「Chapter 5: Izumi Suzukuma Makes Her Move」

Building up the courage to confess your love to someone. Going to the length of buying chocolates for your crush only for them to reject you, in the end, can really hurt one's heart.

But in this case, Izumi Suzukuma didn't know how to feel. Instead of her crush, Haru Nishikawa, giving a straightforward answer, as she expected, he left his feelings ambiguous by running away.

It definitely wasn't the outcome she had expected.

So, in the end, she was left standing alone at the station, baffled at what had transpired.

"W-what did I do wrong? I followed all the steps shown on that website."

Yes, even though Suzukuma had watched countless dramas, rom-com, and has read dozens of romance novels, due to her shy and reserved nature, she still needed an online guide to help her confess.

She brought out her phone to refer back to the website. Like she had remembered, the steps were clear as day and she had followed them to the letter.

Step 1: Introduce yourself.

Step 2: Be kind to them.

Step 3: Get to know them and spend some time together.

Step 4: Show your affection for them through a gesture.

Step 5: Confess your love for them.

Step 6: Marriage!!

Of course, even Suzukuma knew that that last step was just a joke, but she did believe that the few that came before were a legitimate strategy. So now she was confused as to what she had done wrong. She wasn’t expecting this. She had prepared for a possible rejection but this reaction just left her baffled. Good thing that the same website had other methods listed.

She scrolled down on her phone to find another list of tips and tricks, ones marketed as being a last resort.

If all else fails, you can try these few things to get your loved one’s attention.

Step 1: Be confident.

This was something that Suzukuma knew she was always bad at. Even holding eye contact with Nishikawa sent her heart into a frenzy. It took all her might to go up and give him a gift, and even then she failed to pass off as confident. She now wondered if that shyness of hers was the reason he had run away.

Step 2: Dress Flatteringly

This was definitely something she couldn’t do much about, especially on a school day. There was no time for her to have gone home, changed clothes, and then given Nishikawa her gift. Not to mention that most of her wardrobe consisted of either neutral or childish clothing. She didn’t have a big bust nor the curves of a runway model, not to mention she wasn’t very tall. So because of that she never thought about buying anything too fancy. And now Suzukuma thought that Nishikawa just didn’t find her attractive.

Step 3: Flirt.

If clothing was a huge problem, then this would need a miracle in order to solve it. Suzukuma knew that flirting with your crush was a key factor in winning them over, but that was a tough hurdle to overcome. She had asked Nishikawa to tutor her for this exact reason so that she could have some alone time with him in order to be able to flirt with him--though, the extra help with her studies was still a blessing.

But as you might assume, Suzukuma was absolutely horrible at this, a complete trainwreck. If it wasn’t concerning what they were studying, any sentence she tried to form would come out as mere mumbles or would be whispers that Nishikawa didn’t even notice. Suzukuma was hopeless in this field. No number of online videos could hope to teach her how to flirt. It just wasn’t what she was built for.

Step 4: Get Physical.

Just reading this step made her blush. She couldn’t imagine herself getting up close and personal with Nishikawa. She was certain that if Nishikawa were to hug her that she would yelp and run away. She didn’t know if her heart could handle that sort of excitement. Even accidentally touching his hand would spike her blood pressure, not to mention the times when Nishikawa explained things from over her shoulder. The gentle breaths that ran past her ear as he explained a topic to her made her feel ecstasy while at the same time wanting to run away.

Suzukuma’s eyes move further down the page. Though she had studied the steps before, she hadn’t really taken a look at the ones below them, but now that she read the next step, her eyes bulged.

Step 5: Wear Lingerie.

For someone like Suzukuma, reading such a line made it feel like her innocence was being taken away. Regardless, doing something like that was absolutely unacceptable. Like, how would she even do that? She wouldn't even have the courage to buy something like that. She could already imagine the weird stares she’d receive from the cashiers. Not to mention that there was no way that she would be able to strip in front of Nishikawa.

This was beginning to be too much for Suzukuma. She was never the type of girl that read up on or imagined these sorts of things. Heck, she still watched the same shows her little brother watched. She has been raised as too good of a girl and now anything of this nature made her blush.

But these were the sorts of things she never imagined. Her face was so warm that she feared she might be getting a fever.

And so, with an earnest heart, she scrolled down to the final step.

Step 6: Get in b--

That’s it. Not being able to handle what she had just read, Suzukuma closed the website and dropped her phone into her bag. Her face had gotten so red that she felt like everyone in the station was staring at her. She had to get home as soon as possible, the anxiety was killing her.

And after all, she had to get ready for Saturday. In an effort to try to get closer with Nishikawa, she purposely canceled their study session tomorrow and suggested that they could meet up at Nishikawa’s house on Saturday instead. To her surprise, he agreed without any push back. And now she was having second thoughts about it.

But it was necessary. If she wanted Nishikawa to fall in love with her, she was going to have to go above and beyond. So maybe doing some of the things on the second list would be worth it or even necessary. And for that reason, she needed the whole day tomorrow to be ready not just mentally but physically as well.

And so, Izumi Suzukuma scurried home to get ready.

*      *      *

Standing at the door of her crush's house, Suzukuma stared down the doorbell, her finger hovering just over the button. After having hyped herself up the day before she thought that she would not hesitate at this moment, but her shaky hands said otherwise. She could barely hold still the bag of puddings and snacks she bought from the convenience store.

But knowing that she was already twenty minutes late made her anxious and she knew standing outside his door would accomplish nothing. After all, she was here for a reason.

And so, Izumi Suzukuma looked into the abyss and pressed the doorbell.

"Hello, Suzukuma," Nishikawa said with a smile.

"S-s-sorry that I...was late…" Even if she had made up her mind to enter the abyss, it still didn't mean that she wasn’t terrified. But what made her even more scared was the fact that Nishikawa didn’t show a hint of awkwardness after what happened two days ago.

Nishikawa invited her in and they both climbed up to the second floor. Their home was quite neat and tidy, and Suzukuma couldn’t help but notice how much the house smelled like Nishikawa. But of course, it would smell like that, this is where he lived after all.

“You can sit on the bed if you want while I go get some drinks and snacks.”

Now Suzukuma was left all alone in her crush's bedroom. She had to admit, though, it was a lot cleaner than she thought a boy's room would be. There were no clothes on the ground, every book was neatly tucked away on the shelf, and his bed was well done. The room even smelled like the lilac air freshener her family sometimes used.

Although she was still quite jittery, being in a boy’s room made her excited. Even getting to sit on Nishikawa’s bed was some sort of thrill for her. Wanting to make the most of it, she threw herself back onto the bed and spread her arms out. It was such a comfortable bed and she wished she could sleep in it with him. Nishikawa’s scent was all the more prevalent here, she thought, but that was to be expected.

She sighed while digging her face into his pillows. “I hope he likes what I’m wearing.”

The day before she had gone to a shopping center to pick out new clothes. She wanted to have something new to wear since she doubted any of the clothes she had would make a good impression on Nishikawa. She might have gone a little overboard, though, because she bought three different outfits. She just could decide on one. But today she was wearing a white, short-sleeved top that left her shoulders exposed along with a pink skirt that hung at her knees. She was contemplating whether to wear a shorter skirt but she didn't know how cold it would get today.

She kicked her legs around, her giddiness overwhelming her at the thought of Nishikawa liking her outfit. If that got him to pay attention to her, then she was taking a step in the right direction. All she needed to do then would be to try to get Nishikawa’s heart fluttering.

She heard footsteps coming from outside and she quickly sat up how she had been previously.

"Sorry for the wait," Nishikawa said as he closed the door. He placed the drinks and snacks on his desk and set up a foldable table he had. “So, do you want to start by reviewing yesterday’s notes?”

Suzukuma nodded her head and sat down at the tableside and pulled her notebook out of her school bag and opened it to the notes she had taken the day before. Even though she wasn’t the smartest student, she still tried her best to understand the material.

Twenty minutes passed without anything notable happening. Nishikawa went over and explained the lectures from last week in great detail. She was honestly grateful for Nishikawa’s tutoring. If not for him she'd be totally in some places.

"Oh, can you help me with this problem?" After having gone over yesterday's history lecture, they had started their math homework. The new material they were learning had confused her and so she needed aid.

Nishikawa gladly agreed and slid over next to her. He leaned in closer to examine the problem she was having trouble on, his arm nearly touching her bare shoulder. She could feel his body heat at that distance, and even though it made her happy to be that close to him, it also made her flustered.

She felt too nervous to hold still and could barely manage to breathe steadily. She could start to feel her face grow warm, knowing that she was surely blushing.

And every time that he looked at her, his face so close to hers, she couldn't help but look away. After all these days they had spent together and Suzukuma still couldn't look him in the eyes. She couldn't handle it anymore

"Do you understand--"

"Sorry, I have to use your bathroom."

"Sure, it's the second door to the right."

"Thank you." And just like that, Suzukuma ran out of his room faster than Nishikawa did on White Day.

One in the bathroom, she made sure the door was sealed shut and began to pace back and forth in the bathroom.

"What is wrong with me?" she whispered, careful to not let her voice escape through the walls. “You look like an idiot out there. Get it together.” She looked in the mirror and slapped her cheeks.

Every time she saw her reflection, she could only see a shy and scared little girl who couldn’t even talk to the boy she loved. Every time she was with him, her heart started to race and her legs felt like they were about to give out. She was a hopeless romantic, she thought. No wonder Nishikawa just ran away when she gave him the box of chocolates.

But why did she get scared, she asked herself. It wasn’t like Nishikawa was going to hate her or laugh at her, so she had nothing to worry about. It was just an irrational fear in her mind and she hated that feeling.

“I even confessed to him.” And that’s when she realized. Why was she acting like she was walking on eggshells if she had already expressed her feelings? There should be no reason for her to feel anxious because he already knew that she loved him. If anything, they gave her the liberty to be as direct as she wanted. If she really loved him, then she would have to act like it. It didn’t matter what Nishikawa might think because he already knew her feelings. So she basically could do anything she wanted.

“Then that's what I’ll do.”

Having made up her mind, she gave herself a determined look in the mirror and stepped outside. She walked into Nishikawa’s room without gestation in her stride. Nishikawa was still sitting on the floor looking over his own notes.

“I guess you had too much to drink.”

But Suzukuma didn’t take notice of his remark and instead picked up her workbook, passed the place where she had been, and sat down right next to Nishikawa. She wasn’t even at a distance. She purposefully sat down to where their arms were almost touching.

“Um--”

But before he said anything else, Suzukuma turned to him, blinked, and gave a devilishly cute smile.

“Uhh… That’s...fine, I guess.” Now Nishikawa seemed even more flustered than Suzukuma had been. “W-where did we leave off again?”

“I think it was here,” Suzukuma said, leaning over to show him and making sure she purposely bumped into him. When she gave him a sidelong glance, she could see that his face was starting to redden up.

Yes! It’s working. I hope he likes the smell of my new shampoo.

Yes, Suzukuma had indeed bought a new and expensive shampoo just for this occasion.

“Ok, then, let’s...let’s start there again.”

Suzukuma definitely enjoyed those twenty minutes they spent side by side. Every time Nishikawa explained something to her, she couldn’t help but be mesmerized by his eyes. She couldn’t tell if Nishikawa noticed her gaze in those instances but she also saw that at times he would blush.

“Do you want to take a break?” Suzukuma suggested. Nishikawa nodded and she stood up to get the pudding cups from the bag. “They were short on stock and only these two were left. Do you want the coffee flavored one or the caramel?”

“I’ll take the caramel one, please.”

She handed it over and returned to sit next to him again. Even if it made her and Nishikawa nervous, as long as it led to him falling in love, she would continue to bear the anxiety.

“Mmmm, these are really good,” Nishikawa said after having taken his first spoonful.

“They should be. They are quite popular and are often sold out.” She took a bite out of her own. Just like she expected, though the taste of coffee was a light one, it blended beautifully with the custard which made for an amazing flavor.

And that’s when she got an idea.

“Nishikawa, wanna try some of my pudding?”

“That’s alright, it’s quite a small cup, so I should just let you--”

But Suzukuma didn’t care what his response was and just shoved a spoonful of pudding into his mouth. As Nishikawa struggled to eat the pudding and understand what just happened, she just smiled and giggled. To Suzukuma, it felt like she was on a date.

“It’s delicious, right?”

"Y-yeah. It is. But you shouldn't have just shoved it in my mouth."

"You wouldn't have tried it if I didn't."

"Well… Yeah, but…" Nishikawa couldn’t refuse the point and Suzukuma laughed.

“Then…” she started as she got closer and closer to Nishikawa. He tried to back away but Suzukuma was relentless and continued forward until Nishikawa’s back was up against his bed and there was nowhere to run. Spoon in hand, with Suzukuma basically on top of Nishikawa, she said “Say ahhhh…” and shoved the spoon into his mouth with a devilish grin.

It was a surprise that Nishikawa didn’t choke.

“You know I love you, right, Haru?”

I came out so effortlessly that she didn’t even notice what she had said. All she knew was that she had fallen in love with a guy and that she wouldn’t stop loving him just because he hadn’t shown the same feelings. And now she had made her choice.

Nishikawa blushed as he finished swallowing the pudding. It wasn’t until then that Suzukuma realized what she had done and her heart started to beat faster. She backed away and gathered her things and her way to the door.

“Sorry about that, but I just felt like I had to. Thanks again for letting me study here.”

Suzukuma excused herself and walked out of his bedroom. Nishikawa tried to stop her but she closed the door before he could put together a sentence. Suzukuma ran down the stairs and toward the front door.

Once outside, she leaned against one of the walls that separated houses and walkways. She was out of breath and her heart felt like it was about to jump out of her chest.

I can't believe I did that! I can't believe I did that! I can't believe I did that!

It was not in her nature and she knew that. But a strong desire overcame her as if at that moment, all she wanted was him. Her face reddened, but she didn’t care. She was determined now.

And with that, Izumi Suzukuma made her choice.

Character Trivia: Suzukuma actually took another spoonful of pudding after having made Haru eat some of hers. Now, every time she thinks about it, she thinks of how it was her first indirect kiss.