I'll Find Out

What a feeling.

Devouring.

Overtaking.

Completely consuming.

What had always been.

A need deep inside of him.

Clutching and clawing.

Begging and pleading.

Finally free.

Ren smiled. How long had he suppressed this feeling? This unmet constitution of self? Always believing that it must be hidden. Concealed. Never exposed. Terrified of the prospect of it fully surfacing.

The darkness.

The evil.

It was never an external entity or concept he could avoid.

It was him.

It had always been him.

Who he truly was.

The rage.

The misery.

The suffering.

The destruction.

The unquenchable thirst for it all.

Like the finest of wines. The most potent of drugs.

Swirling and coursing through his veins.

Feeding his muscles and desire.

He wanted more.

The taste of ascendancy.

It wasn’t enough.

...It wasn’t enough.

And it never would be.

As it wasn’t what he truly wanted.

Not when he already had something that was so much more than this could ever provide.

The oxygen entered his lungs, slow and deep, cooling the boiling of his blood. Fingers dug into arid soil, covering the tips and burrowing beneath the nails.

When did he end up here? When had he gone from the sky to the ground?

It had been the darkness that crashed like a wave over him after the light had receded, submersing him in all of its promises from over the years, being true to its word. But what he had received, though powerful and exhilarating, making him feel a way he had never felt before, had only dissipated after the first initial high. Leaving nothing but disappointment and calling for him to chase after it. To do as it demanded in order to feel its embrace once again.

Why would anyone want to subject themselves to such repetitive dismay?

Not when he already had something better.

Not when he already had her.

Her.

Where had she gone?

Blue snapped open to crimson close enough to touch.

“You’re back. That’s good.” Zero said, his voice deep and raspy. He stared at the man while he sat shirtless and crossed legged before him, onyx horns twisting towards the sky and wings of bones protruding from his back. Sakura laid cradled in his arms against his chest with his missing shirt wrapped around her bloodied torso. “Don’t panic, she’s fine. Just a bit beat up.” The devil paused, his eyes narrowing in disapproval. “Maybe wipe your mouth. You’re drooling on yourself. It’s kind of… disgusting.”

Ren realized he was on his hands and knees, hyperventilating. He took a moment to slow his breathing and wipe the spittle from his chin before reaching out and taking the unconscious woman into his own arms, sitting back and checking for her pulse as he peeled away the shirt and examined the scrapes and gashes along her body, her clothes torn to irreparable shreds. “Don’t give me shit, boy, and I’d say this is a little more than a bit beat up.” He looked at Zero, his jaw offsetting in annoyance at the sight. “Real convenient for you to bring those wings out right now when I can’t do anything about them. You’re eyes aren’t all black like last time though. What happened? Why are you like this?”

“I’m not really sure why my body did this. I was like this when I got back.”

His brows drew together, unable to understand what the boy was talking about. “When you got back? Where did you go?” He had seen Zero not far off from the parasite before he dropped Sakura but hadn’t thought to look at him again after releasing her. He had been too distracted by her and the impending destruction before the light engulfed her and the darkness took him.

Zero’s eyes fell on the demon, a tender fondness behind them, and he reached out to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear before meeting the angel’s questioning gaze. “Purgatory.”

The air was crushed from Ren’s lungs, his voice feeling as if it wasn’t his own. “What do you mean Purgatory? There’s no way.” The devil was silent, watching as he fumbled over the words. “She… she would have had to… to...”

“Die,” the boy finished. “She did. I found her though, even though it took longer than I had expected.”

The man couldn’t stop the shaking in his body as he drew her tighter, closer, his ear falling to her chest as he listened to her steady heartbeat, the air entering and exiting her lungs.

She was still here.

But she could just as easily be gone.

She was everything.

And without her he would have nothing.

But the lull of the darkness and its tempting call.

Ren closed his eyes, the thumping in her chest so loud, yelling at him, drowning out all else.

How beautiful.

“You found her? In Purgatory?” The man raised his head and peered at the devil. It was impossible, but it was harder to believe that he was being lied to. “How did you get to Purgatory and back?”

Zero shrugged as though it were something simple and unimpressive. “I just followed her, and then came back the same way I went in.”

“The fuck are you talking about? That doesn’t make any sense. You can’t just come and go from Purgatory as you please. It’s not like some shop with a door you can go in and out of. It’s not that easy.” He chewed on his tongue, debating the question he had asked himself from the first time he saw the boy and so many times after. “What are you?”

The boy looked down at his hands in his lap, fingers tracing the temporary claws, as he contemplated the question, letting the minutes tick by before returning his gaze. “I don’t really know.”

Ren nodded, believing the boy. He had no reason not to. But whatever he was, it wasn’t what the angel knew him to be. There had always been something about Zero, something the man couldn’t quite put his finger on but had accepted none the less. He was who he was, and worrying over it wasn’t going to change anything.

But that was then.

Before, Ren would have been perfectly content going through life with the devil and fae without prying into their secrets. But ever since the night he had watched the boy and girl dance under the moon, the first spark of his curiosity had been ignited and the urge to discover everything about them that was hidden had grown into an uncontrollable inferno. The way they had moved, the presence of the earth around them, the warmth and dream like euphoria that had flooded his entire being.

None of it was normal.

Not for someone of this world.

Not for a mortal.

He now understood how Sakura felt, and why she was so obsessed with learning about what Ivy was.

Now, he was obsessed, too.

And when Ren desired something.

Nothing could stop him from getting it.

“I don’t know what it is about you and Ivy,” the man told the boy, “but I have my suspicions, and I’m going to find out.”

The devil shrugged, completely uninterested. “Okay.”

Ren chuckled lightly.

Of course Zero didn’t care.

Typical.

The man looked to the side, finally noticing the extent of destruction the parasite had caused. The trees and land and stone it had covered were completely gone, leaving only the dry, upturned soil in its wake and an extensive gap in the wall opening up into the sky. It had taken most of which was there.

But not everything.

In the distance, the angel could see the gleam of steel.

An over-sized sword stuck straight into the ground.

The man gazed down at the woman in his arms.

She had gotten what she wanted.

She had killed the parasite.

If only she were awake to enjoy it.

“What happened to the parasite?” Ren asked. “What did it become when Sakura killed it?”

“It became the darkness.” A sweet melody came from behind the angel, and he turned to watch Ivy close the distance, her wings on full display as she glided towards him.

“Did you fly here, Little One?” Ren paused, considering the ramifications of the fae being seen. “Did anyone see you?” Who knew what issues may arise if people were to find out that the fae still existed, and that there was one wandering around the land and heavens.

“It’s okay. They’re all asleep.” She stopped in front of the man and crouched down, smiling as she took his face in her hands and kissed his forehead. “I’m so glad you’re okay. You did very well. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to resist.” The girl turned her attention to the demon, kissing all over her face before assessing the damage that had been done with a pout. “Oh, Sakura. You never make it easy.”

“Wait. What? What do you mean they’re all asleep?” Last night really had been the worst time for Ren to choose to drink himself into a drunken stupor. Nothing made sense, and it felt impossible to grasp onto any coherent thought. “Who?”

Violet eyes were so bright, luminous, and clear. “Everyone in the heavens. I couldn’t just let the darkness get them. That would be so cruel to allow them to suffer that way. They’re not like you, Ren. They couldn’t handle it the way you can.” Ivy gave Sakura one last kiss then went to Zero, crawling into his lap and wrapping herself around him. “Are you okay?”

He curled himself into her. “I am.”

Ren quietly examined them, the way he often did. He couldn’t help himself even though he knew and felt it wasn’t his place to do so. His eyes were just naturally drawn to the two, and it was difficult to look away.

It was something that you knew you shouldn’t watch too closely.

But you couldn’t stop yourself.

Like an eclipse.

Even if it burned your eyes.

You had to bear witness to it.

It was mesmerizing the way the girl brought the boy unto herself, her arms lovingly encasing him, her hands and fingers dancing along his features.

Comforting.

The way the boy covered her body with his own, arms holding her against him tightly, shielding her as his senses stayed ever vigilant, always watching and listening to everything around them.

Protecting.

“Did you make them go to sleep?” the man asked. “Like how you made Sakura and me sleep?”

Ivy’s head turned towards him, her cheek resting against the top of Zero’s head and against one of his twisted horns. “Kinda.”

“What do you mean ‘kinda’?”

“Well, I didn’t have the time to seek out and make each one go to sleep, so I used Charlotte.” She smiled as though it was the most natural thing. “I know you don’t like it, but I had to protect them.”

“You used Charlotte? Why would you...” His brows came together as he read between the lines. “You knew this would happen. Everything.”

The girl chewed her bottom lip, thinking of what to say. “I don’t know how to explain it, Ren. I still don’t understand. I just know.”

He nodded, having no reason to doubt her. “What did you protect them from?”

Tears welled in her eyes, spilling without a thought. “Death,” Ivy whispered.

Death.

Ren swallowed, the words so difficult to say. “Sakura died.”

The girl nodded, her tears flowing even more. “I know. That’s why Zero came. To bring her back to us.”

“You knew Zero would bring her back,” the angel repeated, his voice quiet. “Why didn’t you just stop us if you knew it would happen?” He wasn’t mad, didn’t blame anyone. He just wanted to know.

“Because you can’t always stop what’s already started. You know that.”

He did, and he knew it very well. When The Guard came for him. When Sakura had found him and begged him to run. The night before the nibblers fell from the trees when Ren felt the shift in the atmosphere. Each time the wheels had already been set into motion, and there was nothing he could do other than roll along with them.

The way we all must.

One moment at a time.

Proceeding with the actions.

And living with the consequences.

“Why didn’t you put me to sleep?” The man had felt the darkness so deeply, completely encompassing him before he had turned from it, leaving it tuck away in the home he had made for it long ago.

“Because you were created in the darkness, Ren. It is apart of you. You cannot escape it, and I cannot protect you from it. Only you can.” Ivy beamed, her joy radiating. “And you did so wonderfully. You’re still you.” She looked back at Zero, gracing her hand along his cheek. “It’s probably better we go back to Charlotte’s before I help you.” The girl giggled, “I can’t carry you if you fall asleep.”

The boy nodded. “That’s alright. I’ll walk.”

“I’ll walk with you.” She got to her feet and helped the devil to his before wrapping herself around his arm and starting towards Charlotte’s home. “Let’s go.”

Ren pushed himself up with Sakura in his arms and followed behind the pair.

It was quite the sight before him. A slight girl with long, amethyst waves and elaborate, delicate, and colorful fae wings clinging to a tall boy with onyx horns twisting out of white hair and wings made of bones poking out from his back.

He had already asked.

But he needed to know.

To at least try to understand.

“Ivy,” the man called to the girl as her head twisted to face him. “What are you two?”

She beamed, her eyes dancing with mischief. “I don’t really know. But I think we’re going to find out.”