Arbitration

I wake up slowly. My first sense to return is not sight or sound, but a profound, soul-deep exhaustion that has liquidated in my bones.

The front of my brain is screaming to be released from my skull.

I blink my eyes open and I’m not at the gate.

A rough woollen blanket is tucked neatly around me. The ambient green light from her lanterns makes me realise where I am.

Clovis is sitting at her workbench, with her back to me. The rhythmic scrape and crunch of a mortar and pestle is the only sound in the room. Her limbs look heavy.

“You’re awake.” Her voice is flat. She doesn’t turn around.

“What… what happened?” I manage to ask, but the words feel like a fleeting leaf in autumn.

She sets the pestle down with a deliberate, heavy thud and finally turns to face me.

The fire in her eyes is banked, leaving behind tired embers. “You collapsed. Your body couldn’t handle the incantation.”

I push myself into a sitting position and the room sways for a moment. “I felt it… it wasn’t a slight tug like before.”

“I told you not to rush. But you didn’t listen! How many times have I told you that incantation’s feast upon your emotional state?” A mild anger rises in her voice.

“I-I’m sorry, I just couldn’t concentrate, it all felt too real too fast!” I can feel tears welling up but I manage to hold them back.

“You offered the incantation a banquet of terror.” She pauses briefly but the anger doesn't dissipate.

“Magic of this kind doesn’t just drain your body, Shikara. It erodes the mind. It fractures your reason. You were on the verge of shattering something that I can’t fix. It’s a good thing your body took over and stopped you.”

“I don’t know what to say Clovis, I didn’t know it would happen so quickly. I told you I wasn’t ready.” I try to defend myself.

“I’ve failed you as your teacher, I saw the signs in our lessons but I didn’t take action. I let your body take on something it couldn’t handle yet and I’m a fool for allowing that to happen.” It’s the first time I’ve seen Clovis wipe away her persona.

She seems just as angry at me as she does of herself.

My memory catches up to my mind and I attempt to intercept Clovis’s self-deprication. “The others… at the gate? Are they… are they ok?”

“Sorry, yes the first guard you healed is fine. The second one’s wound was still open, but the bleeding had slowed. Your efforts bought me time to get to her. That's two families that aren't grieving today.” Clovis lets out a regretful huff.

The praise falls deaf on my ears. “Just two. How many were there? Fifteen? Twenty?” I whisper to myself, afraid of the answer.

Clovis’s expression becomes grim. “The patrol was ambushed. There were a great number of smaller, faster creatures we’ve not seen this close to the village before.”

She takes a breath. “We lost Anya at the gate. Maris didn’t make it through the night. Two others are still in critical condition. Hakota and eleven others are severely wounded but stable. We were lucky. It could have been a massacre.”

Two dead. A dozen wounded.

I need to see Elara and Hakota. I need to see the consequences beyond Clovis’s clinical report.

“I have to go.” I swing my legs over the sides of the cot.

“You need to rest!” Clovis counters, her tone firm as she reaches out an arm to stop me. “You pushed yourself to the absolute limit.”

“I’ll rest later.” I insist, finding a surprising strength in my voice. “I need to see Hakota.”

She studies my face for a moment, then gives a reluctant nod. “Fine but don’t stay too long. And do not try to use any magic at all! After you expend yourself like that you risk permanent damage if you overexert yourself again.”

As soon as I exit the cottage I remember what my will said in my dream.

‘To give you a fighting chance, the worst of your pain had to be… dampened.’

Is that the reason why I wasn’t able to muster 2 incantations back to back?

Is my emotional capacity being hindered by my own lingering issues?

Without a fuel source the incantations use my body as collateral. That makes sense to me. I’ll have to be more careful for now and not rush myself.

The village is entirely different to how it was before.

The cheerful morning bustle is gone. There are no children playing tag on the main path, no women gossiping by the well.

People are moving by me with deliberate purpose, their faces hung dour. Near the gate there is a man trying to wipe away the sanguine flood that litters the cobblestones.

The attack didn't just wound the guards; it wounded the entire community, leaving a scar on their collective spirit.

I arrive at Hakota and Elara’s. The door is slightly ajar. I knock softly before pushing it open.

I can see through to their bedroom where Hakota is asleep in his bed, his face pale and slack against the pillow. His injured leg is propped up on a cushion, wrapped in clean, rugged bandages.

Elara sits in a chair beside him, her head bowed, her hands busy mending a tear in a bloodstained tunic.

She looks up as I enter, a web of fine lines I haven’t noticed before have appeared around her eyes.

A weak, watery smile touches her lips when she sees me. “Shikara.”

“Elara.” I say softly, stepping inside. “How is he?”

“He’ll live.” she whispers, never averting her sight from her husband.

“Clovis says the stitching held long enough for her to repair the underlying muscle and stop the bleeding. He’ll be on his back for a week or two but he should be fine. He’s been drifting in and out. But when he’s awake the pain is immense.” Her hands tremble slightly as she pulls a thread tight.

She finally looks at me directly, her eyes welling with tears. “I saw what you did. Thank you.”

Her gratitude is a painful thing. “I didn’t do enough. I passed out. I was useless.”

“No.” She shakes her head, a fierce, protective light entering her tired eyes. “You faced something terrifying and you stood your ground to help people you barely know. That’s not useless. That’s brave.”

We sit in silence for a while. She doesn’t see my failure. She sees my effort. And in this quiet, grief-stricken room, that small distinction feels satisfactory.

“I’ll let you both rest, Clovis told me not to stay too long. If he wakes up please tell him I was here.” I whisper to Elara as I exit their room.

I head back to Orville’s bracing myself for another lecture.