Why Is The Universe Not In My Favor?

Of course, I missed with my first shot. I hesitated; even in this situation, I couldn't simply shoot at a living creature, even though it was charging at me. The cats separated, and we retreated, hoping to stumble upon something that would prevent them from attacking us from behind. A huge boulder helped, but I knew the threat could now also come from above.

I asked Renet to keep an eye out for them; I had to protect him at all costs, even though he acted as if he were about to fight. I wasn't even going to tell him not to, and he wouldn't have listened anyway. However, he pointed me in the direction where he'd spotted one of our opponents. Luckily for me, this particular cat seemed starving and wanted to quickly sink its fangs into us. His carelessness gave me a chance for a clear shot. I tried to convince myself it was either the cats or us, but the sight of an arrow piercing the body of an animal that, in its final moments, had looked at me reproachfully shocked me. I didn't have time to dwell on it; the death of its companion didn't exactly make the other one happy. A pitiful sound went through the air, made by this animal; worse, it came from somewhere high above. I felt its eyes on me, its anger, and I knew it would attack quickly, but above all, unexpectedly. It was fleeing all the time. I couldn't aim. Even Renet had trouble spotting it, and unfortunately, he became a target.

The cat must have sensed that he was the momentarily weaker one. I jumped back as they struggled and watched them in horror. I couldn't aim properly, afraid of hurting Renet. One second I was sure I'd hit, but I couldn't decide to shoot because the next, my beloved was already there. Too much momentum, too much for me to keep up with. The longer it went on, the more terrified I became that I couldn't help him, and he was still trying to catch my eye. When he succeeded, he smiled at me tenderly, as if a large cat hadn't just tried to rip out his throat.

"I trust you, Kyo," was all he said, and that was the only thing that really worked for me.

I calmed my breathing and my hands, tightening my grip on the crossbow. I had someone to protect, and that was exactly what I intended to do. Just before the shot, I held my breath and squeezed the trigger, only because Renet believed in me. The cat fell, and I followed immediately after, clutching my stomach, trying not to retch. I didn't think I could ever get used to this.

"Are you okay?" I heard a worried voice and felt hands helping me up.

"Yes," I muttered. "But I don't want to kill anymore."

"But… "

"No, please, I don't want to hear this. Let's keep going. We have to catch up with the army."

My legs continued to shake for a while, and Renet couldn't understand why I was so emotional about this fight. And even if I explained it to him, and he wanted to understand, he couldn't. I didn't blame him; some things couldn't be avoided, as long as I didn't have to watch someone eat princess-style again. I knew it was an exceptional situation, but still, if I could avoid killing cats, I wouldn't, but they didn't seem to want to be scratched behind the ears. At least I was convinced that this wasn't something that recording had any effect on me. I was afraid I'd like it, but luckily…

The journey seemed endless, but we had to catch up with Michael. I assumed the battle would take place the next day, that the troops on both sides would be rested, that no one would dare disturb them, that this was something they'd been waiting for, after all. And what a symbolic date, between the birthdays of those spoiled brats, because that's exactly how both Sevia and Michael behaved. I want to play war, and only my way, and have the other one cry when they lose. Only, they didn't seem to realize they weren't playing with figurines but with human lives. My blood pressure rose at the thought; I needed something else to occupy my mind for a moment.

"Renet, what about your parents?"

"Why do you ask?" Renet stopped and looked at me intently, searching for a reason for me to bring this up.

"Out of curiosity." I shrugged. "Besides, I've been wondering for some time why your sister holds power. I mean, shouldn't she be queen, or you king?"

"I doubt I'll ever succeed." He smiled at me, as if it didn't bother him at all. "Sevia is younger than me, but she's definitely better suited for this. Our mother is dead, and our father decided he deserved a break and left everything to us, or rather, to her. No one expects me to be involved, but I guess they couldn't ignore my disappearance. Maybe that contributed to her decision to attack earlier, but now I'm not sure."

"You're not very close," I noted. "Wouldn't you like it to be different? I sometimes regretted not having a closer relationship with my family, and now I have none here." I sighed heavily, but I had already accepted that this couldn't be changed.

"We're too different, and besides, Sevia probably never fully believed I didn't want to be in charge." He explained quickly and pondered for a moment. "Kyo, maybe this isn't the time for such declarations, but whatever happens, you can treat me like family. We're friends, after all."

The last word carried a lot of pain, even though he said it with a smile. I kicked myself for emphasizing it so strongly earlier. Now I couldn't bring myself to confess my feelings or at least give Renet a clear sign that I wanted something more. Ugh, I couldn't concentrate; war here, heartache there; how was I supposed to manage it all? It seemed I had to focus on the latter; I had to solve the former, but I still had no concrete ideas.

We climbed a small hill. Although my ankle was getting better, the day-long walk had worn me out, so Renet had overtaken me a bit. I don't know where this sudden surge of courage came from; maybe the scenery was romantic, the setting sun, and so on.

"Renet, I wish…"

I caught up with him, and from here there was a truly beautiful view of the valley and the military camps stationed opposite each other. No, I had to save the confession of my feelings for later.