Selfmade Sacrifice

We stared at the image for a long time; it seemed so close, yet so distant because of what it represented. Actual participation in the fight still seemed too abstract. Admittedly, Renet and I could have waited it out somewhere, hidden, escaped, or whatever, yet I decided to come here. Whether it was driven by illusory heroism, stupidity, or the love that fueled my desire for a peaceful world, I didn't care. We were so close; it felt like only a few steps separated us from the field where everything would unfold, though in reality, there was still a long way to go. The Dragonid also gazed at the landscape, but this time his thoughts were a mystery to me.

"Neither of them will attack before dawn." He nodded in satisfaction. "This victory must be won openly in the sunlight, not by deception in the moonlight." He looked around and lay down under a nearby tree. "We'll have a good view from here, but we also need to rest. We're both exhausted." He gestured to the seat next to him, and I sat down, wrapping my arms around my legs.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, despite appearances, Michael and Sevia are a bit alike," he laughed gently. "But they'd sooner kill you than admit it."

"I had that impression too," I muttered thoughtfully.

It took me a while to realize Renet was staring at me pleadingly. I straightened my legs so he could rest his head on my thigh. I could see him relaxing then, while I still couldn't seem to get myself together. After all, I wondered what was really going on in Renet's head, as if he didn't care at all about what was about to happen. Somewhere, automatically, I reached out and started stroking his head. The scales still felt strange to the touch, but I could get used to them. I just hoped he wouldn't hold it against me for not accepting him in his true form right away. Something intrigued me.

"Do you have little horns?"

"Mhhm." Renet began to doze off. "Kyo, no matter what happens, I'm glad you're here," he whispered, and a moment later he was asleep.

I didn't want to disturb him; he must have been exhausted both physically and mentally. I liked the change that this time I could take care of him instead of him taking care of me. For a moment, I wondered if, if not for the circumstances, the relationship we'd built would have been the same, if it had even begun. Would we be attracted to each other if I'd been born in this world,or he in mine? Renet could have been some kind of boss or director, but then again, I couldn't imagine him in a suit. No, definitely not; he's an artist. I smiled to myself; I had to think that no matter how or where, something would have drawn us together.

I managed to fall asleep for a moment. Renet started to squirm a little. I woke up because of that, and he only calmed down when I grabbed his hand. I couldn't sleep anymore, so I stared at the small bright spots, probably fires, around which sat soldiers who, like me, couldn't sleep. Oh, I wished I could talk to them. Would they feel the same? Fear, or perhaps it was excitement that kept them awake. They were talking or silent, each lost in their own thoughts? I wondered if everything was alright with Michael. Just as he appeared in my thoughts, Rebeta let out a sort of growl in his sleep.

"Are you that jealous?" I laughed softly, then sighed heavily as a tentative plan for the next day began to form in my head. After all, I managed to sleep for a while longer.

The sun rose lazily, as if it too didn't want to witness the coming event. But it couldn't abandon its duties to the world; I was glad that something else shared my opinion. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't some solemn atmosphere, as if everyone had resigned themselves to what was about to happen. Both armies prepared in silence until they faced each other. Although everyone seemed eager to do so, no one could give the first signal to attack.

I didn't want to wake Renet yet; he was sleeping so peacefully, after all, without chains or fear of being discovered. And finally, I steeled myself to finally do what I'd planned. I couldn't hesitate, because he would surely stop me, and I couldn't let him do that this time. I gently pushed Renet's head off my lap and stood up to get a clearer view of what was happening.

Movement on both sides was noticeable. I guess Sevia and Michael had decided to talk some more. They stepped forward, met in the center, and actually exchanged a few words, then turned to their own men and signaled for the attack. Only then did the silence break with screams, sending shivers down my spine. I firmly confirmed that I didn't want to be there. Renet appeared next to me, rubbing his eyes.

"So it's begun," he commented curtly. "What now?

"Could you take human form for a moment?" I tightened my grip on the crossbow.

He did so, though he didn't understand why I was asking. I was grateful he didn't question it, because I would have lost all the courage I was mustering if I had ever admitted out loud what I was planning. I took a deep breath and pulled Renet close to me for a kiss. In that one gesture, I wanted to convey everything I felt but couldn't yet put into words.

I surprised him, and for a moment, all the sounds of the battle disappeared. Of course, I wanted this moment to last forever, but I'd rather replay it than not have just this one to remember forever. Renet hugged me so tightly, as if he sensed my plan, but we finally had to pull away. We stared into each other's eyes for a long moment. He wanted to speak first, but I stopped him.

"Thank you for bringing me here." I smiled at him. I didn't know which of us was more embarrassed. "And I'm sorry."

I hit him in the head with the crossbow and watched him fall to the ground, unconscious. I placed him under a tree and made sure the bleeding wasn't severe. After that, I wasn't proud of myself, but I was devastated by my attitude. I took one last look at him and ran towards the battlefield. I had to reach these young idiots and shake them up a bit. There, I was surrounded by moans of pain, screams of agony, the whistle of arrows, and the flapping of the Dragonids' great wings. I felt as if even the blood soaking into the ground was somehow calling to me, demanding my attention, screaming accusingly from beneath the bodies of the fallen that I had failed, that it was my fault. This made every step harder, even though I had a clear goal.

I wasn't afraid of dying before I got there; I felt the world expected it of me. But how many more people would die before I succeeded? I quickened my pace; Sevia and Michael, fighting on equal terms, were getting closer. I didn't have time to think about how to stop them; I simply stepped between them. Then I felt blows from both sides. I looked at them both shocked, first one, then the other, and managed to convey the message before I collapsed.

"It is you who must bring down the Wall."

Then a roar reverberated, so full of pain; whatever it was must have had an effect, because suddenly everything fell silent. Yes, I liked it; maybe I had finally managed to do something meaningful. I could die in peace; I had survived here for over two weeks, better than I had initially expected. I wished them all, especially Renet, luck.