She’s an Elf Girl Who Hunts Monsters, Of Course I’m Carrying Her Loot

I heard a bell ringing.

No, not tolling like that one metal band's song title.

Ringing.

A goddess in all her several winged beauty was floating down to me, bell in hand.

"DING DING DING! Hey mortal! you're the newest recipient of the afterlife's stupidest death award!"

I groaned.

"Uh-huh. And you are…?"

“Oh! Right! How rude of me. I am Luluthiel, Herald of the Higher Realms, Keeper of Bells, and—”

“Keeper of Bells, Herald of Realms… cool. Bell-girl it is.” I sighed.

"Turn that frown upside down mortal! the worst bit's already over! Now then let's check your file here..."

She dug through a large plastic file folder she manifested into the void.

There are two hundred and sixty-seven death awards in the afterlife according to her, mine was the most recent one which I find incredibly hard to believe.

The goddess squinted at my file.

"I still can't believe you died to a wasp, I mean really? a wasp!?" She started laughing uncontrollably.

“Yes,” I deadpanned. “A wasp.”

“You sure it wasn’t cursed?”

“If it was, it cursed me with humiliation.”

She gave a sympathetic little sigh. Then burst out laughing.

“Ohohohohohoho! You poor soul. Death by wasp sting! That’s a two-star death at best. And that’s only if the wasp was a queen!”

I sighed.

"If I remember correctly, aren't you supposed to give me a secret ability or introduce some OP nonsense?" I asked her. "Maybe something like a gift or a cool new outfit?"

"Jumping the gun a little bit are we? I was just getting to that!" The goddess clapped her hands.

A sea of shimmering letters materialized into the words "POWER GRANTED: UNLIMITED INVENTORY SLOTS"

I was about to get excited until my inability to see the big picture barged in.

“Wait,” I started. “What in the magician’s-top-hat, Kirby-stomach-having, clown-car-packing hell is this ability supposed to be?"

The goddess looked offended. “Excuse you, that’s a top-tier blessing. Do you know how many nerds would kill for infinite storage?”

I thought back to my budget-within-a-budget PC setup on earth. She's kinda got a point. Then again, I'm here and my PC is god knows how many kilometers away from me.

“I died to a wasp. I think the storage problem was lower on my list.”

She clicked her pen—pink and aggressively sparkly. “Let me spell it out for you, mortal. You now have the ability to store literally anything in a pocket dimension. No weight limit. No volume cap. No encumberment issues. Think of it as your own personal bottomless pit but with less risk of implosion.”

“Can I store logic and good decisions in there?” I asked.

“Bold of you to assume you’ll be collecting either.”

"That stung. The wasp's still got you beat though."

She snapped her fingers and summoned a glowing orb. “Right, enough exposition. Time to shove you face-first into reincarnation.”

An orb hovered ominously, humming like a microwave threatening to explode.

“Any last requests?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Can I get reincarnated into a place where wasps don’t exist?”

“Absolutely not,” she said with a grin. “That’d break the difficulty curve.”

Before I could protest, she wound up like a baseball pitcher and hurled the orb directly at my forehead.

"What in the Pokémon, scrying ball rip-off hell was that for!?"

There was a flash of light. A ringing in my ears. And then—

THUMP.

I slammed into the dirt face-first, reincarnated with all the grace of a character model that's been ragdolled.

The air smelled like pine and something that could only be described as “mossy ass.”

Then a floating UI message burned itself into my retinas:

“Welcome to the sacred realm of Aetherion.”

Because of course, naming it Dirtlandia would be too truthful.

Some crows cawed somewhere overhead, presumably laughing.

At me?

Probably, who cares?

I sat up, spat out a mouthful of leafy, muddy puddle water and instinctively checked my tracksuit.

Still lime green.

Still painfully reflective.

A glowing icon blinked in the corner of my eye. I focused on it and saw the words:

Inventory: [0/∞]

Amazing. I could now carry the entire forest in my pocket if I wanted.

Too bad I had nothing to put in it except dirt, shame, and the crumbs of my dignity propping up the crushing realization that I was now king of the marshes.

“Goddamn it,” I muttered.

At that exact moment, I heard the faint twang of a crossbow being drawn.

“Freeze,” came a firm, accented voice behind me. “You’re wearing hostile beast-attractant colors and may be diseased.”

I turned slowly to find an elven girl with piercing red eyes, silver hair, and a bow aimed right where my dumb ideas are birthed from.

She stared at me like I was gum on her shoe.

“You’re not from around here, are you?” she asked.

I opened my mouth, then closed it.

My brain felt fried.

Say something dummy!

"Nah I'm like one of those rare drifters. I come from a totally different world from yours," I replied, hoping that wasn’t too vague.

The girl raised an eyebrow, then laughed.

I didn't know whether to laugh nervously along or shoot myself with this girl's crossbow.

"You're funny." She smiled.

"Thanks." I grinned weakly.

"And a little weird." She glanced around, taking inventory. "How did you even get here?"

“Well I was kind of… transported.” I said.

Lame.

Too lame.

"By a domesticated Wherep?" She snorted skeptically.

"A domesticated what-now?"

I shrugged.

"Oh right, sorry. New guy. You've probably never seen a Wherep before, right? They're really rare, very territorial creatures and pretty much despise humans. But if you put in the effort to train the—"

She then proceeded to give me the rundown of every single one of their habits. Every single thing they do and all of their weaknesses and strengths.

I nodded along helplessly, feeling like I was going to pass out any second. This girl sure has a lot to say for a stranger who just showed up.

It wasn't that I disliked her. In fact I found her rather sweet and sort of cute, she just seemed so serious and intense. Plus, she spoke in a language I could understand, the accent was a little funny but I managed to ignore that for the time being.

There goes that bright shade of red again, like shining rubies.

I got lost counting imaginary facets and stopped listening.

"Whoops, did I go off on a tangent again? Sorry 'bout that. I tend to share the good word about anything regarding monster-hunting and killing with anybody who'll listen. Well most folks, anyway. It's good for trivia if you're into that sort of thing."

I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. Either way I didn’t mind listening to her drone on about these things.

So... Are you gonna tell me your name or should I call you 'the beast'?" She drawled.

"You can call me Takumi.” My lips formed a dumb smile.

"Takumi? Now that's a unique name."

Oh the irony.

"I suppose so, ” I said, plainly.

"I like the hair too, its very clashy and out there..."

She gestured to my mop of sandy brown hair, the ends were bleached for a cosplay thing I went to, unfortunately the dye was permanent.

"Nice to meet ya, Takumi." She bowed. "Welcome to the land of the living."

"Likewise miss... uh...”

"Fiora," she finished for me. "Nice to make your acquaintance."

She stuck out her hand. I stared at it for a moment, then took it.

“Nice to meet ya too Miss Fiora?"

She giggled.

"So formal, Fiora is just fine, in the wild, it's easier to say than my full title. Also, I have yet to discover your origins in this land of yours." She winked at me.

A butterfly somewhere in my stomach fluttered around.

"Ah well," I cleared my throat. "I wandered in here from a faraway land, looking for someplace to live. I got so tired though, and it was getting dark, so I decided to take a nap on a tree stump then kinda just fell face first in a puddle."

I tried my best to lie.

I didn't feel like getting into the whole 'I just died and got reincarnated to this brand new world' spiel.

Fiora gave me a sideways glance. "Hmmm..."

"I guess I must sound stupid when I explain it." My cheeks warmed slightly.

I suddenly wished she'd stop staring at me like that.

"Not at all, Takumi. Tell me more."

I tried to think of something cool to tell her.

I drew a blank.

"Ok, maybe it's too much, I tell you what, you should rest up at my cabin!" She beamed.

Then she grew serious. "But no funny business! I'm licensed to hunt in these parts, so if you try anything I'll render you unrecognizable!" She winked again.

Wow, way to stand your ground.

"I promise." I grinned back.

I got to my feet and brushed the dirt off.

Suddenly, a thing made a noise.

I turned my head, it was a big thing.

With horns and long fur, it was built like a tank, and stank like an outhouse.

It looked like a bear, except bears aren't horned, beefed up, and 300 centimeters tall.

I didn't want to waste time classifying it any longer because it was zeroing in on me and Fiora.

In another instant, I felt a hand grab my collar and she literally, kid you not, flung me up into the trees and started running up a large oak.

"Fiora!? What in the oh-shit-no-tutorial, Dark-Souls-first-boss, Mojang hostile mob reject is that thing?"

"That, Takumi, would be a Wherep!" She called out to me.

She then proceeded to do this crazy flip thing off the oak tree and shot at it with multiple bows.

The Wherep groaned and stumbled back then locked eyes with me.

In a panic I grabbed a stick thing and chucked it at the thing.

Wow Takumi, nice words.

The Wherep didn't really like the fact that I did that and charged at the tree and lodged its horns in the trunk.

"Great thinking Takumi!" She said while dashing around mid air slicing and dicing the poor fella's flesh with her large blade that glowed so bright it might as well have been a laser cutter.

As soon as the thing hit the ground a cloud of dust erupted from underneath.

"Awesome! Is it dead yet?"

"Sure looks like it."

"Can I come down now please?" I whined, sounding completely pathetic.

Fiora let out a chuckle and proceeded to slice off the branch I was perched on and caught me as I tumbled down.

I never thought I'd admit it, but damnit I have a thing for muscle mommy elves.

I sighed.

"Nice teamwork Takumi! We've got enough to eat and flip a profit on the meat and the pelt!" She pat my shoulder.

I kinda melted a little.

"Where to next?"

"My cabin of course, but first we gotta figure out how to haul all this back."

I thought hard, kinda tough.

Wheelbarrow?

Or maybe a sled?

Wait a second. I stop dead in my tracks.

My inventory! my unlimited inventory slots!

Yes, that's it, what was it that goddess said? something about zero encumberment?

Yeah let's go with that.

How to access it though?

Would it kill that goddess to include instructions with that sort of thing?

I stuck my hands out and kinda flailed them around thinking that would somehow access the pocket dimension...

instead it attracted the attention of Fiora who was now staring at me like I was some kind of demonic baby foal learning how to walk.

"Oh, heh, don't mind me just stretching the ol' meat suit."

Shut up Takumi, why'd you say it like that?

"If you're trying to access your inventory, at least I hope that's what your doing," she started, "try calling for it."

And so I did.

And boy it was overwhelming.