Alone

Night had come, and as I opened the window, I saw the bright moon was bare in the sky. The weather was good, clear. Well, the weather didn’t matter for the ritual. Indeed, to start getting magic, one needed to perform a ritual. And the knowledge to perform this ritual was not known to all. In most cases, they were just pre-made, as what was done to knights to grant them magic.

However, I was royalty. Therefore, I knew how to perform the ritual. It wasn't difficult. I just needed it to be nighttime. I cleared a table and dragged it to the open window. Now I just needed to use blood to draw something, which I was quite dreading a bit. But it was such a minor inconvenience.

I pulled ‌a small knife out of the drawer and pointed it at my finger. Yeah, as a princess, of course I had a knife. And they might be needed for doll making, especially those I decided to make manually with wood.

“Mm.” I pursed my lips. This was the first time I was doing something like this. So I was a bit hesitant to inflict myself with a wound. But I gathered some courage.

I cut the tip of my finger until it started to bleed. With the blood, I started drawing an eight-pointed star on the table. An octagram. I winced slightly as I felt the pain in my finger as it slid on the table’s surface. The octagram had to be symmetrical, so I was being careful.

A moment later, I sighed in relief, it was done. At least one of them. I squeezed out more of my blood and started drawing a crescent moon on top of the octagram. I was not comfortable using my own blood to draw this at all. After the moon, below the octagram, I drew a circle with a vertical and horizontal line going down the middle — symbolizing the world. Once the particular figures had been drawn, I started drawing the rest of the details around the symbols. Some lines and curves around the octagram, and so on.

I took a deep breath before licking the wound on my finger. Once the bleeding mostly stopped, I pulled a single strand of hair and put it in the center of the octagram. A piece of myself to create the link to the divine. Quite ironic, getting power from the very divine being whom I’d be sacrificed to. But there should be no problem with this.

But then, doubt came to me as I was about to start.

What if I don’t have two souls? What if I just die doing this? What if all I have are just memories of someone, and I’m actually just one soul?

I clenched my fists. Those were genuine worries of mine. If I were wrong, I would certainly die. No, what I had was not only memories, but experiences. I had already thought of this… There was no way they were mere memories and had nothing else going on. There were some changes in my behavior, my reactions fitting from both Avenelle, and the me from Earth. There were signs.

And I was going to die if I didn’t do this, anyway. I needed power to survive. Therefore, I had to gamble. I must do this for my future. To get what I needed.

I’m not one soul… I am something more. I’m an anomaly. Then I shall have something anomalous. I’m doing it.

As I stood by the table, I positioned my hand just above the octagram, and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath. Time to say the words. Time to commune with the god of the night.

“Endless star, ruling the night eternal. The light that shines in the endless void, a streaking light that guides our path. The moon that graces us all with its grandeur. The infinite heaven that blesses us with the grandest of beauty. Our hand in the unknown, a guiding star, our light in the darkest night. I, Avenelle, commune with the ruler of the night. I ask thee to grant thy blessings, to fill my soul with thy kind grace. I offer thee my reverence and faith. I give praise to the moon and stars. O eternal divinity, O Great Hand, I beseech thee. Grant me thy blessing. The blessing of the universe. Take me into your embrace, so that I may feel your presence, and receive your blessing.”

The symbols made of blood shone in a blue hue. A strange sensation filled the room, a power so raw and divine. It was warm yet cold at the same time. The coldness of the void, and the warmth of the countless stars. And then, my vision was filled with the light of the moon.

I held my breath.

The light had faded, and I was now somewhere else. I was floating in the void, surrounded by the cosmos. A bright blue nebula shone beside me, the scale was vast. I felt neither cold nor warmth. I was here, the Great Hand answered my call. What a relief.

Well, I didn’t feel particularly weird, so I guessed everything was going well.

Then, suddenly, texts appeared in front of me. They were not words of man, but I could read them, despite not knowing what they were. They were the Cosmic Magic Branches. I let out a sigh of nervousness. There were three branches: Control, Havoc, Celestial.

I was already aware of what they all entailed, because I had studied them in the past. My Puppeteer class belonged under Control. Basically, classes that had the concept of control. My Puppeteer class description was the ability to conjure puppets to be manipulated with the strings of a puppet master. And also my strings had the ability to forcefully control other living beings. I did that a few times to Alaric. The problem was I could only control what their bodies did, and they still would be able to resist it and snap my strings.

Basically, Puppeteer was under control because it gives you control over the bodies, but not the mind. It may sound nice on paper, but it is crappy if you’re weaker than the target. But of course that was not the reason Avenelle picked it — she just liked creating dolls.

She could have picked Telekinetic, the ability to control objects. Or Dominator, the one that could influence a person’s mind until you could control them — they change a person’s mind that they begin to believe that it was out of their own will. But she chose Puppeteer, which was a bit twisted in its own way. You could pretty much force someone to kill another, while being completely aware of it.

The Havoc branch was the more messed up thing. Blood Magician, Berserker, Necromancer, the dark stuff that may or may not have a damaging cost. Like blood where you’d need actual blood, or a berserker where you may need to lose your sanity for a moment in order to use it. Necromancer was literally using the dead bodies of people, but also included some death-themed magic. The costs may be worrying, but they might be worth it.

But it was not for Avenelle.

And then the third branch, Celestial. This was the most common. There was Astral Forger, one that creates celestial weapon constructs. Basically, summoning swords or spears from thin air, armaments. There was also the Moon Cleric, a support type of class, with major use of healing and buffing. But this was boring. I had no use for that. Then the most common was Celestial Sorcerer, the most versatile. Basically a mage.

It would have been nice to get Celestial Sorcerer. However, it would not work very well with my Puppeteer class. They wouldn’t complement each other. I wanted to improve on something I already had, not replace it entirely and to train mostly on one. In short, one that had ‌synergy with what I already had. I was already thinking of choosing one.

It was the class Astral Forger. My puppets were linked to me, and I could use my Astral Forger to grant them weapons. Imagine that I only had to create the puppet, and then later put weapons on it. It was straightforward, not sophisticated. With Astral Forger, I didn’t need to manually create weapons for all my puppets.

Puppeteer and Astral Forger, they would work well with each other. I smiled. Furthermore, I could also arm myself, spawning weapons whenever I wanted. It also wasn’t as costly in mana compared to Celestial Sorcerer.

I had made my choice.

I floated towards the Astral Forger option. I extended my hand towards it and paused.

“Here goes nothing.”

I didn’t know what would happen if I added another class. But this must be done.

I better not die.

I pressed on Astral Forger. All the text disappeared at once. There was silence for a moment. Suddenly, I felt a powerful pressure erupting from inside myself.

“Agh!” I cried in pain as I wrapped my arms around myself. “Ggh!” The pain was intense, like my insides were being stretched in all directions, and it was hard to breathe, like I was drowning. I heaved, trying to inhale as the pain grew worse.

I gasped as I collapsed on the floor. I was now back in my room.

It hurts so much!

I writhed on the floor, it felt like all my organs were being ripped apart. I could feel some sort of force inside my body, in my soul. Like something was being forcefully pushed into it.

Is this it? Am I going to die?

That was what I feared. Maybe I made a mistake.

Tears started coming out of my eyes, all because of the pain. I had never felt this kind of pain in my life. Never. The pain was constant, and every second felt like minutes. It was so painful… Times like this, in suffering, you would want someone with you…

Indeed, in doing something as risky as this, you normally would have someone with you. A friend, a family member. But no… I was all alone. I had only myself. Suddenly, in realizing that, it felt kind of lonely. As I gasped for breath, where I might be on the brink of death, I was completely alone.

Maybe I was indeed wishing someone was with me. How pathetic of me to feel that way… But… I was just so alone in my life, especially at home. I wanted someone to rely on…

A parent…

Family…

Family, it’s supposed to be where we first go to ask for help. But… I could never. Not in the last life, and not in this one…

Overwhelmed with agony, I couldn’t maintain my consciousness any longer.

And my eyes closed.