Blurry Wishes

At last, I managed to reach the bridge. My right leg dragged behind me.

The bridge stood firm as I stepped onto it with what little strength I had left.

It was real. Undeniably real.

I shivered as the last of my tears escaped.

Weathered wood made up the entire bridge.

Algae painted its sides a sombre green. Six dark pillars held it, arches spanning beneath. Railings lined the sides, planks stretching across the floor.

Each step drew a high-pitched shriek from the wood, followed by a groan as it settled.

“We are… so close…” I slowly gasped under my breath.

I stood motionless in the bridge’s path as a faint trail of blood pursued by my feet, splashes already too thin to notice. Above me rested the blue sky, with the sun burning on my skin.

I could barely move. If my balance faltered, I would collapse on the spot.

I looked before me. We had finally arrived at the place we had been seeking for the past few days. This was definitely the “Tristte” Yrish had wished for.

She was almost home. I couldn’t wait to see her smiling again. That angelic smile. I just wanted to see it one more time.

The town didn’t seem particularly large. I could just make out the shape of wooden stands beyond the haze.

The bridge led straight into the market, where rows of identical houses stretched south along the river.

Three paths split the village, one along the river, one climbing past the market, and a last winding around the slope into haze.

To the left, cut tree trunks formed a sharpened wall, likely enclosing the settlement against creatures.

The forest had been hacked away, leaving only scraps of green clinging to the landscape.

I forced my way forward, one step at a time. All my body quaked at my strained muscles.

My vision grew unsteady. I was hardly able to identify anything before me at all. My ears picked up the chatter of people, but I could only see shadows.

I was inhabiting a blurry patch of life, just me and Yrish.

As I wobbled over the bridge and reached land, a swarm of unintelligible sounds hit me. It seemed as if words fell before I could even catch them.

I simply stood there with my eyes and mouth completely dry. The overwhelming scent of nature had vanished, and so did the greenery I was so accustomed to.

The crowd grew briefly, then quickly dissipated. People drifted by like passing spectators, indifferent to what lay before them.

We were nothing but animals in a zoo, their hollow words proof that no one cared for the girl in my arms.

After a while, two people stopped and turned their attention to me. I couldn’t understand anything they were saying. I just waited quietly.

Their tone suddenly shifted from indifference to aggressiveness, but they weren’t talking to me anymore. They looked angered by the situation.

With no means of talking and no longer able to move, anxiety consumed me.

Was this really “Tristte”? Had I gone in the wrong direction? Was this the sum of all the blood and work I had put in?

I didn’t think I could be any more incompetent than I already was.

Their voices rose in a blur of gibberish until a familiar word cut through: “kojit”.

Sparks flashed in my mind. These people were likely Yrish’s parents.

A chill crawled down my spine.

Not once did they attempt to take the girl from me while they argued. Their blurred faces showed no sadness.

Had this been an attempt at letting the child die and evading culpability? Was Yrish really just as, if not less, valuable than the mushrooms they sent her to pick?

They hadn’t even looked for her when she didn’t return.

This couldn’t be the truth. I refused to believe in the sheer absurdity of the ideas I was having.

I let out a quiet chuckle in disbelief, their eyes turning towards me.

I wasn’t sure I felt anything at all, not even anger.

I was just empty.

I knelt and eased Yrish onto my raised leg, steadying her against my chest. Her head sagged over my left shoulder.

I took off my backpack, my spear slipping free. After fumbling at the zipper, I dug into the pocket where we had been gathering the mushrooms.

With my arm bracing Yrish’s legs, I grabbed the bag and shakily forced myself upright, my body threatening collapse.

My breath felt ragged.

Unable to tell if they were even looking at me, I tipped the bag upside down. My arm trembled as the mushrooms fell.

The two stooped at once, trying to pick up every last one.

It was greed in its rawest form. I wasn’t being delusional. They were less concerned with their own daughter than the mushrooms she picked.

Despite the overwhelming sorrow I felt, I wasn't able to shed a single tear. My lips parted, my face unfazed, frozen in place.

My suspicions of abuse were not unfounded, after all. She lived a horrible life and was left to die alone, while her parents waited in the village.

Every single person in this village was the same. No one had even tried to save her. People watched as she was sent to die and forgot about it the next day.

Reality was despicably cruel.

“There is definitely no god,” I blurted, laughing softly.

The guilt of projecting onto her felt much heavier.

I was never her equal. I was irredeemable. I had no right to claim I had helped her. I was just another failure in her life.

The mere fact that I was holding her right now was reason enough for revulsion.

As they finished picking up the mushrooms and started heading away, one of them turned back and reluctantly questioned in a feminine voice, “Barot po ete~ sut trat arit lhajet?”

I knew they were speaking to me, but I could hardly hear it, let alone understand what it meant.

With nothing to say and no desire to answer, I just looked down in silence.

After a few seconds, their footsteps grew distant. The chatter had finally died down. No one was left to pay attention to the poor girl.

I had come this far, but it didn’t feel like I had fulfilled anything.

Was this really what she wished for?

I had failed her once again.

I couldn’t make sense of anything anymore. My legs were finally giving in, depleted to the point of rupture. My swollen eyelids, barely held open, were now slowly shutting.

The world dulled in a suffocating haze.

My breathing grew silent.

I was losing all of my senses.

“I really haven’t done anything for her,” I thought as the world went dark.

I twisted my body before crashing to the ground.