The Library Up On Melancholy Hill

Have you ever flown on a dragon before?

Neither have I.

Kaizo, Lady Evelyn’s prince charming, held a grudge against me for putting a sword to his woman’s neck. He carried me in his claws, whilst the ladies rode first class on his back.

As we climbed into the air, my compass’ needle began to drop lower. We soared above the clouds, getting wet in the process. The magical compass now pointed north-west. I indicated this to the dragon-man.

He responded by dropping me.

I nearly fell back through the clouds, but he swooped in and caught me by the leg.

“Ow!” I screamed. This wasn’t a movie; my leg felt like it was about to tear off. The dragon merely snorted. Personally, I was terrified. Here I dangled upside down, closer to space than the ground.

***

Up in the distance; a large, purple, floating sphere. Upon closer inspection… was it a planet… within a planet?

Kaizo began to wobble. I closed my eyes and prayed that he wouldn’t drop me. He tossed me onto the floating orb and crash-landed. The women shrieked. Kaizo quickly morphed back into human form and ran to check if they were alright.

Thanks for the concern, asshole, I thought, as I lay there in agony.

“It felt like this thing was sucking me in! It must be magical,” he proclaimed.

It’s definitely unusual and probably breaks a few laws of physics…But that’s just gravity, I thought, standing up. I looked around. The planet was deserted, safe for a small, pink house not too far away.

“Is that the library?” Erin asked.

I glanced down at my compass. It pointed straight at the building. “I guess,” I shrugged.

It only took us two minutes to walk to the library. It stood on a well-kept lawn. Flowers adorned the stone path leading up to the front door. Two flowerpots stood guard at the entrance. Someone clearly lived here. I knocked on the wooden door. A few seconds later, it cracked open.

“V-visitors?” I heard a voice ask. The door flung open. There, in the entrance, stood a chubby, waist-high man. He wore a flat cap, sunglasses and black and red robes. Oh, and his skin was light blue. He nervously rubbed his hands together. “You’re not the tax man, are you?” he asked.

“Excuse me?” I responded in utter bewilderment.

“I came all the way here to avoid paying them,” the humanoid elaborated. Then, he cried with laughter. It sounded forced. “I’ve been waiting since forever to tell that joke! Did you like it?” he asked.

We stared at him blankly. He deflated.

“It was so funny, we forgot to laugh,” said Kaizo, sarcastically.

The blue creature lit up. “Really? Wow, what a compliment! I didn’t even know that was possible!” he exclaimed, earnestly. “Please, come inside!”

We entered. Part of me had expected magic. I’d thought, surely the inside is going to be impossibly big compared to the outside. It wasn’t. Upon entry, there was a kitchenette to our left, a dining table near it, and a small bed in the right-hand corner. At the very back, was a single, weathered armchair. In front of it, was a square, wooden coffee table.

“Where does that door lead to?” Erin asked, pointing at a wooden door to our right.

“The bathroom. Do you need to poop?” the thing asked.

Erin’s face flushed in embarrassment. “No, and I’ve never needed to in my life,” she replied.

“Sorry, who exactly are you?” I asked.

“I am the owner of this house! My first name is Albert, and… I have no last name,” he answered, as if disappointed by this fact. “Do you want anything to eat or drink?” he offered.

“Yeah, I could eat something,” Erin said.

Albert shuffled outside. He returned with a handful of flowers that he’d clearly just unrooted from the flowerbed. “This is all I have,” he said.

Who cursed you?

“Uh… no thanks,” said Erin, waving her hands in front of her face.

Albert took a bite out of his flowers and began munching. “So, I imagine you’re here for the library, aren’t you?” he guessed between bites.

“That’s right. Where is it?” I pressed.

Albert gestured haphazardly. “You’re in it,” he informed me. “What do you want to read?”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Is this a joke?” asked Kaizo, angrily. “I didn’t fly all this way- holding onto this scumbag- to be jerked around!”

I’d seen enough weirdness to trust that this little alien was telling the truth. I dug through my backpack. “Albert, do you know what this is?” I asked, handing him the contract between Mr. Matsumoto and Allister Twain.

Albert gingerly took it and examined it. “A contract?” he suggested.

“Yes, Albert, it’s a contract,” I sighed. “But not just any contract. You see, everyone we know who has signed off on these things, has reportedly vanished into thin air. That’s what we’re here to investigate,” I explained.

“In other words, you need all the non-fiction literature written about contracts that make people disappear?” he inferred.

“Exactly. So, what have you got for me, you beautiful, blue bastard?”

Albert’s face flushed red. “Wow, you think I’m funny and beautiful? Well, then! Just for you, my favourite customers, I have this…”

He snapped his fingers. Two notebooks stacked on top of a folded-up parchment paper appeared on the coffee table.

I paused. “I’m sorry, is that it?” I asked.

“Indeed!” Albert replied.

I sat down in the armchair and picked up the first book.

“What do we do in the meantime?” Lady Evelyn asked.

Albert snapped his fingers and made three more armchairs appear. “You take a seat and read whatever you want!” he said.

Are you a god?

The name “Haoru Sono” was sloppily yet proudly written in black ink on the cover of the notebook. I opened it up and began reading.

“Dear diary!

I am TIERD of Percy Longnose from down the street. He doesnt know that I have a secrit wepun. Here is my revenj plan against that long nose freek:

Right contract teling him he has to give me ol of his munee

Make a bet (joking!) that he cant beet me at cards wen he axepts, maik him sine contract!!

Cheat at cards

He has to give me ol of his munee!!!

Note. but how do I cheat at cards?”

I flipped through the diary. It detailed the daily life of a very odd and childish man, who seemed to spite everyone around him. The spelling and penmanship improved in leaps, indicating drastic time gaps between certain entries. With every leap, Haoru Sono appeared to improve as a person. Near the end of the book, I reached the only other relevant entry:

“Dear diary.

It’s been two years since I last wrote. My literacy has improved remarkably, though I myself have not been well. After my sixteenth birthday, I convinced Percy Winton to sign the contract. It stipulated that, in the event of his defeat; he would be obligated to hand me every penny he owns within the following seven days. He signed off with humour, but only on the condition that I do the same, should I lose.

I didn’t lose. I successfully rigged our card game and won every round. Percy laughed off his defeat and walked away.

A week later, he went missing. His parents explained that, whilst lunching with them… he simply disappeared. “From one blink to the next,” they’d said.

I know the contract is responsible. I know that I am responsible. I wish I could take it back. It’s been six years since then. Not a day goes by where I don’t wonder what happened to that mischievous boy.”

It was the last entry. A haunting finale to a strange tale, but nothing I didn’t already know. Maybe I’d have better luck with the next notebook? It was thin, beige and nondescript. I opened it up and read the inside cover.

“Property of Allister Twain.”