LIFE ISN'T ALL PEACHES AND CREAM

"AHHHHH!!"

Surrounded by peach trees and under a clear blue sky, I suddenly find myself in a horrifying position-- lost and naked.  I cover my mouth, almost failing to regain self control.  I look around, but I don't see anything I can use as clothes aside from leaves.  No-- they're all too small!  I need to get some clothes and THEN I can figure out what the hell just happened--

"Eerrrrrr!!"  I scream with my teeth tightly clenched after stepping on a small jagged rock.

No.  Calm down.  I have to calm down.  Think clearly, Reiji.  This is all too realistic to be a dream.  Either-- this is the most elaborate prank I've ever seen, or... teleportation is real.  That would be incredible!  The pure innovation of technology has at last reached its ground-breaking point!

BANG!!  Something had been fired and hit the ground just beside my feet.  Was that a... bullet?  Was I just shot at?!

"Don't move one inch!"  A stern female voice.  I glance to notice her.  A beautiful woman, presumably in her twenties, shoulder-length blonde hair, wearing a slim white nightgown-style dress and a-- red witch hat?  A wizard hat?  She also has a fresh cigarette in her mouth, and her expression tells me she won't care if she actually kills me.  "This staff is capable of lethal velocity stone magic!  So don't try anything funny-- pervert."

PERVERT?!  Wait, she's not speaking Japanese at all, yet... I understand it perfectly.

She is holding a simple wooden staff, slightly crooked and about five feet long.  It may not be a gun but she is holding it like one holds a rifle in the movies.  My dad had an extensive movie collection, many of them being old American westerns.  I personally never saw their appeal.  There is a purple orb at the end of her staff, which she uses to point at me.  Uh-- did she just say magic?

I throw my hands in the air-- yes, still naked, but a small price to pay for not wanting to get shot by... whatever that is.  "I'm not a pervert-- I swear!  I'm nobody!  I'm just a student!  I have no idea where I am or how I got here!  I didn't mean to trespass-- please I'm deeply sorry ma'am-- don't shoot me!!"  Wow, I never knew I could sound so desperate.  First time begging for my life really humbles a guy.  Hold on a minute-- I just spoke the same language back to her.

"Student?"  She doesn't exactly lower her guard.  "Where did you come from?!  Speak, worm!"

"I was just walking from my house on my way to school!  Kumamoto!  I'm from Kumamoto!"

"Kuma-what?  That isn't a Kingdom I ever heard of-- you better give me something to work with here!"  She's on edge.  One tiny slip from me and she'll actually shoot me this time.

"I'm telling you the truth!  My name is Reiji Ozeki from Kumamoto!!!"  The truth was quite literally all I have left, so it's all or nothing, being at the mercy of a beautiful killer.

"Ozeki?"  The woman notices Reiji's magatama necklace, as if it reminded her of something.  "Hey-- brat!"

"Yes ma'am?!"  I can't believe she just called me a brat.  Thought I was being quite reasonable here.

She pauses for a while.  "What is the name of the world?"

Weird question, but okay.  "The name of the world?  It's Earth.  Wait-- was that a trick question?"

~

The door opens to a barn-like wooden building.  The woman leading the way, I use both my hands to cover my still-naked front side while following her inside.  No animals, but tools such as ladders, saws, rope, the usual tools for a farm I suppose.  She climbs a separate ladder up to a loft.

After a minute of watching and waiting, something cloth-like is thrown down to me.  "You don't know how lucky you are, brat."  I barely catch the large red cape.  Or is it a robe?  "Put that on for now.  I'm sure one of the farm-workers got something better fitted, but until they all get back, it's just you and me."  The woman removes her hat and tosses it aside as she remains up in the loft, leaning on the railing looking down at me.  She finishes her cigarette.

"Uh... thanks."  The robe is a bit more like a coat.  Red with silver trim.  I put it on, and fasten the front buttons.  It actually fits well.  The woman is a bit taller than I am, so her body size is similar enough.  "May I ask what your name is?"

She exhales smoke.  "Tia.  Just Tia.  I'm willing to bet your next question will be something like-- where am I right now?  Or how did I get here?  Valid questions, sure.  I'd wanna know too if I were in your shoes."

"Uh... yeah."  I've done nothing except feel like a lost idiot since I saw those peaches.  Come on, lady-- balance out the playing field for me a bit here.

She tosses her cigarette down and past me, making me slightly flinch.  She dramatically raises her other hand to point at me.  She then gives a strange smile.  "You died."  Died, huh?  That can't be right, I feel perfectly fine.  "It's a phenomena that happens every now and then.  I never actually met one until you.  The common folk don't know about it-- privileged information, and all that.  But yeah... that makes you a Faraway Lord."

Phenomena?  I'm still confused.  Surely she has me mixed up with someone else.  "I'm a what-Lord?  A Lord of what?!  That doesn't make any sense!"

"That depends, Ozeki.  How did you die?"  She had an unusually familiar tone with me.

"I didn't die!  I was just standing with my umbrella-- and wearing clothes-- then suddenly I was here completely naked!  I didn't expect any of this-- I didn't want any of this!"

She takes a somber pause as she seems to almost take pity on me.  "I'm sorry, kid."

That's it.  This is real.  No prank, no punchline.  My own breathing starts to feel off.  A sorrow quickly builds up within me.  I ask her one question.  "Can I get back to my home?"

Not giving me eye contact, she doesn't answer.

"I... I can't be dead.  I just found out I have a bunch of money for university.  I'm doing good at my studies.  There's a girl that actually likes me-- I gotta go back so I can ask her out!  I never had a real girlfriend before!"  The intense feeling of unfairness kicks me in the gut.  I feel a bit sick.

"What about your father?"

"Huh?  Why are you asking about my father?  It's hard to remember him.  It was because of him I'm able to go to university at all!  I owe him my future-- but he died when I was just a kid, so I never got the chance to thank him!  I never got the chance to talk to him!!  I never had the chance to know him!!!"  My voice hurts and my eyes swell up.  Dammit, I hate crying in front of people.

I didn't notice in that moment, but Tia showed a large smile, and a sudden urge to actually help me.  "Do you believe in fate, kid?"

I wipe my eyes.  "Fate?  Sure, I guess?"

Tia begins rummaging through her few belongings in her loft, finding a bunch of papers.  "I don't.  I hate the idea.  It abdicates personal responsibility.  Don't believe in karma either.  I've seen many a mean bastard live long stupid-happy lives-- but that's beside the point."

In her hand, she holds a wanted poster.  She holds it up for her own perspective in front of my face then swiftly lowers it, as if comparing images.

She gives me a wink, and all of a sudden I can't help but want to put my complete trust in her.  "I decided I'm gonna help you out as much as I can."