The Weight We Carry

After last night, I found it difficult to bring myself not to fall back asleep especially since the only real way to tell time here is through the bells that ring three times a day. Aeris was already awake, perched across from me with that unreadable calm of hers. Breakfast sat between us, the same as always. I wasn’t in the mood to ask for a different plate, seeing the same old majestic, otherworldly, heavenly… [redacted to save time] loaf of citrus scented bread.

I picked up my small loaf, my eyes watering at the sight of true beauty, the way the top of the bread crunches down softly as my fingers push down against it…

“I need help, this bread bit has gone on far enough. At first, I just wanted something to focus on to make me happy here but, maybe I don’t need to force myself to derive happiness from the odd bread anymore.” I thought to myself before giving it a bite and nearly choked. It was dry, rough, flavorless. I set it back down with a groan, the scent of citrus leaving me. “This bread’s going to break my teeth one day.”

I am surprised that I wasn’t sad it was different from before, and I wasn’t surprised that the bread was different. Was I imagining it to be good all this time for the sake of living a lie?

Aeris tilted her head, then smiled faintly. With the softest flick of her fingers, warmth spread through the slice. Steam curled up in little wisps, like it had just come from an oven. She slid it back toward me. “I thought you liked the bread here? I guess it's better fresh, isn’t it?”

I blinked at her, half amused, half suspicious. “You know, I could’ve just chewed harder.”

She chuckled, but it sounded forced. For a moment we both glanced down at our bracelets. Mine sat cold and heavy as ever. Hers glimmered faintly in the light. Nothing happened. Still, I caught the way her eyes lingered a second too long, like she wanted it to mean something more.

After we finished eating, we learned our job for the day was corridor sweeping. A mindless task, dull enough to make me envy the walls themselves. I was half-asleep when Aeris decided to liven things up. With another flick, the broom hopped out of my hands and began sweeping on its own, its bristles scuttling across the stone floor like a drunken crab.

I burst out laughing. “You’re going to get me fired. In my world people were worried about losing their jobs to robots, I guess even in yours the same fear exists but with magic?”

Aeris smiled wider, cheeks pink. “It’s more efficient this, plus it saves on costs.”

“Efficient,” I echoed, taking the broom back from its ridiculous little dance. “But if I don’t sweat even a little, I don’t feel like I’ve actually done anything. Then what would this all be for?”

Her smile faltered for just a second, like my words had stung. “If you say so.” Then, the spell she cast dissolved, and the broom was back under my control.

I noticed the change but said nothing. We kept sweeping, though every few minutes she looked my way, restless, like it was unbearable just watching me work. I wonder why she’s so worried about me.

Later, we were sent to safeguard supplies from getting crushed from the rearranging walls, crates stacked with jars, buckets sloshing full of a dull grey water. I bent down, gripped one of the heavier buckets, and heaved it up with a grunt. My arms trembled, but I managed. I was never one to do much lifting, so I guess my muscles are severely underdeveloped, so it was nice to know that even if I’m late in doing so, I’m actually growing, I’m doing. Out of the corner of my eye, Aeris’s hand twitched once again, and the air around the bucket lightened slightly.

I shook my head, tightening and readjusting my grip. “Don’t. I’ve got this.”

Her lips parted, an unspoken protest caught in her throat. She froze, hands clasping together instead. I staggered forward a few steps, muscles straining, but I made it. By the time I set the bucket down, my shirt clung with sweat. I turned back with a crooked grin. “See? No disasters.”

She smiled too, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Her fists were hidden behind her back, clenched tight. It was as if she wanted, no, she needed to be helpful. I wish she’d know that her presence was more than enough, more than I deserved.

For a fleeting moment, the look in her eyes wasn’t worry, it was something sharper, almost desperate. Like she couldn’t stand the thought of me carrying weight without her. It was strange. I’d only known her here, yet sometimes I felt as if she was staring at me, seeing someone else entirely. She told me I reminded her of someone, I guess she forgets I’m not him, but maybe she wishes I were.

The walk back to our cell was quieter than usual. Aeris kept her gaze on the floor, and for once I was the one filling the silence. It felt awkward trying to speak up but once I started, that burden was lifted.

“Funny,” I said, tugging at the metal around my wrist. “The bracelet doesn’t feel as heavy these days. At first, I thought they were like handcuffs but now, I’m not so sure”

She lifted her head slightly, eyes unreadable. “Is… that a good thing?”

“I think so. It might mean I’m getting better, more self-reliant. Like one day not too far from know the eye looking back at me through the bracelet will be wide open, and for some reason or other, we’ll be set free from here.”

Her steps slowed, but she nodded as she started poking and scratching her bracelet. “That’s… good.”

When we reached the cell, I noticed her subtly holding out her hand as her fingertips began to faintly glow. Once she realized I was watching, she pulled it back, a little too quickly. “I just wanted to say good night,” she whispered, her voice uneven. For the briefest second, I thought I heard another name tremble on her lips, not mine, but someone else’s. Everett. She shut her eyes as if she could smother the slip, then gave a brittle smile. “You should rest. You’ll need your strength.”

The glow hadn’t gone away, though. It clung to the edges of the air, a warmth so gentle it was hard to resist. I felt my body grow heavy, as if the cot were swallowing me whole. My thoughts slowed, blurred, and by the time I wanted to question her, my eyes had already fallen shut.

And then I was back in the same dream.

When I opened them again, I was back at the school gates. The world was unnaturally still, colors muted as though washed in rainwater. The warmth from before lingered faintly on my wrist, but already it was slipping, thinning, as if the dream itself refused to let it stay.

As I stepped forward, my chest grew hollow. Aeris’s face blurred first, then her voice, then even the weight of the prison walls. I tried to hold onto the details, the citrus scent of bread, the clink of our bracelets, the way she always looked at me too long, but they slipped through my mind like sand. Even college, my life before, frayed at the edges, unreal, untouchable.

By the time my hands pressed against the gates, I had almost nothing left. Just the sense that I was meant to keep moving forward. I pushed them open, and whatever fragments of memory still clung to me scattered like dust in the wind.