To Where The Lost Flames Belong

The night has crept in, the soldiers stationed at the border patrol base have started turning in for the night. It’s been four days since the bandit extermination operation and two days ago the detached squad sent to engage the fleeing bandits came back in dire straits. The plummeting morale of Goltas’ squad hit an all time low when they saw the condition their comrades were in. Of the seven knights in the squad, only three of them came out with minor injury. The other four were in bad shape, both physically and mentally. Even the border patrol guard couldn’t help but feel pity, how wouldn’t they? For the once proud and untarnished Gray Scabbards were now defeated. That goes especially for their proud leader.

****

After that horrible operation in the field four days ago, I waited for the detached unit I sent out to return. Two days after we sent them out, the seven of them returned in terrible states. Half of them received severe burns, the other half received severe mental damage, and one of them even lost an eye. Right when our morale was slowly starting to return, it was lost again. I don’t even know what to say anymore, were those really bandits? Could it be possible that they were demons? That’s the only way I can even fathom someone like Rudolph, our most devout member, to start questioning his faith. Even Don who once said he’d be a knight till he died, he no longer wants to be a knight anymore. He says he wants to live his life for god now. To make a man who didn’t care for religion turn it into his succor, just who the hell were these fiends. Just thinking about all this makes my mouth dry, luckily I kept some ale on me for times like this. Although, I’d rather drink this on a good occasion. I pour the aged bottle’s contents in a cup, and scarf down half the liquid bliss in one go. As I thought, the taste is terrible.

“Heh, I don’t even deserve the comfort of these spirits. If it's not my men plaguing my dreams, it’s my inability to numb the feeling.”

As I looked into the cup that couldn’t take away my pain, I noticed my reflection on the ale’s surface. The same appearance I tried to maintain is once again starting to be undone, the same broken man I tried to hide from my men is starting to resurface. I try to remedy my state of mind with calm thoughts, but that’s when I remember them. The voices and sneers of the men from this base.

Hey, is it true? Did they really suffer such losses?

Sure it’s just ten people, but you're supposed to be one of the kingdom’s strongest platoons! Make us feel safe dammit!

I never thought I’d see the day where a military legend would come, and ask us to let him and his crew nurse their wounds in our base no less!

I guess Theodore Goltas has weakened with age

I would just retire, you talk that big game only to get your asses handed to you by some crooks. I guess they aren’t the “Gray Scabbards” for nothing! Heh, right fellas!

I began to crush the cup in my hand, only to come back to reality hearing the glass fragments hit the floor. Even now, a part of me wants to blame them. I want to blame the bandits for this, for making my men suffer and causing my leadership to be questioned. However, this fault is mine and I must own it. If I were more attentive then we wouldn’t have lost so many of our brothers, their deaths lie with me. I’ve only begun to write the letters to their next of kin. I know these won’t be the last letters I write, but each letter I put on that parchment takes away my will to fight. However, I must write them after all these men died because of me.

“*Sigh* At least we handled the secret assignment his majesty requested, but still how will we come back from this?”

After muttering that to myself, I heard a knock at the door. The person on the other side asked if they may enter, I hesitated for a moment but then told them yes. The reason being is because the voice on the other side of the door belongs to a man that refused to let anyone see him except for the base doctor. Of all the members of this platoon, who are still alive, he’s suffered the most during this mission. However, on the contrary to what I thought, there he stood. Conrad Bu’Cannon, with a bandage over his right eye.

****

...The last few days have been hell for me. One day I’m the star recruit of this platoon, the next I’m everyone’s favorite punching bag. They say they just want to check on me, but I know the truth. They were always jealous of me! Always looking annoyed whenever I granted them my wisdom, and now that I look like a cripple they came to make me their joke! Those bastards, they won’t get away with this! I still remember my reaction upon waking up, even though I prayed that what happened to me was a nightmare.

…Aargh! Why does my head feel like it’s splitting? Hold on, how come one of my eyes is covered...N-NO! It was supposed to be a dream, THIS CAN’T BE REAL!

What do you mean I was out for a day? What do you mean I’m “Lucky” I came out alive? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’LL NEVER SEE OUT MY RIGHT EYE AGAIN!

ARE YOU S***TING ME! YOU’RE THIS BASES DOCTOR RIGHT! THEN FIX IT! FIX ME! HEAL MY INJURY DAMN YOU!

I’M THE MAN WHO’LL SUCCEED CAPTAIN GOLTAS! HIS SUCCESSOR CAN’T BE A CRIPPLE!

*Sniff*PLEASE! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! PPPPPPLLLLLEEEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I felt like a child begging their parent for candy, it was a miracle that the doctor and his staff didn’t laugh at me. What he did do was put his hand on my shoulder and tell me that I should consider retirement, because my lack of vision would cost my life in the field. I cried after that, I told my fellow platoon members to get lost because I didn’t want them to see me so weak. Even that bastard Mortimer tried to see me, I never want to see his face again! I could’ve got my revenge if it wasn’t for him!

After that countless thoughts ravaged my mind. How could this happen, I was destined for greatness. So why? Why did my journey have to end like this? No, my journey can’t end here! But what can I do? DO SOMETHING! Do what? ANYTHING! Anything? YES! Then what? FIND THEM DAMN YOU! THIS IS ALL THEIR FAULT! THOSE DAMN THIEVES DID THIS! IF I WANT MY LIFE BACK THEN I NEED TO GO AFTER THEM! And I know just the man to let me do it.

I put my armor on, changed my bandages and walked to the Captain’s quarters. I then knocked on his door, and asked him my burning question.

“Permission to enter sir.”

****

We both stood there, silent for what felt like ages. Conrad looked at me, the floor, and my desk. I understood immediately what he saw: my disheveled appearance, the broken glass, and the letters I was writing. My wounds are out in the open now, I can’t help but feel pathetic.

“If you want to laugh soldier, you have permission-”

“There’s no way I could laugh at you sir.”

“Soldier?”

“Right now, you’re the only person in the world that understands how I feel.”

“Conrad…”

I try not to feel pity for him, but how could I. The man that once spoke of his dreams with pride, now stands before me broken and without purpose. At least that’s how I felt before looking into his one good eye. It’s strange I thought he would be depressed, that’s what they all told me when he was denying visitors. However, the man I see before me has fire in his eye. Just like that Conrad walked past me, and towards the desk with the letters.

“You know Captain, I don’t think I can even remember the names of the guys or even their faces.”

“You don’t?”

“Of course not, how could I when the only thing on my mind is them. They’re in my thoughts, my dreams, and even my very being. I can’t rest until I get the one’s responsible.”

“Conrad?”

“Do you feel guilty Captain?”

“Of course I do, this was all a result of my-”

“It’s not your fault Captain.”

“What?”

I never thought I would hear one of my own men refute my statement, despite that Conrad continued.

“Did you stab him with a knife?”

“No”

“Do you slit his throat?”

“No”

“Did you threaten to violate them?”

“No”

“Did you impale them with a tr-”

“Please stop this Conrad, this is too much.”

“My apologies sir, but now you understand. It’s their fault Captain, the ones who tore our brothers from us. IT WAS THOSE DAMN BANDITS!”

My god, I should’ve stopped him from speaking. This was the last thing I wanted to hear.

“THEIR THE ONES THAT STABBED THEM!”

“Stop-”

“THEIR THE ONE’S WHO TORTURED THEM!”

“Stop plea-”

“THEIR THE ONES WHO TORE APART FAMILIES!”

“Stop, no more.”

“THEIR THE ONE’S WHO’RE MAKING YOU WRITE THOSE DAM-”

“I SAID STOP!!!!”

I couldn’t take it anymore, my whole body was sweating. Each word was like burning wax, what did I do to deserve such torment. Despite that Conrad continued, each word reminding me of someone I know too well.

“You made the orders, Captain! What's wrong with that? You gave your men an order and they followed, no where did you tell them to go die.”

“Yet they did, THEY’RE ALL DEAD! TEN MEN GONE! THIS ISN’T A GAME COMRADE, THESE AREN’T PAWNS ON A BOARD! THEIR REAL PEOPLE-”

“Exactly, real people who were killed by criminals who have yet to be punished. You know I’m right, Captain? You want to see those bastards punished more than anyone else, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“What?”

“Give me the okay Captain, you don’t need to do this anymore. Let me be your sword, now that I can’t succeed you, this is the least I can do. Let me burn the last of my life as a knight! Let me keep our people safe!”

“NO! I’ll send no man to die, Conrad treasure your life! You have-”

“I HAVE NOTHING GOLTAS! I’M JUST A CRIPPLE!”

“Conrad!”

“I can no longer succeed you, so please! Let me be the one to end our suffering, let me bring those bastards to hell. Let me protect my brothers one last time.”

Hearing his words, I couldn’t rebuke him or deny him. I only had one option.

“I’ll ask- No, demand the border patrol lend us their power. I’ll use the king’s name if I need to, they’ll all be at your command. This is the last chance we’ll have Conrad, find Fort Lenora and bring our honor back.”

“I thought you’d never ask!”

****

Conrad just left the room, it’s amazing how one person can make a room feel so warm. Like a raging inferno, but I know that feeling all too well. He’s like me, like how I was after the incident. Those bandits have created the second advent, the second advent of the bandit slaying demon. The title I relinquished when the king asked me to regain my humanity, those crooks have done something they shouldn’t have. However, I admit I feel guilty. When Conrad said the fault wasn’t mine I was happy, I was happy to know I was guilt free. I began to lie to myself again, and get drunk off the words of a naive man. I shouldn’t do this, but a part of me wants to see the bastards drowning in despair. I guess there’s some things you can never cast away. Still, for me to use a broken man as a tool for my revenge and greed.

When I die, I’m not going anywhere good aren’t I?