Imposter Syndrome

The demon settlement looked like someone had taken a medieval city and dipped it in nightmare fuel. Black stone buildings twisted up toward the blood-red sky, and even from a distance I could see guards patrolling the walls.

"Wow!" Celestia chirped beside me, apparently oblivious to the ominous atmosphere. "It's like a little demon town! How quaint!"

I stared at her. "Quaint? It looks like the kind of place where they torture people for fun."

"Don't be so negative! I'm sure the locals are perfectly..."

"The locals are demons, Celestia. Literal demons. In the demon realm. Where they probably eat divine beings for breakfast."

"Well, I'll just have to blend in then!" She clapped her hands together excitedly, still radiating that soft divine glow that made her stick out like a beacon. "No one will ever suspect a thing!"

I looked at her pristine appearance, her literal halo, and the way she practically sparkled with holy energy. "Right. You'll blend in perfectly. Just like a disco ball blends in at a funeral."

"I can disguise myself! Watch this!" She closed her eyes and snapped her fingers with a dramatic flourish. "Tada!"

I waited. Nothing happened.

"...Nothing changed," I said flatly.

She opened her eyes and looked down at herself, then snapped her fingers again. And again. Her perfect features scrunched up in concentration as she snapped repeatedly, each gesture more frantic than the last.

"Come on, work!" she muttered, snapping so fast her fingers started to blur. "Why isn't it working?"

"Let me guess," I said dryly. "Your powers are useless here too?"

Her shoulders slumped in defeat. "My powers are useless here too."

"Fantastic." I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache building. "So you're stuck looking like a walking advertisement for a Goddess."

"It's not that bad! Maybe if I just..."

"No." I cut her off, then looked around the barren landscape until I spotted what I was looking for. About twenty feet away was a shallow depression filled with the demon realm's equivalent of mud, a sticky, ash-colored substance that reeked of sulfur. "You need to look like a slave, not a goddess on vacation."

"A what now?"

"Slave. Property. My property, specifically." I started walking toward the settlement. "It's the only believable reason a human would be traveling with a demon."

She hurried after me, sputtering indignantly. "Absolutely not! I am a goddess! I don't do slavery!"

"Then stay here and explain to the local demon wildlife why there's a divine being wandering around their territory." I gestured back toward the wasteland. "I'm sure they'll be very understanding."

"That's not... I mean... you can't just..." She glanced nervously at the approaching settlement walls. "There has to be another way!"

"There isn't. You're going to act like my slave, keep your mouth shut, and let me do all the talking. End of discussion."

"This is degrading!"

"This is survival." I stopped next to the mud pit and pointed at it. "Now get in there and roll around until you look appropriately miserable."

She recoiled in horror. "I am not rolling in that! Do you have any idea what that would do to my dress?"

"I don't care about your dress. I care about not getting us both killed because you look like you stepped out of a goddess convention."

"Find another way!"

"There is no other way!" I snapped. "You look like a goddess because you ARE a goddess! The only way to hide that is to make you look like someone who's been through hell!"

"I refuse!"

I sighed, then grabbed her by the shoulders. "Fine. We'll do this the hard way."

"Wait, what are you?!"

I shoved her backward into the mud pit. She landed with a wet splat, her pristine white dress immediately becoming stained with the foul-smelling muck. She sat there for a moment, shocked into silence, gray sludge dripping from her hair.

"EMERICK!" she shrieked, scrambling to her feet. "You pushed me!"

"And I'll do it again if you don't cooperate." I crossed my arms. "Now roll around until you're thoroughly dirty."

"I will not!"

"Then I'll come in there and make you."

She glared at me with those perfect green eyes, now framed by streaks of muddy grime. "You wouldn't dare."

I took a step toward the pit. She immediately threw herself down and started rolling around in the muck like a demented pig, muttering what I assumed were divine curses under her breath.

"This is humiliating," she whined, coating herself in the sulfurous slime.

"Good. Humiliated slaves are believable." I watched critically as she transformed from radiant goddess to miserable wretch. "More on your face. You still look too pretty."

She glared at me but smeared more mud across her cheeks and forehead. The glow was almost completely muted now, hidden under layers of grime.

"There," I said, satisfied. "Now you look appropriately pathetic."

She climbed out of the pit, dripping with foul-smelling mud and radiating wounded dignity. "I hate you."

"Join the club. Now listen carefully, you don't speak unless spoken to, you keep your head down, and you do whatever I tell you without argument. Got it?"

"This is completely unreasonable!"

"Got it?" I repeated, my voice dropping to a dangerous tone.

She deflated slightly. "...Got it."

"Good. Let's go."

We approached the settlement gates, where two massive demons stood guard. They were at least seven feet tall, with red skin, curved horns, and enough muscle to bench-press a horse. When they spotted us, one of them pointed in our direction and said something to his companion.

Then, to my complete bewilderment, both guards dropped to their knees and pressed their faces to the ground.

"Lord Malzeth!" one called out, his voice muffled by the dirt. "You have returned!"

I froze. Lord Malzeth? Who the hell was that?

"Uh," I said intelligently, glancing at Celestia, who looked just as confused as I felt. "Yes. I have... returned."

"We are honored by your presence, my lord," the second guard said, still prostrated. "Shall we escort you to the castle?"

Castle? I looked toward the settlement and noticed that the large, imposing building at its center was, indeed, a castle. A very fancy, very official-looking castle.

"That's... not necessary," I managed. "I can find my own way."

"Of course, my lord." Both guards scrambled to open the massive gates. "Welcome home."

As we walked through the entrance, Celestia grabbed my arm and hissed under her breath, "What was that about?"

"How should I know?" I hissed back. "They think I'm someone called Lord Malzeth!"

"Who's Lord Malzeth?"

"I don't know! You're the one who put me in this body!"

Her face went pale. "Oh no."

"What 'oh no'? I don't like 'oh no.'"

"The reincarnation spell... it wasn't supposed to work that way, but if there was a glitch and it defaulted to body substitution instead of body creation..."

I stared at her. "Are you telling me you shoved my soul into someone else's body?"

"Maybe?" she said in a very small voice.

"MAYBE?"

"It's not supposed to happen! The spell creates new bodies! It doesn't steal existing ones!"

"But it's possible?"

"Theoretically... yes."

I felt that dangerous dark energy building in my chest again. "So not only did you turn me into a demon and strand me in the demon realm, but you also committed murder by kicking someone out of their own body?"

"It wasn't murder! It was... involuntary soul displacement!"

"That's worse!" I had to keep my voice down as passing demons bowed respectfully to me. "Where is the original owner of this body?"

"I... don't know."

"You don't know." I rubbed my forehead, feeling a massive headache building. "Wonderful. Just wonderful."

As we made our way through the settlement, I couldn't help but notice how every demon we passed showed some form of deference. Bowing heads, stepping aside, whispered words of respect. A few even dropped to their knees briefly.

"This is insane," I muttered. "Just how important was this Malzeth guy?"

"Important enough to have a castle," Celestia pointed out helpfully.

"Great. So I'm not just any demon. I'm demon nobility. Do you have any idea how to act like demon nobility?"

"Um... be polite? Don't start any wars?"

I stared at her. "That's your advice? Don't start any wars?"

"What do you want me to say? I process souls for a living! I don't know anything about demon politics!"

The closer we got to the castle, the more elaborate the buildings became, and the more respectful the demons got. By the time we reached the castle gates, I was starting to panic about what I'd gotten myself into.

The castle guards were even larger than the gate guards, and they immediately knelt when they saw me.

"Lord Malzeth," one intoned in a voice like grinding stone. "Welcome home."

Home. Right. My home that I'd never seen before in a realm I'd never wanted to visit, in a body that wasn't originally mine.

"Thank you," I managed.

They opened the massive doors, revealing a grand entrance hall that looked like it had been decorated by someone with a serious grudge against the concept of warmth. Everything was black stone, twisted sculptures, and tapestries depicting scenes I really didn't want to examine too closely.

"Your chambers have been prepared, my lord," the second guard said. "Shall we escort you?"

"That won't be necessary," I replied, hoping I sounded authoritative rather than terrified.

As we entered the castle, Celestia whispered, "Do you actually know where your chambers are?"

"Of course not," I whispered back. "I'm making this up as I go along."

"That's a terrible plan."

"Got a better one?"

"We could ask for directions?"

"Right. 'Excuse me, I seem to have forgotten where my own bedroom is.' That won't raise any suspicions."

We wandered through corridor after corridor of identical gothic architecture, with me trying to look like I knew where I was going while portraits of previous demon lords glared down at us accusingly.

We wandered through corridor after corridor of identical gothic architecture, with me trying to look like I knew where I was going while portraits of previous demon lords glared down at us accusingly.

"Emerick?" Celestia whispered as we walked down yet another identical hallway.

"What?"

"Do you actually know where your room is?"

"No... you do know I'm not the real Lord Malzeth, right?"

"Well, when you put it like that..."

"That door looks big. If I'm supposed to be some kind of Lord, that should be my room, right?"

"I guess so."

I walked toward the massive door and pushed it open.