Chapter 25

“‘Rose, we’re doing it!’” she parroted back to me with a chuckle.

“Yeah, yeah, I thought it was working,” I grumbled, blushing at the memory I was thankful she wasn’t making me watch. The thought of another pair of eyes on me when I was trying to focus left me feeling even more embarrassed. “I was able to do some magic though.”

“Yeah yeah… slow but steady, I guess.” She took a sip from her tea, appearing to savour the taste. “Any luck on our other plan?”

“Well…” I filled her in on what happened, the closet and the whole conversation. Halfway through though, as I tried to recall exactly what was said, she just shook her head. With a wave of her hand I was back in the closet, eavesdropping on the conversation. The memory ended as soon as I left.

“That’s all you overheard?”

“Yeah.” I grimaced. “I mean, just them talking about backing the first prince, it seemed. Not exactly incriminating evidence of everything. But I really stuck my neck out to get that.”

“And it was… Alexander? Was that his name…?” She looked uncertain as she mulled it over, seeming to ignore my concern.

“That’s what he said,” I replied with a shrug.

“Hmm, sounds odd. Not that I really remember hearing what the royal family’s names are.”

“I can’t imagine they were talking about another prince. I just didn’t realize the king was in poor health,” I remarked.

“And this Virgil?”

“No clue.” I shrugged again. “But I don’t know if I can pull that off again. I was almost caught! I mean, I was really risking my li—” I stopped myself midword, biting my lip and quickly looking away from Rose.

“Go on,” Rose pushed, sounding terse. “You were saying…?”

“I just meant that… it’s dangerous. If I was caught I would be—”

“Killed?” She finished the sentence for me without emphasis.

“Uh, yes. That.”

“Then just say it. Don’t beat around the bush.”

I looked down, a pit in my stomach. “I just didn’t want to make you think about… it.”

“‘It’?” She spoke the word with all the intonation of a question while her face showed she knew the answer. “Tell me. What do you keep avoiding? Or crying about? Or what is causing the guilt that stinks like rot on your soul?”

I stared at Rose in surprise, taken aback by her words. “I don’t know what you’re saying.”

She sighed, huffing, annoyed, frustrated. Emotions radiated off of her like a flaming crimson aura. “I’m saying to quit playing the guilt card.”

“I’m— I’m not trying to—”

“Oh, boo hoo, woe is me, I killed my sister,” she mocked, hands in the air. She straightened back up and leveled her eyes at me. “Are you going to keep up that ridiculous attitude forever!?”

“Rose, please,” I stumbled over my words as I searched for what to say, “I’m not putting up an act—”

“Yeah yeah, you feel bad! Are you going to let that stop you from moving on!?”

“I’m not—”

“You are! You won’t stop looking at me with pity, with sympathy, like some kicked pup. Every time you use me for magic, it’s hesitant and weakwilled! You don’t even realize you’re holding back, do you?” Her voice grew with her frustration and I cowered. “Do you expect me to coddle you every night? To comfort you as you wallow in self pity over your own action!? To tell you how it’s ok, don’t think about it, you’re all good!? You. Killed. Me!”

Those words took mine from my mouth, not that I could have had any with her steely glare. She spoke with the perfect balance of logic and emotion, and I had neither to appeal with.

“Perhaps you don’t quite remember…”

“Wait!” It was too late; I was back in the grove. Rose was still across from me, but this time with her back to that tree. My hands wrapped around the knife that pultruded from her chest.

“You. Killed. Me.” She grabbed the hilt and drove it deeper into her chest. Blood trickled from her mouth as she continued to speak, unhindered. “We had everything!” She waved a hand beside us, where the shop and house sat out of its location, our father lovingly tending a rose bush in front. “I had my whole life ahead of me!” On the other side, the seamstress guild sat, women I never had and never would meet going in and out. “And you took that from me!”

My knees wouldn’t respond. I wanted them to collapse, to let them buckle under me and give in to the urge to weep like an infant. But I couldn’t fall. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t let go of the knife.

“Say it!” she yelled in my face. “Say what you did!”

“I—I… killed you…” My voice shook in tune with my resolve.

“Again!” She drew the knife deeper, grunting as it sheathed itself as far as it could go. “Say it again.”

“…I killed you.” It was a small mercy that I could still look down.

Blood dripped from her chin onto my hands. “Like you mean it!” she grunted. “Look me in the face and own what you did.”

I didn’t hesitate even to nod. I dug my feet into the ground and looked her dead in the eyes. “I killed you!”

“Yes, you did!” she answered. “You killed me. And you’ve made me console you for it all week! Sure you were tricked, but you held the knife. You gave up our lives for your own selfish wish. You need to own that!”

“Y-you’re right.” I did nod, coming to terms with what she was driving at. I looked down at my hands, holding the blade to the wound that seeped blood into her dress. I did that. And I couldn’t keep making her deal with it over and over again. Deal with me over and over again. I killed her, and I needed to accept that, for both of our sakes.

“And what are you going to do about it!? Are you going to cry, and falter, and hesitate, and drag your feet for the rest of your life? Of our life?”

“No!”

“Then make my death worthwhile.”