Man vs Orc

Hello goddess, the last time we had a chat I questioned why we placed me in the middle of nowhere. However, I now call upon you for aid. As for the reason…

“LEAVE ME ALONE YOU GIANT PIG!”

“OINK!!!!!”

This guy has been chasing me with the most lustful gaze in his eyes. Just how hungry can you ge-Oh right, he’s a pig. They eat anything…

...I’m actually about to die aren’t I?

“OINNNNKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!”

Why is he so mad! I get you’re hungry but-

*Smash*

I can hear trees toppling behind me, just how strong is this guy? After a while I stop hearing him behind me, am I safe? I don’t know why, but why do I feel like I’m still in danger? Crap, don’t tell me this is one of those moments from the horror movies! When the main character turns around and the killer is right behind them! No that can’t be, I don’t even hear the guy moving behind me. With how big he is, I should be able to hear him. I have no choice, I have to break horror movie rule#24! I gotta look at what’s behind me. I slowly turn my head as I run, and right before I can look over my shoulder.

“...Oink.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”

HE WAS RIGHT BEHIND ME, HE WAS TROLLING ME! YOU STUPID PIG! I immediately enter a mad dash, the Orc charging behind me. I started climbing a tree in order to escape it, only for the Orc to start ramming the tree. It’s alright, it’ll get tired and leave soon and then I’ll be safe.

*Snap*

...Did I just hear the sound of tree bark breaking?

*Wobble*

“Please no, not like this!”

“Oink!”

I looked at what awaited me below, a fat orc with his saliva filled mouth open. I’m heading for a watery grave aren’t I? That was when it happened, the tree began to fall over. Luckily for me however, it fell in the opposite direction of the Orc. I should be happy about this, but I’ve gotta ask.

“WHY AM I RIDING A FALLING TREE IN THE FIRST PLACE!”

*CRASH*

****

“Oink…Oink!”

That fat bugger is still searching for me, luckily I landed on a mushroom on my way down. Makes you wonder why this guy keeps searching for me, besides that I gotta think of something. If nothing changes he’s gonna find out where I am and come after me, maybe I can rub something on myself to hide my scent. I don’t see any turds or herds I can use though, maybe I can use spores from the mushroom I landed on? No, what if they have a paralysis effect! I better think of something fast before-

*Plop*

I turned my head following the sounds of the noise, only to see a cute slime hopping by. AW! It’s so adorable...Wait a minute, I could use this to my advantage. I pick up a rock, but then consider what I’m about to do. If my plan works then this innocent little slime is gonna get butchered, but if I don’t do this then I’m back on the menu. This isn’t like how things went with Anteater, this is life or death. Sorry slime, this isn’t personal! I threw the rock in the direction of the slime, the Orc heard it and immediately went in its direction. With the Orc gone I began to make my daring escape, but that’s when I looked back at it and saw it cornering that poor slime. The little guy was about as big as a soccer ball, it had tears in its eyes as the Orc moved closer to it. Then that’s when it happened, our eyes crossed. Why are you doing this to me, you know I have a weakness for cute things don’t you! I know I’m about to regret this, but I’m not trying to live a life of regret. I picked up another stone and threw it at the Orc.

“Oink?”

“HEY UGLY, YOU WANT ME RIGHT! WELL COME AND GET ME!”