IT'S BEEN RAINING FOR A WHILE

“Thunder and lightning require time, the light of the stars require time,
deeds require time even after they are done before they can be seen and heard.”
— Franz Kafka

~

This dreary gray morning is countered only by the colorful umbrellas of my classmates as we all head to school.  My umbrella appears to be the only black one, but it's been sheltering me just fine for the past five years.  As I arrive inside, I lower it, retract it, and shake it off, placing it gently in the umbrella stand among the many others.

I fix my black hair as I walk to my shoe locker.  It was here I was met by a familiar face.  "Good morning, Reiji."  I suppose she's a cute girl with light-brown dyed hair.   Himari, who's been a friend for a few years now, keeps her hands behind her back.  Almost as if she has something to ask.

I give my usual polite smile.  "Oh, good morning, Himari.  What's up?"

She gives me an almost mischievous smile.   I think I know what this means.  She quickly grabs the hand of another girl who was practically hiding next to her.  This girl has dark hair and is awfully cute.  She wears glasses and avoids eye contact with me.  No wait, I've seen her around plenty of times.  I know who this is.

Himari is more than happy to jump into the introductions.  "You two have never had a class together, so you probably don't even know--"

"You're Emi, right?  President of the Science Club?"  I decided to be quick to dissolve any doubts. Yes, I know who she is, and I know exactly what Himari is doing.  Emi stammers a bit, surprised that I even knew her name, let alone speak informally.  Oh crap.  I was a little too fast, there.  "Sorry, it's just I've heard Himari mention you several times now, and since you're both on a first-name basis, it kinda felt like I was too.  My bad."

"Oh-- no no, it's perfectly fine... I don't mind."  Emi slightly blushes realizing that was the first time she gave me eye contact.

I give Himari a slight side-eye for putting us in this awkward situation.   I thought she knew I'm not interested in any relationship right now.  Fine, I'll do my best at chit-chat.  "I uh... I hear you're a wizard at chemistry--"

Ding, dong, dong, ding.

Saved by the bell, I suppose.  Emi politely bows and is also thankful to get out of the situation Himari put us in.  "I'll uh... see you later Reiji?"  Emi suggests.

"Yeah, I'll see you around."  I give a casual wave and begin to walk in the opposite direction.

~

"Bro-- you gotta be kidding me!"  Yuya, one of my guy friends, practically tears his own book as he bites it with teary eyes I can't take seriously.  As I'm sat at my desk for the lunch-hour, my friends had taken notice to Emi's interest in me.  Jealousy does not become you, Yuya.  "I can't believe one of the cutest girls in school was fondling over you!  You're not even that interesting!"

"Come on guys, I don't think she likes me that way."

All two of my friends suddenly glare at me as if I just said something completely incorrect.  "This... is a problem."  Yuya had pointed and tapped at my forehead.  "I mean, what's the point of having good looks if you're not gonna take advantage of them?"

Eijiro gives a clear sigh of disappointment for Yuya.  "Only you could word something like this so badly."

All I can really do in this situation is put on my usual smile.  The truth is... I'm not interested in anything like romance.  At least not now.

Black umbrellas.  Black suits.  Standing silent under the rain.  Twelve years old.

What?  Why did I think of that all of a sudden?

~

The rain is still falling as the school day comes to an end.  The sky hasn't changed at all.

Returning to my shoe locker, I'm not exactly eager to get back to my house.  I must have been one of the last to leave, as most other umbrellas have been taken.  As I reach to grasp my own, I hear a sweet voice.

"Um-- Reiji-san?"  Emi stands to the side, holding her own umbrella, still retracted.  She must have been waiting for me.

"Oh hi."  I pull my umbrella out of the stand and take a few steps toward her.  "You're still here?"

She slightly fidgets, still avoiding most eye contact.  "Would you... like to walk me home?"

I'm oddly frustrated by this.  There is no denying she is extremely cute and polite.  Of course my friends are a bit jealous, she's more than just cute.  Of course I'd like to date this girl.  I'd like to date any girl, but I... I refuse to drag them down with me.

"We um... share the same route... and my house is on the way.  If you don't mind, of course."  She clearly mustered up a fair bit of courage to be able to ask me anything, let alone this.

Dammit, Himari, why do you torture me like this?  I don't want to lead her on, but I don't want to shoot down the effort she just put in either.  Maybe I'm just overthinking it.  Yeah, best to just continue to be myself.  Considerate and chill.  "Yeah, I don't see why not."

I give her my usual polite smile.

~

We walk.  Side by side, her with a pink umbrella, and me with my black one.  We don't talk for a while, but not because of any awkwardness... the rain is just nice.

"What did you have for lunch?"  She asks me, with only a bit of genuine interest.

I can tell that both of us aren't good at idle chit chat.  "Let's see-- a juice.  Yeah, that's it, I think."

She lightly giggles.  She's so cute.  "That's it?  You didn't eat anything?"  She asks thoughtfully, as though she really cares.  A nurturing nature, this girl is too good for me.

I give an embarrassed chuckle.  "I guess I just forgot."  I really did forget, and now that I'm thinking about it, I'm suddenly very hungry.

"Um-- I had curry rice.  Extra spicy.  Himari told me you like spicy food too."  She's right, I do.

We continue to walk together.  The awkwardness between us finally begins to dissolve slowly.

Some distant thunder rolls by.  Not loud.  It was a few steps after I noticed Emi had stopped walking.  I stop as well, glancing to her.  Both her hands gripping her umbrella handle, her eyes tightly shut, and whole body a bit stiff.  Wait a minute, I see now.  I can't help but smile, as my polite side tries to stop from any form of laughing.  "Emi... are you afraid of thunder?"

She immediately gets embarrassed, opening her eyes.  She starts to walk again, her pace faster than before.  "N-- no, I'm not afraid of thunder, I don't know what you mean."  Cute, as usual.

"President of the science club has a fear of thunder, huh?"  I can't help but tease at the irony.  "I actually really like thunder.  It's not like it can hurt you, or anything--"

"Thunder is too loud!"  She isn't mad, she is merely defending her perspective in an almost comical tone and expression.  "It's ancient human instinct to be a little afraid of thunder-- cuz that usually means lightning, and you can get struck--"

Emi freezes herself completely.  Did something happen?  She slowly looks up at me, suddenly deeply worried about something.  "I'm-- I'm so sorry-- I didn't mean... to say that..."

I can't help but give an expression of confusion, trying to maintain my chill attitude to let her know that whatever it is, it's fine.  It's not like--

Oh.  Right.  That.  "Oh yeah... I guess Himari would have mentioned it by now.  For real-- don't worry about it, it's been like five years, I'm doing just fine."  Even telling her the truth of my feelings, she still remains in an apologetic state.  Well, no time like the present I suppose.  Might as well get it out of the way now.  "I never really knew my dad.  Not at all, really.  He was always working, and when he was actually home, he was... still not really there.  I can't believe I almost forgot."  I glance up at the sky for a few moments.  "He really was struck by lightning.  He died when I was twelve years old."

Emi lightly rotates her umbrella.  She is back to avoiding eye contact.  "Still... it was your father."  She holds off on asking me something for a few very long and very quiet moments.  "Do you... ever wonder what he was really like?"

I freeze in my own thoughts and words.  I hadn't thought about it like that.

What was he really like?