What I Never Wanted to See (Renet's POV)

I didn't know why I'd been drawn to the Wall since childhood. Maybe it was because, when we were little, our nanny would tell me stories about humans. She said that among her very distant ancestors was a human. She shouldn't have, yet my curiosity about the other side couldn't be satisfied, not when I'd already answered my first question. In her stories, people seemed so different, yet so fascinating. I'd escape whenever I could, climb the Wall and peek, but I never managed to see anyone there. I knew I couldn't just walk over there, because I could easily handle it, but not in this form.

In the end, I was so determined to meet them. I knew about magic, but not how to use it. The first time I managed to take on human form was when I was twelve, but only for ten seconds. Then I practiced like crazy and was careless. Sevia caught me doing it once and decided she should learn it too, just in case. But that gave her a leg up. Then, when I finally made it to the other side, I met an old artist there. I never learned his name, and he never learned mine. He called me "Apprentice," and I called him "Master." He passed on a lot of knowledge to me, and on his deathbed, he left me his house, his materials, and a letter to Wilhelm asking him to take care of me. I guess I was just lucky.

Painting became my passion, but I never dared to include people in my paintings. I observed them and got to know them, but I didn't form any close relationships, even though they were absolutely forbidden. The first person I depicted with paints and brushes was Kyo. I would close my eyes and imagine someone I felt close to, and then he would appear. When I finished, I couldn't put it away, let alone sell it. It felt like it had suddenly become a part of me, and with each passing day, I felt the figure in it not only attract my attention but also grow closer. I would catch myself staring at it for hours, imagining us talking, and then it only got worse. I took it everywhere with me, which only prompted my mind to project it alongside me. Others would point out that I was smiling sheepishly or bursting into laughter because it seemed to me the person in my painting had told a great joke.

One time, I talked to Wilhelm for a while, and the topic turned to love. I asked him what that even meant. I made him laugh, but he was kind enough to try to explain it to me. That's when I realized I had fallen in love with my own painting. On the one hand, I was happy because it was a completely new and pleasant feeling, but on the other, I regretted that it was the only option I had. Over time, however, I began to feel that it wasn't enough, and I suffered. I even considered destroying the painting to make it stop, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, even though I was already holding it over the fire.

At first, I didn't believe he could have arrived, but from the start, I felt it was my fault. I regretted not having found him first, that he had to go through all this, so I helped him, but I was afraid of a direct confrontation, just like my sister, who had taken over as a father in the meantime. Of course, I followed him; I wanted to continue helping him, to see if he was the same as I imagined him to be; he turned out to be even better, so I quickly fell in love with him all over again. I had no idea if I was giving myself away or not, but I also didn't know how to read his behavior. I enjoyed every moment of closeness.

Still, I hesitated to go further with him then, but I also knew it was my only chance to spend some more time with him. I couldn't pass it up, even though I knew the risk. I was sure that when Kyo learned the truth and Michael captured me, it was the end, especially since I hadn't seen him for a while, which seemed like infinity in the prison. Strongly, I told myself he'd been tricked, that he was already on the side of the humans, yet he came for me and freed me. After talking to Michael, I was so afraid he'd take him away from me, but at that moment, I was overjoyed and wanted to escape with him, as far away from the humans as possible, from the Children of Heaven and Earth, especially my sister, from the war, from everything. I knew full well Kyo would never agree to that.

I couldn't guess what was going through his mind, but I was tormented by unpleasant premonitions. The kiss surprised me, but above all, it made me happy, so I didn't expect him to knock me unconscious a moment later. Fortunately, not for long, but enough for him to distance himself quite far. However, some time passed before I recovered and realized where he was.

I witnessed a strange scene: he was walking among the fighting men, but they paid him no attention. Strangely, all the lost arrows and the claws and fangs of my brethren avoided him. It was as if he had an invisible shield around him. I looked around, searching for his goal. My gaze landed on Sevia and Michael, but Kyo didn't look like he intended to separate them. I froze as I realized what he was thinking. My legs gave out, and I fell. I knew I wouldn't have made it. He was going to get himself killed for the cause because he didn't want to kill or see death himself. He had decided to sacrifice himself, hoping that whatever would get to those fools. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. My heart was pounding faster and faster, stopping when he received simultaneous blows from both sides, and a moment later, he collapsed.

At that moment, I let out a howl of despair, losing the love I'd had for so short a time. Kyo didn't deserve this; I had no intention of bringing him here, and even if I had, it wouldn't have been for this purpose. It hurt so terribly; it hurt like someone had ripped my heart in half. Suddenly, I felt a surge of strength when I saw those who had killed him touching his body. I spread my wings, momentarily fueled not by love but by suffering and rage. I landed next to his body, took him in my arms, and hugged him, covering him with my wings. Then, I didn't want anyone to get close to him, and all I could do was cry, for him, for myself, because I already knew this would change me forever and for the future we could build together. And I would have given anything to help him.