Wilderness Battle! Thief vs Conrad

Greetings my friends, you’re probably wondering what you’re good old pal Thief is up to. Well to be honest with you-

“You know, for someone who talks a big game, you’re pretty good at running!”

This guy is way too energetic, I’ve been on the receiving end all battle. Right now I’m pulling him away from the base, as well as finding cover. That said, let’s take a look behind me.

“...Good he’s gone, let’s take a much needed break.”

I put my back against a small tree, I’m so glad I managed to out run this guy. However, right when I thought it was over, I felt that chill again. I jumped away from the tree, only for a blade to come piercing through its thin base.

“Damn, I almost had you. No matter, let’s keep going!”

This guy is insane, I didn’t even notice he was there. Just how the hell do I beat this guy!

“You know, if you give up now, I just might spare you a long and grueling demise.”

“What!”

“Let me tell you a good secret, I might not have the strength that Marco had or the speed that girl Raine has. However, I make up for it with stamina! When it comes to battles of attrition, I’m always the last standing!”

“Oh you don’t say...:”

No wonder he has so much energy, damn this is gonna be harder than I thought. Wait a moment, maybe I can use this to my advantage. I began running off again.

“Leaving so soon, how many times do i need to tell you. This isn’t going to work!”

“Let’s test this stamina of yours!”

“What!?!”

I began climbing up a tree, that loser Conrad just watched me from down there.

“Well aren’t you going to follow me?”

“You dirty squirrel! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!”

“Nope! Oh look right there, an apple!”

Apples are perfect for me to regain stamina and energy, their like my power up item or something. On top of the fact that Rat taught me a couple of things about climbing trees, Conrad can’t help but stand there pissed off.

“You scoundrel, don’t make me come up there!”

“Then do it!”

“Wha-”

“You heard me!”

That’s my plan, I’m gonna burn out his stamina by having him climb up trees. He probably can’t catch his breath so easily since he’s got such a big tank. This might be my only option to win, was what I thought until this guy shot down my plans.

“Dammit, if only I knew how to climb!”

“Huh?”

Crap, this guy can’t climb up here. If he can’t climb then he won’t waste his stamina like I planned, things aren’t going well here. Wait, this is perfect! All I need to do is relax up here and wait for him to leave. Ha! I guess Crokus Von Doofus over here is a one trick pony. As I laughed to myself about this guys predicament, I felt the tree on was on begin to move.

“What the-”

“I’M NOT DONE YET!”

This guy, he’s shoulder bashing the tree repeatedly. That works in my favor, his arms will tire out eventually. Was what I thought, until I heard a snap! The branch I was on began to give way.

“CRAP!”

“SAY YOUR PRAYERS!”

The branch broke off the tree and fell to meet that guys sword on the bottom.

“Finally, I got- WAIT! Where is he!”

“*Phew* That was close.”

Rat also taught me how to jump between trees two, I jumped to another tree right before the branch broke.

“So, what was your plan again?”

“Don’t mock me!”

Just like that, our game of cat and mouse evolved. Conrad would ram into the tree I was on and i would escape to the next. Pound and jump, pound and jump, pound and jump! We kept it going on repeat, and after a while Conrad began to show signs.

“Ow, Damn i got a splinter that time!”

“Aaaawwww, what’s wrong? Mommy’s whittle man got a boo boo?”

“Bastard! I SAID DON’T MOCK ME!”

He can’t deny it, his arms are trembling now! Not only that, but his breaths are getting a bit longer. I’m finally backing him into a corner. It’s almost time to go for the kill, however right when I thought that, I heard something down below.

*Clink* *Clink* *Clink*

“What the hell is that?”

I keep hearing the sound of something hitting against something down below. Uh oh, now I’m starting to feel it. Don’t tell me! I look down to see this mad man using his sword as an axe to cut down the tree I’m on.

“WHAT THE HELL!”

“Oh, so you’ve noticed my little project*clink*.”

“You’re insane if you think that’ll work!”

What is this guy thinking? He’s tired and on top of that I can just jump to another tree. However this guy had more to say.

“*Clink*Heh, tell me something. Didn't you find it odd *Clink* how I rammed the tree in certain directions!”

“What does that have to do with anything!”

“*Clink* Fool! Every time I rammed the tree a certain way, you jumped to the tree in the opposite direction. Now tell me, where are you now!”

“What are you-!!!!”

Dammit, he got me! Currently I’m in a tree that is too far a jump for any others. The branch from the last tree I was on snapped off, I currently have no other trees to jump to. He could ram it like before and I’d just fall off, but if this tree came down with me. Especially if it fell on top of me, I’d get squashed hands down.

“Wait, think about what you’re doing! Your stamina is burning away, you won’t last long at this rate!”

“*Huff huff* You think I care about how much stamina I have left?”

“What…?”

“*Huff* Right now…*Clink* The only thing…*huff Clink*...I care about…*Clink Clink*...IS TAKING YOU DOWN!”

This guy is crazy, crap this is bad! I gotta buy some time somehow before.

“THIS IS IT!”

Just then I felt the whole tree begin to move, no way this little bastard actually did it. Oh god I’m dead. The tree began to tip over, the the direction facing me.

“TIMBER!!!!!!”

“OH SHI-”

*Crash!*

*****

“What was that rumbling just now?”

“DAMN IT MORTY PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS! WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS!”

The knights were panicking due to the return of the Great Spirit’s mist, Don especially wasn’t too thrilled about this.

“Gods, please don’t do this to me! I know I’ll pray… Wait! What god can save me from this?”

“Might I recommend-”

“Rudolph, I’M ABOUT TO PUNT YOU IN THE BALLS IF YOU COME NEAR ME AGAIN!”

“You’re so mean to me.”

Don personally hated Rudolph for the situation he was in, however the voice they began to hear didn’t help.

“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“WHO THE F***!”

“IT IS I THE GREAT TREE SPIRIT!”

“Don’t you mean, the Great Forest-”

“He’s my brother, HE ASKED ME TO TURN SOME FOOLS INTO TREES!”

“DAMN YOU MORTY! YOU KEEP ASKING TOO MUCH QUESTIONS!”

Don’s hatred for Rudolph wasn’t as bad compared to Samuel’s Disdain for Mortimer. Samuel especially hates men that can’t carry their weight. Mortimer being more of an intellectual instead of a fighter made him an easy target for him. Especially, since he blames Mortimer’s curiosity for their predicament. Don’s panic didn’t make things any better.

“Oh god, my throat is going numb. S***, the TREE-IFICATION IS GETTING WORSE! GODS!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“MATERRRRRRRIIIIIIAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“NOT YOUR’S RUDOLPH!!!!!!”

“FOOLS THERE IS NO SAVING YOU, BEHOLD MY POWER!”

Out of nowhere, something came flying in and smashed against the tree closest to Don.

“WHAT WAS THAT!”

“Look at the tree there.”

The Great Tree Spirit recommended that the knights look at the tree he just hit, the men were shocked to see a strange liquid splashed on the tree. Terry couldn’t help but ask.

“What is that stuff?”

“My special mold and grow, one drop will cause mold to grow on your skin. Enjoy that beautiful face of yours while you can.”

“My face, what do you- OH MY GOD!”

Philip realized some of the liquid touched his face, he began screaming until he fainted. Everyone broke into a frenzy at that point.

“GODS WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!”

“I WANNA GO HOME”

“MATERIA SAVE ME! MMATTTTTEEEERRRRRIIIIIAAAA!!!!!”

“This is ridiculous.”

“Wait, I have an idea!”

Don, Terry, and Rudolph began losing it, while Philip laid there foaming at the mouth. Mortimer was getting fed up with the situation and Samuel started to get some ideas.

“Hey Great Tree Whatever, are you willing to take sacrifices so we can live.”

“Oh, do you have something to offer?”

“Wait, don’t tell me!?!”

“Yeah Morty, THIS GUY GREAT SPIRIT! TAKE THIS PRICK AND LET US GO FREE!”

Mortimer was beyond furious with this stunt, to use him in an attempt to save himself. If they got out of this, Mortimer was going to have a few words with Samuel.

“SAMUEL, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!”

“SAYS YOU, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

“Look, the only one who deserves to be sacrificed is Rudolph-”

“NOOOOOOO!!!!! MATTTEEERRRIIIIAAAA, SAVE MEEEE!!!!!!!!!”

Rudolph was the next to faint, along with peeing himself as he did so. Don followed suit, thus leaving Terry, Samuel, and Mortimer to deal with this situation. The Great Tree Spirit threw out more of his concoction to hit the trees surrounding the knights. That’s when Terry noticed something.

“Uh guys-”

“What is it Terry!”

“Yeah sleepy, what do you want?”

Clearly Mortimer and Samuel didn’t want to talk, but Terry had to let them know.

“Doesn’t the air seem weird, or rather the smell at least.”

“The smell...S***! Cover your mouths you two, we’ve been had!”

“What!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! Looks like the gig is up!”

Mortimer tore off a piece of cloak he wore over his armor, he then wrapped it around his mouth. Terry, understanding the situation, put his helmet back on. As for Samuel, he just stood their frozen.

“What the hell are you tw-”

Before he could finish, he fell on one knee. He couldn’t help but voice his frustration.

“The hell is this!”

“This mist is a nerve toxin, that’s why the others are fainted and convulsing.”

“WHAT!”

*clap clap*

The trio heard clapping from amongst the trees, but they couldn’t tell where the clapping came from exactly. That’s when the mastermind revealed himself to his victims.

“Truth be told, that Forest Spirit stuff was all bulls***! My real name is Rat, thanks for falling for my prank you guys, hehehehe!”

“You’ve got to be s***ting me!”

“Prank, you call this a prank! Three of our own are convulsing, and one of our members is missing!”

“That’s a real shame, but I gotta wrap things up.”

“What are you planning?”

The air was tense and not because of the nerve toxin. Terry was scared, Samuel was starting to slowly succumb, and Mortimer was barely grasping hold of the situation because the toxins were starting to hinder him as well.

“You see, what I threw at those trees before was a very special kind of oil.

“Oil?”

“Yeah, I wonder what will happen if it gets lit?”

“If it gets-Oh no!”

Mortimer signaled to Terry to look for their assailant, that’s when Samuel began pointing. That’s when they saw him standing in a tree above them, and Rat had the biggest smirk on his face. Rat pulled out a bomb from his pouch and light it with a match. The trio watched in horror as he threw the bomb and jumped away. All Mortimer and the others could do was attempt to drag their friends away, right as the bomb hit the point of impact. At that moment, right when the bomb hit, Rat only had this to say.

“Boom Baby!”

****

Well aren’t I lucky. Right when I was falling I saw a cushion bush, the proper term is a flushgata plant. There surprisingly squishy and absorb impacts well, Rat taught me to use them to cushion my fall. So I put that training to good use.

“*Phew* I guess karma is on my side after all, sweet there even some berries here. Tell me, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME SIR DOOFUS!”

“DAMN YOU!!!!!”

I tossed the berries I found at Conrad’s face, he began to flail around hitting nothing but air. Man this couldn’t be any more perfect. Conrad’s breathing like a beaten horse, and on top of that his lumberjack stunt damaged his sword. Both the weapon and master won’t hold up for long.

“Dammit, this wasn’t supposed to happen!”

“Told you this would barely be an excerpt in my story.”

“Damn you, would you just-”

*BOOM*

“What was that!”

“I guess Rat finished his mission.”

This guy looked confused the moment he heard me say that, then he looked horrified. I guess he remembered he had friends.

“No way, don’t tell me…!”

“Don’t worry, you’ll join them soon.”

“You bastard!”

I began to unwrap the splint on my right hand, in case I need my little surprise. Conrad lunged at me in anger, but due to his exhaustion I dodged him with ease. He swung at me again and again, but I kept dodging everything he threw at me. As this happens, the fire that Rat started begins reaching over here. Perhaps it was too effective, hopefully the clouds meant it when they showed rain patterns. Conrad began to breathe heavier, probably due to the smell of smoke coming closer to us. Once Conrad smelled that smoke, he squeezed his eyes closed. I guess he still can’t fathom that his friends are dead.

“Aaawww, what’s wrong buddy? Sad that your grandstanding got your friends killed?”

“SHUT UP!”

Conrad began running towards me with he sword overhead, this was my chance. I squat down, and the moment Conrad swung his sword down, I sprung up with my knife in hand. I used my knife to clash with his sword, and due to the damage it suffered the blade snapped easily.

“What!?!”

“I guess your grand adventure ends here!”

With his sword broken, I ride the wave and aim my knife for his neck. However, Conrad was a fighter and he parried my knife with his broken sword. The knife in my left hand flew towards the ground, and this bastard started smirking immediately.

“So much for my grand adventure ending, don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get a good mention in the few sentences I dedicate to you!”

Conrad smiled as he aimed his shank at my heart, however I used the momentum of my knife getting knocked out my hand to move out the way. With me out of harms way, my right hand was in the perfect position.

“You aimed for the wrong hand.”

“Wha-!”

Before Conrad could finish his sentence or even react, my miniature crossbow gave its last shot! Before walking down here Rat and I were able to fix my crossbow, however it would only have one last shot and the distance was limited. That said, I used Jasmine’s throwing knife as ammo and held my right hand in position for when I’d need to shoot. It was hard dodging this guy and making sure not to shoot myself, but it all worked out in the end. As for our little friend…

“*Huff huff* N-No! Dammit! My eye, MY RIGHT EYE!”

“Told you, you aimed at the wrong arm!”

“YOU SICK SON OF A-”

Before he could finish, I grabbed Jasmine’s knife that was still lodged in his eye and kicked him away. Surprised his eye didn’t come out with the knife, the wound is still deep though. The poor bastard started vomiting from the pain, can’t help but pity him now. It’s like he’s a puppy, a scraffy one at that.

“You piece of s***! How dare you! I’m supposed to be the victor here, the one missing an eye should be you!”

“Hey, that injury is gonna be a gnarly scar eventually. You should thank me for the chick magnet!”

Damn you! Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you Damn you DAMN YYYOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Hey, you’re the one that came in swinging saying I would be the first page of your legend. You have no right to act this way because your opponent bested you. On top of that, the loser has no right to start annoying the winner.”

“You haven’t won anything yet, I’m still alive! Meaning I can still fig-”

“Wrong, I’m allowing you to breathe your last few breaths of air. You know what that means sport, it means CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!!!”

I punch the prick in his only good eye, sending him in a daze and tumbling onto his back. It’s kinda embarrassing, the fool started crying too. This is just pathetic, well time to end him. I walk over and stand over him, knife in hand. Finally it’s time for my first hands on kill. However, right before I could cave his head in.

“GET AWAY FROM HIM!”

An entity wrapped in flames lunged at me, damn near scared the s*** outta me. I jumped back and the flame on the guy died down. I was one of this guys comrades, he pulled off his helmet to show some guy with glasses.

“Mor-Morty…”

“Save your breath Conrad, We need to go. These maniacs started a forest fire, the others are on their way out. I gotta thank Terry again for lending me water and his helmet.”

Water, I see he doused his clothes before running into the flames. The heat took a lot out of him though, I should be able to take him. Was what I initially thought, but fate had other plans.

“Hey Thief, the job’s done. Let’s go!”

“WHAT! But I didn’t get my first kill yet!”

“You really want to take your first life here?”

“Uh, well-”

“Are annoying guys like these worth all that trouble?”

Rat had a point, they were worn out and the fire was burning. It should be fine to let nature run its course.

“Good point, alright maggots! I’ll let the fire finish you off! Oh and Conrad if you live, make sure to thank me for your new look!”

“Y-You Bastard! Don’t you dare walk away from me! You won’t get away with this!”

Yet I did start walking away, and I did get away with it. Feels good getting one over on these annoying knights. I wonder if I’ll ever see them again

“Nah, I doubt it.”

“Doubt what?”

“That we’ll see these idiots again.”

“Yeah, true that!”

****

The flames bellowed in the forest, Mortimer protecting Conrad from the flames as they made their way out.

“Let me go, I nee-Need to go back.”

“Conrad, you’re in no shape to do anything right now.”

“SHUT UP, I SAID LET ME GO!”

Conrad broke free and tried to run back towards where Thief and Rat walked off, Mortimer yelling for him to stop. However, before he could go far enough he tripped and fell over. Conrad picked himself up only to vomit again due to the searing heat and the pain of his wound. Before fainting he only had this to say.

“This isn’t over…you hear me! Forget about my grand story, right now...All I want, IS TO KILL YOU!”

As if that was the last of his strength, Conrad fell flat on his face. Leaving Mortimer to carry him back to their comrades and all the way back to camp.