A Green Heart — Himari

I don’t know if it’s because I wasn’t paying attention, or because I didn’t matter enough to notice, but I couldn’t really remember much of what happened in the past few days. 

All I know is that Eikasia is in ruins, and I’m trying to help… in my own useless way.

I tried to find the friends I’d made during our time in Eikasia to make sure they were okay, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find them. The population of Eikasia seemed to decrease drastically, as if half of the people disappeared along with the beauty of the garden.

“Boo.” I sighed, kicking my feet in utter boredom. Meilin was busy all the time, since she was the only one who could cast spells. The rest of us helped carry stuff around to assist her, but there was only so much we could help with.

Houses were built at first for shelter. But as mighty as Meilin was, she had her limits. We set up some tents for the citizens to spend the night. Yulan was busy comforting the distressed locals, while Jianyun led the workers.

That leaves me and Haruki, also an elf who refused to work. “Hey, you there, come help with the cooking!” A young girl called out. Finally, something to do!

“Nya, here’s some peppers, some butter, and some oil.” Haruki kept grabbing ingredients from his pouch, causing a crowd to gather around him in awe.

“I can’t believe you still have so much food stored, Haruki!”

“There used to be much more, but Madame Meilin always needed snacks nya!”

We chatted about Meilin as I stirred a pot of mushroom soup. “And Himari nya, what do you think of Jianyun and Madame Meilin? I can’t help but notice, they seem to have a bit of a spark.”

I gripped the wooden spoon so hard it almost cracked, “W-whatever do you mean, Haruki?” I felt my face get hot. But what he spoke of was not untrue. It wasn’t hard to notice. Jianyun was always near Meilin, always following her closely behind. Meilin would always light up at the mention of Jianyun, and Jianyun would do the same.

I can’t help myself. I’m jealous. Again. My caretakers had always told me: Envy is a sin. But that sin kept crawling into my heart, consuming any kindness I had. I knew from the start that this was why people distance themselves from me, but I can’t stop.

Why can’t I have someone who’s mine? Someone whom I can keep to myself?

Why did he have to take her away?

I like Meilin.

Meilin is a pretty, no, stunning young lady. She might be a witch, but she has a kind heart. When I first met her, she had no one, just me—not counting Haruki. So why did she get taken away by a soldier? Why can’t she belong to me? An unpleasant thought popped up: maybe if Jianyun weren’t here, Meilin would look at me again…

I've come to realise that the more I become attached to something, the more often it gets taken away. I continued stirring, staring into the distance with a scowl.

Haruki must have noticed my distress, asking, “Himari? Are you okay?” I nodded. This was a matter I’d rather keep to myself.

I don’t understand. A good friend is supposed to be happy when her friend is happy. But whenever I see Meilin smiling around Jianyun, my heart aches.

“Well…besides that, I believe Madame Meilin hasn’t decided on a wish yet.” Haruki mewed, perturbed by my scowl.

“Oh yeah? Maybe she’d wish to marry that guy.” I muttered to myself. Not like I can blame her, he was handsome, which only made me feel worse. Even if he and I were to compete for Meilin’s affection fair and square, he’d win. But he wasn’t anywhere near good-looking enough for Meilin! Oh…Why would I believe that I was a suitable candidate for Meilin if he wasn’t? I couldn’t even help Meilin with magic or orbs, so what good was I? I stuck my finger into the hot pot by accident, “Ow! Ow! Ow!”

My careless actions only proved to be troublesome for Ms Yulan. “You should be more careful, Himari.” Ms Yulan scolded me affectionately. “I’m s-sorry, Ms Yulan!” I genuinely felt bad. This day has been nothing but a wreck.

“It’s quite all right. If there’s something on your mind that’s keeping you from focusing, you should tell me.” She stroked my hair gently. I loved it when she did that. It’s an embarrassing thing, but whenever I felt upset, I would pat my own head to comfort myself. Whenever I am taken care of, I can’t help but feel joyous. People assume I would be used to isolation because of the time I spent in the orphanage alone, but it only made me crave more attention.

“Ms Yulan.” My cheeks flushed red, “I-if you don’t mind—umm…”

Her gaze softened. “I can recognise that look anywhere. It’s okay, tell me. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“Is there a cure for jealousy?”

“I’m sorry?” Ms Yulan looked perplexed, but also concerned. I had wanted to be direct, but I was too embarrassed to do so. I was hoping Ms Yulan would understand without me needing to say much, but I guess I was being unreasonable.

“I t-think—” I covered my face with my hands, “I’m in love!”

“Of course you are.” She chuckled. I gasped, “Y-you knew, Ms Yulan?”

Turns out, she knew all this time. Ms. Yulan was a mighty warrior with a brilliant mind. It wasn’t hard to know something was troubling me, but the tricky part was finding out who I liked. According to her, I always swooned over Jianyun but was also smitten with Meilin. Is it really that obvious?

“But I see Meilin has recently taken an interest in Jianyun.” Ms Yulan sighed, her eyes wide with sympathy. “Himari, if you like someone, you ought to say something before it's too late. That way, you'd know if they return your feelings. And if they don’t, that’s alright. Sometimes rejection is just the guardians above warning you that they aren’t the right person.” Her tone was gentle but profound, like a caring teacher.

“Mm-hmm.” I’ll find a way to discuss this with her. Some other time. But not now.

Every time I talk to Ms Yulan, I feel like a rock has been lifted from my shoulders. She doesn’t judge and knows precisely what to say to cheer me up.

It still pains me seeing Meilin and Jianyun together.

But I know that in the end, I must respect Meilin’s choice.

Whether she returns my feelings or not.