Powerless Before You

Nine days had passed since I first met her.

We had been walking east the whole time. We were probably getting close to where she lived. If that were true, I would soon have to say goodbye to her.

I would be on my own again.

Would I feel sad? Probably, though it wouldn’t be the only emotion.

We hadn’t been together long, but she had left an impact on me. Seeing her go would definitely hurt, even if only a little.

Was “sadness” the right word? Either way, a part of me would be left with her, leaving me hollow.

But loneliness wasn’t even the worst problem

If I was right about the abuse she suffered in the village, leaving her there would be dangerous. It could very well destroy her.

My chest tightened at the very thought.

But I felt utterly powerless. I had no right to take her from her family. I wasn’t even sure if there was an abusive relationship going on. This could all be purely speculation on my part.

Reflecting on these problems was important, but I should try to ignore them right now, as they could lead me to do something I shouldn’t. I would give it more consideration when we were close enough to see the town.

Today, she woke just minutes after me. I wasn’t sure whether I had made too much noise with my bag or if she just woke up on her own. I hadn’t had the time to meditate or to light the campfire yet.

I grabbed the usual stones I used to kindle the fire back to life and attempted to do just that.

I couldn’t shake off the guilt. Leaving her where she might be harmed went against the promise I made to protect her.

I struck the stones with shaky hands, my clumsy attempts barely sparking. She waited patiently, watching without complaint.

After a while, I was able to calm myself down and achieve the rekindling of the fire. She didn’t seem to mind the wait. She looked at me with a cheerful smile when I finally did it.

This time I gave her some of the mushrooms and sticks and showed her how to cook them. She happily took the challenge, copying my every movement and planting the stick next to the fire, leaving the mushrooms to roast.

We patiently waited together as the mushrooms darkened over the flames.

I didn’t know whether I was doing this for her, to teach her to survive on her own, or if my desire for her independence was really just selfish.

Was I looking for ways to help her escape? I was flawed, incompetent, incapable of saving her even when I tried my best.

After checking on the mushrooms, I showed her when to take them off the blazes. We blew on them and ate them. Their firm but chewy texture filled my mouth.

Anxiety tangled itself through my body, but the knots seemed to loosen up every time I chewed. The slow, repetitive motion calmed me down.

I kept roasting more and giving them to Yrish since she still looked hungry.

When we finished eating, I looked at her and pointed to the bonfire. While I packed our things, she recited the same chant and smothered the flames.

For all the time we had been together, she hadn’t used anything besides that chant. Was that the only spell she knew?

She hadn’t helped when I struggled to light the fire. Maybe she couldn’t use fire magic. Or any magic at all. Though I still didn’t know if other spells even existed.

Was she scared of using anything else after I frightened her the first time? Maybe that was enough to keep her from trying again.

I still hadn’t forgiven myself for that, but I wouldn’t press her.

I went back to her and patted her head. I helped her up and held her hand as we headed toward the stream.

I didn’t know if what I felt was something close to a paternal instinct, but I was afraid of letting go of her hand. I wanted to stay by her side. I wanted to grab the time we still had together, gripping it as strongly as possible. Though not literally. I didn’t want to crush her hand.

We had been walking for close to two hours when I felt my hand being progressively squeezed tighter. Yrish started walking slower all of a sudden, a puzzled look on her face.

She scanned the scenery from left to right, still holding the same puzzled expression.

She abruptly let go of my hand, her face suddenly alight with recognition.

Her face shone as she repeated the word “Tristte” multiple times and pointed in a direction straying away from the stream’s path.

She seemed to recognise the area and was gesturing towards her village. I wasn’t sure if “Tristte” meant village or town or was simply its name, but she was clearly delighted to find it.

“You did well!” I told her. I gently smiled and patted her on the head, although internally conflicted.

She was clearly glad to recognise the place. Did that joy mean she longed to leave me? Had I been imagining her fear all along, the abuse, everything?

Just the thought stung more than I wanted to admit. I couldn’t prove anything, but it hurt. A persistent pain, enough that I couldn’t ignore it. Like the buzz of an insect during the night.

I couldn’t see the village from here, so I had no way to tell how far it was, but we likely wouldn’t reach it today. It would probably be better to stay near the creek, even if just for some extra time. That way, we could drink before heading directly towards it.

“Let's continue this way for a bit. Okay?” I advised, gesturing to continue following the stream.

She complied, apparently knowledgeable of the area and able to reach the village from anywhere nearby.

Upon walking for some hours, with barely any more shifts in elevation and stopping to eat berries in between, she began pulling lightly on my shirt and pointed almost perpendicularly to the brook as it continued to stray, heading northeast.

Darkness hadn’t set yet. The sun still hung in the sky. However, after thinking for a few seconds, I decided it was better to stop here for today. I didn’t want to risk not reaching the village before sunset and end up going without water.

Even if unconsciously, the choice was certainly biased. It gave me more time with Yrish before we had to part.

I laughed, barely recognising myself anymore.

Could someone really change that much? A month ago, I was avoiding everyone, but now I didn’t want to let go.

We distanced ourselves from the stream and looked for a nice place to rest.

Soon, we came across a rocky hill with a small tree to its left. Its foliage shaded the ground, and the rocks blocked the western wind.

I picked up some leaves and piled them together beneath the tree, putting down my backpack beside it.

When the girl eventually understood I was setting up camp for the night, her face lit up. She immediately ran towards me, leaping into a big hug.

I blinked, caught off guard.

She seemed ecstatic to know we would stay together another day before she had to go back.

Suddenly, the worries I had been dragging around for hours felt shallow. What I had convinced myself was a completely one-sided bond never had been.

I smiled and held her tighter.

We settled down, waiting for the time to pass. We had already gathered all the berries nearby but didn’t find any more mushrooms.

While munching on some of the berries, wanting to leave the rest for tomorrow morning, I started preparing to make the campfire. It was still early, but building it now would give us more time to relax in its warmth later.

Then, a sound I had nearly forgotten echoed through the trees.