A Dwarf Accidentally Causes an International Incident

Well, that wasn’t so bad after all, Dige thought. After an hour of frantically fighting for one's life and some body stacking, a mountain of demon bodies was blown back into the depths of the ravine. Seemed like an absolute win to him. He also got a feeling for the standard demon rabble. Not very smart creatures by his estimation, nor very concerned for their well-being. Perhaps they could’ve taken them in the first place. Dige couldn’t help but blush.

“That was a disaster!” Artemis fell to his knees. “We almost died! What the hell!?”

“Hey, you didn’t help at all. You don’t get to complain, lad.”

Artemis wanted to strike him, but he was still puking his brains out from the stench of battle. That clueless, reassured face. Did he not understand what almost happened? However, at a second glance, his face became a lot sterner, menacing even. It looked like he was going to kill someone, and looking up from the orange clay he saw their savior approaching with equal sternness. Something told the boy to run.

When Akira smacked Dige across the face, Artemis ran for the hills.

“You’re still weak, Dige,” he said frankly, staring down with cold eyes. “You had a mission and you ran.”

“You think I’m afraid to go at you again?” Dige’s teeth gritted. “One more slap and I’ll-.”

The blow came at what seemed like the speed of sound, yet for the few stray eyes watching, Dige caught the blade with his axe just as fast. It wasn’t enough, though, as the next several strikes were trickier, and the finesse of Akira’s blade made cuts into the dwarf like a steak against the grain. The black swordsman figured killing him wouldn't be enough to get the point across, so maiming would do. Dige still stood, though. A few scars wouldn't take him down.

“I hate trying to fight you.” Akira wiped the blood from his sword. His eyes glanced at the blade's edge. It was chipped from the clashes. “This is so troublesome.”

The swordsman disappeared in a flash of magical effect, only to reappear with a bewildered Fuuma by his side, held up by the pants by his grip.

“Toyotaro, why didn't you help?”

Fuuma blushed. “Hey, put me down, they're watching us!”

“Master, what are you doing?” Kuroni asked curiously. “You look…pathetic.”

Tama snickered. “We can see your butt from here.” 

“No, it's not funny!”

Akira placed his two troublemakers side by side to gauge them more accurately. His face contorted with disgust, glancing at the dwarf while turning toward Fuuma made his face ease up with weary eyes. It was like looking at a rambunctious younger brother.

“You've done a lot for me these past few weeks, so thank you, Fuuma,” Akira said. “But I'm very disappointed in your work today. The other access points will be that much harder to control.”

And just like a younger brother, he pouted with eyes turned down. “It's not my fault. I'm low on ammo, and it's his job to defend the pass too.”

Akira cocked an eyebrow. “Did you intend to see the dwarf killed, or his party?”

Fuuma fell silent. The air gave Dige pause, but he could make a lot of assumptions about the boy, and his mood soured.

Still, Akira reassured him with a pat on the shoulder. “You look tired. You should take a sabbatical. I’m sure you’ll be up and ready in no time.”

The boy’s face brightened up as if a fog had lifted. Akira was more than an older brother figure. The man was downright fatherly. It was a feeling Fuuma was not familiar with, but he took the encouragement with both hands, eager to make the swordsman proud next time.

The display sent Dige up a wall, and that negativity flowed into Fuuma. A friend of my enemy was also an enemy, at least until proven otherwise.

“Dige, go meet the king,” Akira said coolly, marking his time to exit. “Tell him that you’ll be a volunteer. The other heroes and I will protect what’s left.”

“I ain't doing nothing you say,” Dige said firmly, but his teammates were making him do it anyway.

The sturdy, ornate gate opened up, and the dwarf got a glimpse of the active city life just behind the walls. Drawn in by curiosity, the parties entered Fargo, all except for Gunch, who was now trapped between the city walls and its door a hundred meters in the air.

The journey up to the palace wasn’t much for Dige. The land was too oily and sloped to eek out any nostalgia for him, but the industrious heartland within the city walls blasted him with excitement. It was a city built on iron and architecture, a series of fortresses that yet remained accommodating for human life with ample housing, navigable road systems, and a robust waterway system. The last one Dige felt most passionate about.

“Gods, this place is a dump,” Artemis scowled. “Where’s the beauty? Where’s the pizazz?”

“Boy, I’m going to knock ye,” Dige replied, smiling.

It was true that Fargo didn’t have the luxury of Dreams’ regal, artistic interpretation of architecture, and the smog did add an extra layer of grey onto the other greys and browns and more greys, but that wasn’t much of a loss to Dige. This was a dwarven city of the future. If he could find a new clan and present his findings, the mountain would be a louder, more industrious place.

That said, it was hard to tell where they were supposed to go. The heroes and goddesses had a way of telling him where to be without thinking how inexact their directions were. What, did they expect him to have a little map and compass floating in his head? Maybe a little marker to note where exactly the king was? Such a pain.

“Hey,” Mars noted, pointing up the cobblestone street. A couple of familiar ninjas were ahead of them. “I think we can just follow them.”

Fargo’s city planning was built into the mountainside, so it went without saying that the Capitol building was the building furthest up the incline, halfway molded into the rock like a natural formation. The interior also boasted the natural and imperfect rocky walls lit by candlelight chandeliers. The dwarf’s spirits couldn’t be higher. It was like being at home.

“Your king must be amazing,” Dige said. “Is he big and bearded, like me?”

“Huh?” The boy realized he was talking to him. “Uh, no, he's not, but he's a good king. I'm sure he'll find it in his heart to forgive you.”

“Execute them, immediately.” The king said glumly.

The meeting with Fargo’s ruler moved faster than expected. After entering the main chambers, both parties were escorted to meet with King Vladamor in the central throne room, where the boy gave his account of the battle. Dige focused on the king during the rendition, curiously put off by the man's visage. Wow, he thought. How could a man like him look so malnourished? He could be mistaken for an undead, maybe even a vampire. He was so transfixed by this that he didn’t notice that Fuuma was throwing him under the bus, painting them as deserters who left Fargo defenseless against a horde of demons. He returned to reality to see spears pointing his way.

“Pardon, my lord,” Artemis said, pre-emptively shutting up Dige. “There’s been a misunderstanding. First, we had never received any official orders for battle, so we never abandoned our duties. Two, we are heroes in service of the gods, so we are not subject to standard military laws, and three, I am the mayor of Dreams. I assure you, as a noble, that we meant no harm. Please, blame the ninjas instead.”

“Hey, don’t rope us into this!” Fuuma retorted, hypocrite that he is.

“I understand. They can die too.” The king nodded. “You all annoy me.”

More spears were pointed at the trio, and it became apparent that talking their way out of the situation would be difficult. 

Something was off. The king has never been this blasé or cruel before. Did something happen in the last 24 hours since they spoke? There had to be some kind of spell controlling him, or some kind of hypnotic suggestion. It may not even be the king at all? What if they were talking to the most dangerous enemy of all, the demon general? It would've been the perfect disguise, and a perfect excuse.

“King Vladamor, is that really you?” Fuuma asked.

“Yes?” 

Damn. He figured that would trigger a reveal, but he couldn’t be sure. The boy turned to Artemis. A quick read of his face told him that they were on the same page. This was too casual for a king to act, and if their lives were on the line, they had to bring the room to their favor. The wording had to be perfect.

So Fuuma and Dige overthrew the kingdom.

While the real story was that the Mayor of Dreams and Fuuma tried to talk down the king and only acted in self-defense, the story the survivors told was of an orc and a half-man butchering the king’s guard and turning the throne room into a charnel house, their bloodlust knowing no bounds. Despite facing dozens of well-armed and magically enhanced guards, Dige’s sturdiness and Mar’s expertise made them more than a match for the greener forces. It also helped that the kunoichi had their weapons at hand. They weren't as memorable as the boys' ugly mugs, but their use made the room that much gorier. Dige had many ideas after seeing them in action.

It took a few hours until news of the coup spread. In a camp on the northeast side of Fargo, Hideyoshi and Shige were laughing over a campfire when they received word from the local guard, followed swiftly by accusations that they were working with the usurpers. It took some stern words and fast movements from a particular swordsman to correct everyone’s mistakes and bring understanding.

“I suppose this is mine now,” Akira said, sitting on the throne. “You’re getting even more troublesome, Dige Moor.”

Dige didn’t answer, for he was filled with rage. 

The swordsman sighed. “I suppose this is my fault, but we can at least move forward in our plans to defeat the devil.”

The ninja sisters hoisted up ex-king Vladamor. He was bloodied and bruised, but very much alive.

“It seems the king is not the demon general, sir Kasuga,” said Kuromi.

“I think he was just mad jealous.”

"Right," Akira said, looking at his bruised colleague. "I'll abdicate after this crisis. Please take him to the infirmary."

The kunoichi obeyed, much to Fuuma's annoyance.

“Looks like we have no time to waste," Akira continued. "I leave it up to you two to find the real demon general and destroy them. He may be hiding out in the city or in the valleys outside the walls. I'll inspect everyone on the inside when I get the chance. Please, please you two. Don't mess this up for us."