Zero Evaluation Pt.4

"There's something wrong with what we're doing, Shi-nii. I just can't explain exactly what it is," Tadashi said.

Tadashi was having a hard time expressing himself. Glistening in the moonlight, the chain that bound us was supposed to also connect our feelings.

It was a one-way street.

Entities don't feel emotions the same way humans do. I would even say that the vast majority feel nothing at all. I was an outlier, but even so, I admit that my repertoire of emotional experiences was too limited to understand that feeling reflected back at me. 

A bitterness deep in Tadashi's soul reverberated outward. A mixture of frustration, disappointment... a touch of nostalgia?

It was difficult to interpret.

"I think you're overthinking it, Tadashi. Also, I don't know if this is the best place to discuss it," I pointed out.

Some figures passed by in the hallway outside, interrupting the dim light coming from under the door.

"I know, I know. You're right, I'm an idiot," Tadashi muttered, pulling at his hair nervously.

Trying to calm down, he sat on the bed.

On the bed... ON THE BED?

I quickly pulled him away from there. I’m not sure it was the smartest idea to sit on the bed where the boy we were planning to possess was sleeping. If he woke up and tried to grab our chain again, being in such a confined space would definitely be fatal.

"I-I'm sorry, I..." Unable to find the right words, Tadashi just lowered his head.

Lucky us. The bed was so huge that the vibration from my friend sitting down didn't even reach Tadashi. To say that it was a double bed would be to suggest that it was a bed for a couple of NBA players.

Before deciding to go to the mansion, we talked and debated for hours. Rationally, we both knew that there was no option more ethical or comfortable for accessing that world in corporeal form than Zero. Which meant that everything applied to something more subjective...

I'm terrible with subjectivity.

"Tadashi, I felt a certain nostalgia in you in the storm of emotions that your soul is producing. I don't know how to help you, but I'm listening to you. I'm not going to force you to do anything, so if you want, let’s head out."

I went straight for what I knew, using that fact as support. You may doubt my methods, but I was trying to be a good friend.

"N-no... we can't leave. This is a golden opportunity, it's just that... I don't know, everything here feels like déjà vu. For example, look at this room."

Déjà vu?

A purely human phenomenon, but I knew what he meant.

The feeling of being in a place or situation you've been in before, but never have.

It's a confusing definition, for sure.

Entities experience something similar, but it’s directed at humans rather than at ourselves. Humans are an endless repetition — a constant remix of their ancestors' decisions. It's not the same thing; mysticism lies behind empty memories, without substance.

I wonder what exactly that is? It's not my place to say, but perhaps it's a stored memory from past lives? I wouldn't know, I don't know what comes after death, I'm a dividing line with limited vision.

However, what Tadashi was experiencing was a literal memory of a past life. It was not a déjà vu.

Upon closer inspection, I finally understood the similarities.

That empty room, where there was only a bed and a closet. The boring and repetitive daily life, without any human warmth. A flawed boy with no expression, no friends, or even a clear goal. That whole situation was a broken record, refusing to show anything very different.

All that despair and anxiety. He was slipping away, trapped in the echoes of his past daily life — I had to intervene.

"I understand what you're saying... but I think you're getting a little lost in the similarities. Zero has no choice to be different, no soul or will inhabits his body. I watched you for a long time, and even though superficially I didn't see much, the details were full of passion. Your life had meaning."

"Yes, it did. I sacrificed all my potential, family, and world for this opportunity. I thought I would go to a new body, where I would have a chance to develop, and when I was my age, I would be ready for adventures, to help people…."

To be put to the test and win!

That thought mixed with his words, resonating through his soul.

Yeah… I guess I understood everything wrong.

"I'm going straight to a position similar to mine after a short time. What if I get used to everyday life again, blending in and forgetting my goals? I'll have thrown everything away for something just like what I already had. There is magic here, but what difference will it make if I become... I don't know, a magic salaryman."

Yes, there was magic in this world. Mechas, dragons, and... Well, that's what we saw.

What if these characteristics are rare and the rest is as similar to our world as possible? No matter how much caviar you put on a sandwich, it's still a sandwich. A gourmet everyday world, that's what could be offered to us.

"We have to choose. There's no way around it, but if we just stay in the ‘what if’ stage, we won't be able to move forward,” I said, approaching Tadashi." The adventure may not be guaranteed, but together I am sure we can achieve it.”

"Yeah, I know, but I also don't want it all to be in vain. This Zero's evaluation feels like a Zero evaluation — with no conclusion at all."

A whirlwind of memories and information ran through Tadashi's mind:

"His family is much stricter than mine. We don't know anything about magic, so would it be smart to go straight to a school for that? Besides, they might realize that we stole his body."

I moved away a little. Tadashi’s soul, though housed in a corporeal form, wasn’t bound by muscles, ligaments, or bones — it flowed with his emotions. He was moving at a speed I couldn’t keep up with, his soul’s light making even the brightest electronic show lights look dull. He was entering a dangerously intense crisis.

Intrusive thoughts took him over completely, his voice so fast that it couldn't even be heard properly.

"...and we don't even know his name," among the many words, that was the only one that stood out and could be heard.

In response to it, a faint voice projected from behind us.

“...Zack. My name is Zack, but everyone calls me by my last name... Zero.” The pale boy raised his hand, joining his thumb and index finger to form a circle, the symbol for zero.

We both turned to the sleeper who had awakened. The words held Tadashi — like an anchor, holding a drifting boat.

I approached Tadashi, placing my hand on his shoulder:

"Listen carefully, friend. I said that choosing a body had to be our decision, but on second thought, I was wrong. It must be yours,“ I pointed at him, my long, bony phalanx almost touching his nose. ”I am a mere spectator, commentator, perhaps at most a coach. You will be the one to feel the pains of this body."

"I don't know if I can do this, Shi-nii. Look at me, at my clothes.“ Tadashi pulled forward the shirt of the uniform he was wearing. ”When I tried to take shape, I imagined the protagonist of the Chronicles of Zero, but I still ended up like this, a mere student. I'm no protagonist."

"You're not that boy anymore. That's a past your soul is trying to cling to. You negotiated with Death, we invaded the Life's House, we fought against men and even angels. You incarnated several times, and we saw so much that no human being or entity in our original world ever thought of. You even..."

I hated having to wear that outfit again, but if it would help.

"...you even danced jazz in a zombie body. And very well, by the way!"

I said a lot, but in the end, what I wanted to say was:

"You've changed a lot! You just don't realize it because you're stuck in your own perspective. But that's where I come in! I'm here to give you an outside perspective.“ With my fingers, I quite literally opened his eyes. "We talk so freely that you forget that I am a greater concept that underpins the whole world. To think of yourself as an ant before me is too presumptuous."

I grabbed him by the head and gave him a good bony slap:

“What I mean is, if you have the audacity to talk to me like that, you should also have the audacity to make a decision! I'm not asking you to jump at everything the world has to offer, but sometimes you have to be brave!"

With a mixture of laughter and whimpering, I finished my opinion. The whole business of staying quiet was thrown out the window. We were living dangerously, but I can’t lie, we’re having fun.

I never had a friend. 

It was good to have one.

But also to be one.

"You're too hard on yourself."

Tadashi smiled, his messy hair covering his face.

“Promise you'll give me a hard time if I get complacent?”

“Sure thing, bro.” I said, putting Tadashi ahead of Zack. “We won't have this chance for long, his body can barely hold on. So tell me, what will your choice be?”

Tadashi put his hand back on his chin. A doubt crossed his mind: would he be able to return to a situation similar to his own and come out on top? Had he been right when he said he didn’t need a fresh start?

No — he wasn’t thinking about any of those relevant questions.

"Zack Zero… it’s a bit of a quirky name, but in a good way."

Really? That's it?

Well, if he's decided, that's fine.

"Uh-huh. It's decided, let's do it. It'll be a good name to have." Tadashi approached, extending his closed hand. "But we're not just going to invade a body, we're going to make a contract."

A contract? It's a powerful force... I just don't know if it works in this world too.

Ah, but what's the harm in trying? It'll be cool not just to invade the body, but to be welcomed.

I approached Zack too, making the same sign.

"I am Tanaka Tadashi, and I want your body to be mine."

What kind of pimp talk is that, man? Damn, if I had known it would end up like this, I wouldn't have wasted so much breath talking...

STOP IT, I TRIED TO SOUND COOL!

Calm down, this is how you do it:

"I am Death, aka Shi-nii. Under this oath, I promise that if this body provides shelter, we will make greatness a weak word to describe our journeys!"

A 3-pointer for Death!

It's not fair... you have more practice than I do.

Zack began to raise his arms, until:

Smash! A double fist bump.

Tadashi and I exchanged smiles, our particles slowly being pulled toward Zack's center.

Silence filled the room.

The door opened. A girl with black hair and heavy makeup entered the room.

"What the hell? I swear I heard screams coming from here..."

"Don't worry about it, little Linsley. It was just the television. Hehehe... I was listening from outside," replied the old master in the hallway, wearing pajamas and a hat.

"What TV, you crazy old man? Zack doesn't even have one in his room."

"Uh... it must have been the TV in my room then."

"Ah, screw it!" The girl slammed the door shut.

That whole contract had been far more exhausting than when we had done it in my entity form. Even though I wanted more action on my first day in a body, it felt good to just rest and, perhaps, dream.

The possibility... yes, that was infinite.

The next day would be incredible!