pushing her away as she falls next to him on bed.

"STOP!" Joezand screams out, as Cecilia gathers herself. "P-Please, stop. This is not right, Cecilia."

"What do you mean?" She looks at him, tilting her head. "Of course it is right." She tries to grab his arm, but he pulls it away. She furrows her brow. "What's wrong, baby?"

"All of it. This is not normal, Cecilia. You should not be doing this." Joezand says. "Everyone. From royals across all other nations to even our own citizens, they know that relations between family members shouldn't happen. You understand, right?"

"I don't care what other people think, Joz." She says, crawling over to him again. He quickly gets up from the bed, putting some distance between them. "This is how our family is. I just want to share my love for you, baby. Just like we used to do before..."

Oh. That's right.

It's been so long since Lorelai told him, that he'd almost forgot.

What... did the previous Joezand and her did, exactly?

"I-It's still wrong." Joezand says. "We shouldn't do it."

"W-Why not?" She says, her voice wavering. He sees her breathing become ragged. "I just want to show you... I want to show you that I'm the only person that truly loves you, Joz." She tries to paw at him from the bed, but he steps back.

"T-The... The curse." Joezand says. "The curse of von Styria. It isn't some supernatural thing or really a curse at all. It's the consequences. Of consanguineous parents and inbred children." He explains. "Do you really, really love me?"

"Of course I do! I love you so much it hurts."

"Then you won't do this. You'll find another way to share your love." He argues. "I was a victim of the curse, too. After losing my memories, I was so scared. So afraid. And I couldn't bear it. Incest is the real source of the curse. This... what you're doing right now... It's perpetuating a very bad thing!"

He takes a deep breath.

This is the best he can do.

He sees as she looks down, her expression pensive and her eyes downcast.

He thinks he did a pretty good job. What she's doing is hurting him, so if she loves him, she has to stop. It's really an airtight argument.

She looks at him, her eyes slightly teary. He sees her pupils dilating.

"I-If you're telling the truth, then I'll... I'll try to find another way. Another way for us to share our love. B-But first..." She stares at his eyes. "For me to believe it... I need to hear you say it."

"Uhm... what?"

"Joz, baby... Do you love me?" Her tears stream down her face. "Do you really, truly love your mother? I-I know it's been a long time, and I'm not the prettiest anymore, and my personality is just the worst, but I need to hear you say it..."

Hm.

He can just lie about it, right?

He doesn't love her.

He pities her, but it isn't love. Maybe the real Joezand did. Or maybe the real Joezand didn't.

Either way, he opens his mouth.

And he hesitates.

She starts to cry harder.

"I knew it! You're just lying to me!" She grabs her face with her hands, sobbing loudly. "You don't want my love because you hate me!"

"N-No, that's not it!" He comes closer. "I, uhm, love you... Mom. I do!" He reaches a hand towards her.

"SHUT UP!" She claws at his arm, grabbing it. He frees himself, but his forearm is scratched as it starts to bleed. "Shut your mouth! You hate me, don't you? That's why you won't take my love!"

"N-No, that's not it—"

"LIAR!" She screams, getting up from the bed. "I knew it. My own son hates me..." She murmurs through tears, pacing through the room. "I'm not worthy of love from anyone, anyway. Not from daddy, not from mommy, not from Joz... They all hate me."

"I don't hate you, Cecilia! I just told you—"

"STOP TALKING TO ME!" She takes the marble bust on the table and throws it at him. The ring shines and he's able to barely avoid it, jumping to the side. It's cracks as it hits the floor and the pieces fly across his room. "If you hate me, then leave me alone! Do you want me to suffer, is that it? Is that why you continue to lie?!"

What's going on?

He thought he did so well. But she suddenly started throwing a tantrum.

How stunted was her emotional development, really?

He opens his mouth to reply, but he decides to stay silent. Anything he says is only going to make things worse. She falls to her knees, crying.

"D-Don't talk to me again..." She says with a wavering voice. "If you hate me so much, if I'm so awful... Just leave me to rot." She gets up, wiping her eyes as she runs out of the room.

Getting close to the door, he sees that his lock was broken in by her.

And he... failed. He tried to reason with her, but he failed. And it feels awful, because he knows it's not really her fault that she is like this. Thaddius really...

He sighs.

He has a duel tomorrow, he should focus on that.

He bandages his arm and puts a chair behind his door before going to sleep.