The Egotistic Knight and his tired companions

Well isn’t this just Fan-F***ing-Tastic! One of those little buggers stayed behind, and to make matters worse my right hand is still healing. Right now isn’t the best time to fight at all, maybe I should run for it? No, this guy is the bloodhound of his group, he’ll most likely chase after me. Maybe I should dive into the gas to lure him back in, and hopefully the effects will hit him faster than they would me. It’s a risky gamble, but that's all I can really do right now.

“Before you attempt to dive into that mist gas you threw out there, let me make it clear that I won’t follow you in there. If you want to get affected by your own poisons, then be my guest! Oh, and by the way, I also made sure to hold my breath as much as possible when that poison began to roll in. I’m practically unaffected!”

You got to be kidding me, dammit! Now I’m starting to wish Rat stayed behind, but he needs to continue the plan. I guess karma isn’t always on my side now is it. Right as I thought that, the orange haired Knight began laughing at the situation.

“HAHA! I knew you bastards were still hiding out here! Captain Goltas will be overjoyed! I’m gonna break your skull i-Wait! This is the time to milk the profits! Tell me where are your friends, or better yet where is Fort Lenora!”

Crap! This guy is dangerous, I can’t let him know about the others or reach the fort. Especially since it’s a 20 minute walk from here. As I ponder for a way out of this situation, my loud mouthed adversary continues his rant.

“Man, this is the best! If everything goes well I might even get a promotion! Hey bandit trash I gave you a good deal didn’t I, why don’t you say something?”

“What!”

“Yikes, what you got a problem with me addressing trash as trash! Moreover, this is an opportunity of a lifetime! You’re gonna be the first page of my legend, do you really want to be called “The Nameless Bandit That Got Torn To Shreds By Our Hero!” Does that sound good to you?”

“Bulls***!”

“That’s what I thought, so why don’t you help me instead. You could be “The Cowardly Bandit That Sold Out His Team!” or “The Helpful Bandit That Aided Our Hero!” well how about it?”

“...heh.”

“What’s so funny?”

“The fact that you think I’d help your sorry ass, not to mention, you forgot something.”

“And what would that be?”

“What happens to me after I suit my role?”

The knight looked puzzled for a moment, and soon a smile was plastered on his face.

“I’m glad you understand your role in all this, after all why should a bandit be given justice.”

There was never any out of this, this guy is planning to kill me no matter what. That only leaves me with one option.

“It seems you’re forgetting something.”

“Oh really now.”

“I’m not the first page of your legend, if anything you’re just a small excerpt in mine. One of us is leaving here alive today, and the other won’t be telling the tale.”

I start pulling my knife out with my left hand, hopefully a little exercise won’t reopen my wound. Depending on the situation, I'll have to use my trump card! Seeing my readiness for battle, orange hair starts his routine again.

“HAHAHAHAHA! Well met foolish thief, I take back what I said as well. You aren’t even worth mentioning in my grand tale, however I’ll honor you by telling you the name of the man who’ll kill you. I am Conrad Bu’Cannon, age 26, and standing proud with a gorgeous smile! Recently appointed to the rank of a knight, as well as a recent member to the Gray Scabbards! Led by the legend himself, Theodore Goltas! Prepare yourself, bandit! For your purpose is to become my nourishment as I move down the path of glory!”

“...”

…Just who the hell is this guy?

****

The time is midday, and in this once quiet forest, fools seem to be lurking about. And screaming no less.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PLEASE DON”T TAKE MY BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

It was those knights that left Conrad behind, and they were at their wits end. The forest spirit plan Thief and Rat came up with was Genius, and now the fools run through the forest in an attempt to escape. However, they eventually run out of breath.

“*huff huff* Dammit, did we lose them?”

“Since their forest spirits, I’ll assume their still on our tail.”

“Godammit! RUDOLPH! You dumbass, this is all your fault!”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know they’d be followers of Mineva!”

“Is that your best excuse?”

“What!?!”

Just like that one of the knights, who wore glasses, found himself about to give Rudolph a verbal lashing.

“Does this look like one of Materia’s temples?”

“Well uh-”

“The answer is no! This is a completely different environment with different rules, and your way of doing things almost got us killed. Think of it this way, would Lady Materia want you to call her name in a dark damp place like this?”

“Gods, I’ve insulted my lady!”

“You're damn right you did, but Mortimer you can’t talk!”

“Excuse me!”

The glasses wearing knight, Mortimer, now found himself under siege by a member of their band.

“You heard me you bastard, WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK ABOUT THAT THINGS LOVE LIFE!”

“Well I was just-”

“YOU WERE JUST HORNY!”

“*blush* I WOULD NEVER!”

“Yeah right, just look at what your actions did to Donny!”

After saying that, the two of them turned their heads to see one of the members checking Don. Don being the knight who got stabbed in the foot.

“You alright Donny?”

“Philip, I don’t feel so good man. I can’t feel my foot, and my hand keeps twitching when the breeze touches it.”

“Do you feel hungry?”

“No, I’m really thirsty though?”

“Thirsty? Meaning you want water?”

“Yeah dumbass I want water, I could drink a barrel of it!”

“Donny, plants love water and need a lot to survive. So if you want water so much, and your hand is blowing in the wind like a tree branch-”

“My god, it’s starting…”

“...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Mortimer and his accuser could only look away as their friends mental state deteriorates.

“See that Morty, that s***’s on you!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“The Great Spirit’s bitch should’ve stabbed your foot, instead it got Donny’s! Did you even check his wound!”

“There’s no need for-”

“DONNY YOUR FOOT’S TURNING PALE GREEN!”

Everyone looked at Don’s foot, a small portion of it had a pale greenish hue.

“I’M TURNING INTO AN OAK TREE!”

“Wait trees are-”

“DON’T MAKE THIS WORSE GLASSES! Let this poor man enjoy his last moments.”

“This is ridiculous, wait is that a puncture mark on his foot?”

“Don’t change the subject JACKASS!”

“Your name calling is starting to upset me.”

“WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT!”

“Well maybe I’ll-”

“Uh, you guys-”

““WHAT TERRY!!!!!””

Terry, the lazy member of the group, drew the attention from our arguing pair.

“Uh, Conrad isn’t here.”

“WHAT!”

“Nice going glasses, we lost Conrad!”

“How is that my fault!”

“Buddy system, remember! You’re his buddy this week!”

“Gods! Alright, Terry, where did you see him last?”

“...Where the Great Spirit spoke to us.”

“Goddammit.”

“That makes two glasses! Who else will suffer from your negligence!”

If it wasn’t Samuel grating his ears, it’s the fact that he’ll be held responsible for his partner’s welfare. Just before Mortimer could ask how things could get any worse, a familiar fog began to roll in.

“Wait a minute, this is-”

“OH MY GOD THEY’RE BACK! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Don couldn’t help but scream, and no one could blame him. Mortimer’s idea was correct, the spirit’s caught up to them in the forest. The knights began to panic again, not knowing that this supernatural situation was merely sabotage.

“...hehehehehe, I can’t wait for Biggs to hear about this one!”

There stood Rat, beneath the cover of the trees, using a crossbow to shoot balms of mist into the crowd. He soon began to take out flasks of what appeared to be oil, and prepped his crossbow for the next round.

“Time to commence Operation Forest Fire!”