SILVER MAGATAMA

"I'm home."  Reciting my usual phrase as I enter the house, knowing it's most likely unheard.  Closing the door, I slip off my shoes and step inside.

Walking into the messy living room, my assumption was correct again.  The television left turned on, and my mother asleep on the couch.  Empty cans left bunched together on the small table.  My mother has short black hair as she sleeps crooked, leaning her head on a pillow with some of her drool on it.

~

In my room.  My own space.  Just past nightfall, I have my room light on as I catch up on some of my studies.  I'm doing well in English and Math, but need to brush up on biology.  Wait, that's science, technically.  Maybe Emi can help me-- no, no!  What am I thinking?  Great, now I have girls on my mind.

My bedroom door opens a little less than halfway.  My mother rarely knocks, as she has considerably less consideration than me.  I try not to let it get to me.  "Reiji?  Want some food?  I think I just made too much."

"I already ate, mom.  It's a bit late, anyway."  My mother usually falls into one of two moods: depressed, or frustrated.  Today sounds like the former.

"Oh, okay."  She clearly doesn't know what else to say.

Right before she closes my door to leave, I practically get taken over by an impulse.  Quickly turning in my chair to face her, I accidentally raise my voice louder than I wanted.  "Mom-- what was dad like?"

She pauses, but then returns to my room, taking a half-step inside with a surprised look.  "Your... father?  Tsh--"

Uh-oh.  Her second mood.

"Oh, you mean mister work-work-work?!  Never mind the fact that he ignored his wife and son when he was home-- he couldn't even remember my birthday or our anniversary!  I was trying for a divorce, but even that didn't go anywhere.  Why ask that all of a sudden?"

"I meant to ask..."  My mother calms down a bit.  "...what was he like when you first met?"

My mother almost freezes.  As if I was suddenly asking about a completely different person.  She becomes even more calm as she can't find the right words.  Her mind flows through distant memories, but her expression tells me... they were probably good?  Instead of answering me, she deflects.  "Jeez, Reiji-- this is really coming out of nowhere.  You're sixteen years old-- you don't have any real worries, so why worry about the past?"

For the first time in a long time, my mother made me angry.  I control my anger, but can't help arguing what she just said.  "I don't have real worries?  And I'm seventeen, mom.  I graduate this year, and I have no money for university at all!  That means I have to get a job here while everyone else at my school starts moving away!  How's that for no worries?!"

I didn't mean to snap at my own mother so harshly.  I stop talking altogether.  Instead of arguing back, my mother gives me a confused look.  "You're worried about... money?"

I have a pause before I reply.  "Yeah."

"Reiji... you have more than enough money.  You can choose any university you want.  Didn't I tell you that?"

The light rain patters on the window as my bedroom is filled with a strange silence.  What is she talking about?  Since when do I have money?  It's what I been worrying about for years!

My mother shyly glances away.  She avoids eye contact with me, not in the same way as Emi of course, but because she feels some form of shame.  I seen that look many times.  "Your father left you over four million yen for when you graduated."

My bedroom is replaced with a shocking silence as my eyes widen.  "Wh... what?  Since... when?"

"Since he died.  It was put into an account he made for you.  I told you this right after his funeral!"

"I was twelve years old, mom!  I probably didn't even know what that meant!"

"Well it's not like we talk all the time."

"Mom!!"  Again, I try to calm myself down.  I organize my thoughts.  I realize my perception of my father was twisted for years.  "I thought... dad was a bad person this whole time."

My mother averts her eyes from me again.  "He wasn't bad, he just... I didn't want you hating me instead."

All of a sudden it all makes sense.

~

My mother slides the empty cans on the table aside, making room for a shoebox.  "Your father had very few possessions."

Staring at this small box was like looking at a ghost.  An echo of truth that I never realized I needed until today.  I reach my hands forward, practically sweating.  Gently removing the old lid, my mother was right.  Hardly anything inside it.  Some papers, legal documents.  I put my hand inside and move things around.  I find a photo.  Several of them.  Very old photos.

There is a young handsome man standing at the front gates of a college of some sort.  He looks... a bit like me, but... this can't be dad.  He looks way too cool.  Was he a friend?

"Your father was nineteen years old in that one."

THIS IS DAD??!!

I remove the photo to look at the second one.  The same guy, a bit older with a big smile-- his arm over the shoulders of a girl with long black hair and his other hand holding up a peace sign.  I can see that was mom, but that still doesn't remind me of my few memories of dad at all.  I flip to the next photo.  The same guy again, but a bit older.  Maybe late twenties?  He's holding something.

And with the realization... my throat tightened... and I cried.

My father, holding his son in his arms.  My father's expression looks as if he just wiped away his own tears.  He looks so happy.

One of my tears hits the photo.  No-- I pull the photo away to make sure I don't damage it.  I need to preserve it as long as possible.  I use my other hand to hold my face.  I try to grasp my composure, but it's too hard.  "Dammit..."  I whisper under my breath.

I wipe my eyes and try not to look at the picture.  Instead, I notice something else in the shoebox.  Something odd.  Black string?  Something shining and grey.  I lay the photos back in the box, but lightly pick up the black string.  Pulling it out of the box and holding it up near my eyes, it is in similar shape to one half of a yin-yang.

A very old silver magatama necklace.

"Oh yeah-- that old thing.  He wore that all the time.  I think it was his father's too.  I don't think I'd ever seen a silver magatama before."

By impulse, I put the necklace over my head and wear it.

I didn't notice at the time, but my mother's eyes grew at the sight of me wearing it.  My whole future just opened up.  The possibilities!  My father was a good man!  He was gone so early, but still managed to get together so much money for his only son!  This was better than closure-- it was a dream come true!

I quickly and gently grasp the sides of my mother's shoulders.  I look her in the eyes with a genuine smile, making sure she's looking back at me.  "If I go far away... promise me you'll take care of yourself."

She sees a clear overlap of the man she once loved in the bold and kind expression of her grown son wearing the same heirloom necklace.  She cannot help but nearly cry herself.  She gives me her true smile.  The one I hadn't seen in a long time.  "I promise."

~

It is a new day, and it feels like my mind has hardly changed a minute from last night.  In fact, I hardly got any sleep at all.  Walking to school with my usual black umbrella, I can't get this smile off my face.  No other students around-- I'm late today, but for some reason I feel more worry-free than I ever have!  My future is brighter than the rising sun and larger than the horizon itself!

The rain begins to subside.  There is blue sky in the distance as the true sun finally begins to punch through this dreary world.  I slightly remove the umbrella from my overhead view as I glance up at the sky.  Retracting my umbrella, I point it upward.  Today is the day I turn my life around--

Peaches.  I am surrounded by peaches.  Peach trees to be exact.  Wait... wasn't I just walking to school?  Thought I saw a flash of blinding light too.  Pink?  But now all I see are countless peach trees.

Standing in the middle of an orchard, I stand in the same position I was just in, except... there is no umbrella in my hand.  Oh... I'm naked.  Aside from my necklace being the only thing I wear, I might as well be a newborn baby.  In my delirium, all I can muster out is one pathetic little word.

"Eh--?"