Go to sleep

“Sleep…”

A raspy, manly voice speaks slowly.

“Wake up…”

A soft, womanly voice speaks slowly.

“Sleep…”

“Wake up…”

They repeat themselves; with each repetition the tone grows firmer and louder.

“Sleep…”

“Wake up…”

“Sleep.”

“Wake up.”

“SLEEP!”

“WAKE UP!”

My eyes shot open, and I’m looking straight to the celling.
I look around, I’m in my room. The same old room I woke up pretty much every day of my life.

I reach for my phone on my headstand, and as soon as I pick it up that oh, so familiar electronic chime starts to ring, and my stomach just drops.

It’s my alarm going off before I can even look at the time.

(Great, waking up right before the alarm rings is the worst.)

Sitting on my bed I looked out the window.
It’s cloudy.

I’ve been having this weird dream for the past few nights.
With these two voices telling me to “Sleep” and to “Wake up”.
I mean… I say I’ve been having this dream, but I don’t think I can even call it a dream to begin with. I don’t really remember anything once I wake up anyways.

When I try to recall it, it’s just black the entire night, and the two voices at the end right when I’m about to wake up.

But every morning leaves me with this weird feeling deep inside my gut.

Like, it wasn’t really a dream. It feels more like these two voices were arguing right here in my room with me, instead of something my head came up with.

But every morning I don’t have the time to think about it too deeply. Because here it comes. This feeling of dread makes me want to curl into a ball and hide under my covers.

I can feel it coming.

That oh, so familiar electronic chime stars ringing again.

My second alarm. Times up.

“I don’t wanna go to school…”

The same old routine begins.

I wash my face, put on my uniform, and head downstairs to the kitchen.

My dad has already left for work. My mom started washing the dishes and my brother is getting his bag ready.

He gets up as soon as I sit down to eat, puts on his shoes and rushes out.

“Sorry Aki-Nii, I’m late. Bye mom, I’m heading out.”

He runs outside. Where does he get that energy to go to school?

“Would it kill you to wake up a little earlier to eat breakfast with us? It would also be nice if you would go to school together with your little brother.”

My mom nags.

“He’s got club activities early on in the morning and a bunch of friends, he doesn’t need his big brother to walk him to school.”

I start eating a piece of toast.

“Plus, I’m not in a hurry.”

My mom stops with the dishes and speaks with a stern voice.

“Hasegawa Akihiko!”

I nearly choke on my food with the change in tone.

“Maybe you should start hurrying then. You’re already in your third year of high school but you are in no clubs, I haven’t seen you hanging out with any friends and your school called about your career plan. You left it blank again, didn’t you?”

Dang it, this is the last thing I wanted to talk about so early in the morning.

“I’m worried about you. You have to take action. You can’t just let life pass by and not do anything!”

“Okay mom, I get it! Like I said, I’m not in a hurry. Plus, there’s nothing I want to do right now anyways, what difference does it make if I wait until I graduate to start thinking about.”

(There goes my appetite.)

I get up, put on my shoes and get ready to leave.

“Where are you going?!”

“To school early! This is what you wanted right?”

“Aki, that’s not what I mea…”

I close the front door behind me.
There goes my morning.

I got a little over an hour before my first class starts. No way I’m going back inside, and I really don’t feel like being the first in the classroom, I’m not even on duty this week.

I’ll just kill time taking the long way to school today. Passing in front of that pre-school that’s close by.

Damn it. What’s so wrong with just taking it easy? It is my last year of high school; I’m already stressed enough with midterms and collage exams.

My grades are decent, and as a student my duty is first and foremost to study. So, what if I don’t have any friends. So, what if my classmates don’t speak to me? When I try to join in the conversation, they just give me those looks. They ignore me and I ignore them. So, what if they don’t ask me to hang out? So, what if I don’t go to any clubs? I like to go home early, play games alone, and read manga. Alone.

It's not my problem that the things I like to do don’t aren’t as well received in society like a sport, art or something that will lend me a job!

Damn it. Stop it. Don’t think about that. Stop thinking about that.

Today is Friday, I just got to make through today and I can just relax and play games the entire weekend.

I went to school and studied for five straight days, my grades are decent, I deserve this rest.

Yeah, let’s go with that…

I finally look up from the ground and pay attention to my surroundings.

Theres so many kids going to school. I never noticed this before.

I don’t know if it’s the earlier time, the different route or just me not having to go to school in a hurry but this morning feels different than the other ones.

As I get closer to the pre-school gate, I watch as a bunch of kids wait their turn to cross the street to get inside. Looks like one of the teachers is there looking over them too.

The cars all stop at the traffic light, and the kids begin crossing, except for one of them, a young boy.

I hear the sound of a motorcycle growing closer.

What’s that one kid doing? Did he drop something? He’s getting left behind.

The kids reach the teacher, and she stops paying attention to the road. There’s still one kid left, you know?

The sound of that motorcycle grows louder. I can barely see it; it’s swerving between the stopped cars. That’s… Dangerous. Really dangerous.

The kid looks up and just notices he got left behind and makes a run for the street.

(Wait stupid kid, pay attention. That bike isn’t stopping at all.)

The boy is too small to be seen over the cars.

The teacher has her back to the street. She’s just looking at the kids who have already finished crossing.

(Pay attention, you idiot. There’s one kid left. What are you doing?)

The kid’s running, no ones paying attention, the motorcycle isn’t stopping.
It’s too late. He’s going to get hit. There’s barely time to blink.

There’s a loud crashing sound and as I open my eyes, I’m on the ground.

Wait, what?

(What happened?)

I’m on the street with the boy wrapped around my arms.

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. I try to take a breath, but the air isn’t coming into my lungs.

My back is on fire.

The teacher is running towards us, and the boy slowly stands up. She’s saying something but I can’t hear what. Her voice is so low.

There’s this stupid ringing in my ear too.

(What’s happening?)

I start to shiver. Why am I so cold? Did it start to rain? It looks like I’m on top of a puddle of some liquid.

My back is burning, I can’t breathe. I’m starting to get dizzy.

The teacher is hugging the boy. He’s looking directly at me. Both have tears in their eyes.

(What’s going on?!)

“Oh…”

(I’m dying.)

I’m so sleepy right now. There hasn’t even been a full hour since I woke up, but I’m so sleepy. I never had so much trouble keeping my eyes open before.

“Sleep…”

A raspy, manly voice speaks slowly.

I didn’t get to see my dad today.
I didn’t get to say a word to my brother today.
I didn’t get to say I’m heading out to my mom today.

“Sleep.”

I’m just the worst, aren’t I?

“Go. To. Sleep.”

The manly voice continues.

I close my eyes and the darkness takes me.
I feel like I’m sinking.

I guess this is it…

“No.”

A soft, womanly voice speaks with a stern voice.

“This isn’t it. Not yet.”

It’s like she’s speaking directly to me.

“It’s time for you to wake up.”