A Choice No One Wants to Make

A week passed since the last incident. Things stared to settle around Lysteria, and everyone around me seemed to breath easier. Everyone but me and Dalilah.

The air around us was still heavy - Yuki and Yusuke did everything they could to soothe the tempers, but that could only go a certain distance. Dalylah tried to keep an eye on me still, but I avoided her like the plague. Mostly because I kept myself to my library, but also because I didn’t want her arrogance in my face while I was still grieving my mother.

Or rather, the lack of her in me.

Even with the scent of burning paper vanishing slowly from the village. Even with the broken and burned building being rebuilt, and with people trying to keep going with their lives, people laughing about having survived another attack again. Even then, I couldn’t find it in me to be happy.

The pen in my pocket seems to burn a hole through it every time - a weight I’m not sure I’m able to handle.

If I am even willing to handle.

“Why couldn’t I’ve died when I was back home and stayed dead? Honestly…” I mutter to myself, half reading a book in my newly refurbished and organized library. The building groans in response, and I snort.

“Really? You’d be lonely? Come on. You’ve been here for a long time, old man, you will probably outlive me. I mean, how many generations have you seen through your doors, huh?”

The building groans again, and I smile softly.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m the only one crazy enough to talk to you. Got it.”

Then, the door opens, and I tense. However, through the door comes a middle aged man, tan arms, holding the very same kid that pestered me before the first attack, and that I carried with me during the third one. Before I can say anything, the man pushes the kid forward.

“Go on.” He gruffs. The kid stumbles before managing to get himself together, and gulps as he sees me. I close my book and give him a slight smile.

“Yes? Can I help you?”

“I-I….” He stammers, before looking back to whom I assume is his father. The man grunts, and the boy looks back at me. “Sorry if I caused any trouble before, Miss Aya. And thank you for saving my life from those monsters. I…” He looks back at his father, that gives him a frown, and I hold my laughter back. It seems all parents had that same disappointed stare down to a notch. The kid gulps again, before turning back to me. “A man came to the village one day and paid me to put some papers on doors, and keep an eye on them. I didn’t know that would mean the monsters would come - they attacked everyone that I put the piece of paper under the door, and… Well.. You are the only one that survived. And I really am sorry, Miss Aya! If you haven’t saved me…”

He is starting to ramble now, and I put my hand up. He stops, scared, but I smile at him.

“What’s your name?”

“Taka.” He says, softly.

“Taka. Have you told Dalylah about the man? She’s the one handling the information about the attacks.” I suggest, softly. His eyes light up a little.

“I haven’t…. But that’s a great idea, Miss Aya!”

“Just Aya.” I interject. “And you are welcome for everything. After all, I know you would do the same for me if you could, yes? I don’t blame you, Taka. You are just a kid, and wanted to help.”

“You’re too kind.” Says the man behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m really not. But children make mistakes all the time - it’s how they learn. I should know, I had my fair share of them.” I say, with a bitter smile. The man nods, agreeing, before extending his hand to me. I shake it.

“I’m Hachirou, the beekeeper, an d’is one’s pops. Sorry it took me this long to introduce m’self and the kiddo to ya, Miss Aya.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it, Hachirou. I know this old building can be a little intimidating, and since I rarely leave…” He grunts. “Ah, but you both are welcome any time! This is a library, after all.”

“Thank ya for ya kindness.” He gruffs, while Take looks around. His grip on the boy’s shoulder tightens a bit, and he yelps.

“Yes! Thank you for your kindness, Miss Aya! We gotta go now!” He says, and waves at me as his father leads him outside. I wave back, before sighing and going back to my book.

I try to get back to reading, but something in this encounter left a bitter taste in my mouth. I didn’t deserve their thanks, not really - in the end, I was just as much guilty of these attacks as Dalylah seems to think I am, but for entirely different reasons. Not because I actively created them, but because I knew, deep down, that leaving this world abandoned for so many years in old school notebook paper was the reason this all started in the first place.

Failure again remind me of my mistakes.

The Pen seems heavier than ever in my pocket right now, and my fingers itch for… Something.

I still don’t touch it.

“Why am I stuck here?” I ask myself. “It should be easy, right? Grab the pen, write the full story. End this like I should have done years ago, and then I can finally be at peace. I won’t lose anything that is valuable - I am a failure after all. Nothing in my life went the way it was supposed to be, so giving up those memories shouldn’t matter. It’s so simple!” I argue with myself, my hands grabbing the book so tight that my finger nails leave imprints on the paper. “So why… Why am I so scared, dammit?”

The building around me stays silent, as if letting me process these feelings.

I think of my dad. I think of Yusuke, my first crush. I think of my friends, and of my home. The brief periods of time I was truly happy. All of that only makes the pain in my chest tightens, so much that it almost leaves me breathless.

“Why can’t I let go…?” I whisper to myself. “Why…?”

The building groans this time, startling myself out of my anger and grief. I blink, my vision blurry, till I can see the small wet marks on the paper where my tears fell.

“I really am a fucking failure…” I mutter, closing the book and cleaning my eyes with the back of my hand. “I can’t stay like this.”

I take a deep breath and get up, leaving the library and locking the door behind me. The building groans.

“I’ll just go out for a walk, old man. Don’t worry.”

And I start walking towards the main square.

I walk slowly, watching the people around me. Watching them rebuild, like the most simple thing in the world. I watch the children play in the square as their parents watch from afar and help their neighbors.

I watch the blue sky, huge and open above us.

“Finally got out of your hiding hole?” Dalylah asks, as she comes to stand besides me. I groan.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing… For now.” I glare at her, but don’t give her the taste of continuing. She huffs. “But you’re out of your library, and that in itself is suspicious.”

“For God’s sake, when will it get through your thick skull that I have nothing to do with the Choken?” I ask, exasperated.

“Which one?” She asks, making me stop in my tracks.

“Huh?”

“You said for God’s sake. Which one are you talking about?”

I grind my teeth, trying to keep myself calm.

“Any of them. All of them. Does it matter?”

She shrugs and I rub my face in annoyance. I then start to walk again, not even granting her a goodbye, but she follows me in silence anyway. We walk for what feels like an eternity, but in reality would be just half an hour, before I turn to her and stare. At first, she pretends to not notice, but I can see her eye twitching after a minute.

“Do I have anything on my face?” She asks, annoyed. I grin internally - her annoyance is a win in my books.

“No, nothing besides your twitching eye. Are you going to keep following me silently every time I leave the library?”

Dalylah shrugs, and is about to answer, when a concerned parent comes running her way. I take my leave then, letting Dalylah deal with the people, and return to my safe haven. As soon as I step foot in, I sigh, feeling better already.

“I’m back old man.” I mutter to the wood, before going to put the book I was reading back on the shelf and choose another. However, my peace is cut short with the bang of the door forcefully opening. I scream, and turn, just to see a harried Dalylah.

She stares at me, and a second of silence pass between us.

“It’s happening again.” She says, pale. “Whatever you did to fix it the last time… You have to do it again.”

“What?” I ask, my voice breaking. “Who is it this time?”

“The children that were playing in the square.”

I gulp.

Not the children.

The pen in my pocket burns and vibrates softly, urging me to fix it.

The memories in my head flash before my eyes.

My father’s laugh. My friends’ faces. The price for saving children. How much more of myself will I have to lose?

I put my hand in my pocket, and touch the pen. It stops vibrating, standing still in between my fingers, and I take a deep breath, hesitating. Dalylah senses it.

“If you can do something, anything, do it!” She almost yells. “Those are children, Aya!”

“I… I know… But… I don’t know if I can pay the price…” I say, trembling. She almost snarls at me.

“I don’t care about the price! The greater good always comes first, and if I could change places with them, I would! So why won’t you move?”

“Because I’m not you! I never… I never wanted this, not like you did!”

“It doesn’t matter!”

“It does!” I scream. “I don’t think I’m willing to give myself up for a world that is crumbling apart anyway!”

It happens fast. I don’t even see Dalylah moving, not really. But I do feel the sting in face, and feel the recoil of the slap.

“Then you’re not even worth the life you are living. You’re just a disgusting worm, wiggling in your own waste.” She says, her voice dripping venom, her hand trembling after having hit me in the face. Then, she turns and leaves me.

The building around me groans, as if agreeing. My grip on the pen tightens, as it starts to vibrate again. Tears fall off my face onto the wooden floor, small drip drip drips that break the silence.

It’s either the world or myself now. And, in the end… Deep, deep down, I know what the answer is going to be. I know how much I can’t turn my back to the people who need me.

Because I know that, when I was in need, people also sacrificed for me.

Again, as I take the pen out of my pocket and open the diary, I hear Failure’s words around me.

“It’s not about preventing losses. It’s about surviving them.”

Once again, I concentrate my magic on the tip of the pen. Golden light coils around it, lines unfurling like the pages of an endless notebook, and I gulp.

“I don’t know what I’m going to lose now, but… They will lose much more if I don’t do anything.” I whisper. “So goodbye, memory. You were a treasured part of me.”

Then, I write.

I write how the children are safe, untouched by the curse. I write how the village is spared from the Choken’s grasp. I write of homes rebuilt, of neighbors lending strength to one another, of how Lysteria is no longer just a village, but a haven. A place where no one will ever again become a monster. A place shielded, not by walls or steel, but by the will of its people. And I write how they lifted me, again and again, when I thought I had nothing left. How their care saved me. And how I will give myself to save them in return.

The ink glows brighter, the words bleeding gold. The lines unravel from the paper, spiraling out, wrapping the shelves, the beams, my very chest, before streaming outside.

A face flickers in my mind. A laugh, a shoulder bump, hands touching under school desks, the reckless brightness of his smile. My heart leaps, and butterflies fill my stomach. Then, like ash on the wind, it scatters. I reach for it, desperate, but my hand closes on nothing. Only silence remains where he once lived inside me.

The golden lines burst outward through the roof. Outside, I hear the gasps, the cries of children pointing at the sky. “Look! Look!” Mothers pull them close, fathers fall to their knees. For one heartbeat, the whole village holds its breath as fireworks of light fold into a dome that shimmers gold… And then fades, leaving only safety in its wake.

My knees give out. I collapse to the floor, the diary slipping from my hand as my breath comes ragged and shallow. Every heartbeat echoes like thunder in my skull. The world spins. My vision blackens at the edges.

“How much more…” I gasp, clutching my chest. “How much more can I do this until I lose myself entirely?”

The building groans around me, but it gives no answer. Only silence.

“Is this what it means to be the Author of this world?”

And with that, the last of my strength drains away.